At the suggestion of doggygirl I am moving this from the 4th page of another thread. I guess I sort of got off on a tangent. No offense to all of you Dyed-In-the-Wools out there. There is nothing wrong with Catholocism, just in the way the material was presented.
ANYWAY...
I was raised Catholic as well. I consider myself a 'Recovering-Catholic' and Catholicism a form of child abuse. When we weren't in church we were in Dad's tavern. We'd kneel on the hard wooden steps between our home above the bar that led to the bar and say the Rosary as punishment for our sins. I am the youngest of ten. It was like being born into hell and I realize that but apparently I can't get over it. I was certainly taught from an early age how to self-medicate. Somebody died - let's make a toast!!! Somebody got married, got Baptised, got Confirmed, had their First Confession/Communion, was happy, was sad, a Grandchild's birthday, Mom & Dad's anniversary, after Mid-night Mass on Christmas Eve, or how about when Lent was over, what did they call that, AH YES, Easter Sunday - for all these occasions - LET'S ALL GET HAMMERED!!! Didn't matter how young or old, who was driving, or the physical fights that broke out that ended the event - it was how we lived - as long as everyone went to Mass first. I could write a book and ramble on forever. Parents are long, long gone and none of we siblings speak to each other. We're not angry -just whipped. I'm 48 and my oldest sibling is 69. I suppose we will start burying each other soon and I don't having feelings one way or another about that prospect. I believe I have mourned the loss of these relationships long ago. Nobody cares about anybody. Family mean nothing. Emotion is a sign of weekness. When I tell people that none of my siblings has ever given my 5 minutes of respite in the last 23 years of caring for my disabled son, they nearly fall over. But according to my good Catholic upbringing, he was a scab on the family and a punishment from God for my sins. Apparently it was too difficult to look up the true genetic abnormality he was born with in a dictionary. I pity what they have missed out on not being a part of his life. I believe God sends us all opportunities to learn and elevate our souls. So far, I'm not catching on to this addiction lesson as quickly as I'd hoped. I believe it has led me to you good people and hopefully not to late to give my life some purpose. I keep picturing the day I have to look my children in the eye and tell them that 'Mommy is dying because she loved AL more than she loved you' and the truth is, I think I love and need love too much - I think that's what is killing me. I am trying to understand this. My mother acted like she hated me and of course I recently learned that she was giving me her own special elixor of AL laced 'nerve medicine' to sedate me as a child. Being a 48 YO woman and realizing the symptoms of the onset of Menopause myself and putting 2 & 2 together, I realize that I was 'Mom's Menopause Mistake' and she probably truly was miserable and didn't know what she was going through or why she was cursed with another child so late in life . Well - now she knows (God rest her soul) that she can chalk another one up to Catholicism and 'The Rythym Method' and not her innocent child.
FYI - to my fellow Catholic who's sis lost her son - OMG - I am so very, very sorry. One of my sister's lost a son (who was my age) in 2000 and a daughter (a few years younger than me) 3 years later. I was devastated because I was much closer to them than I was to my sister. I still well up when I think of them. They both went quickly and are at much greater peace than I and I talk to them often. We used to love to drink together! Yes, I miss them sooo much, and they really liked my broken son. XOX
ANYWAY...
I was raised Catholic as well. I consider myself a 'Recovering-Catholic' and Catholicism a form of child abuse. When we weren't in church we were in Dad's tavern. We'd kneel on the hard wooden steps between our home above the bar that led to the bar and say the Rosary as punishment for our sins. I am the youngest of ten. It was like being born into hell and I realize that but apparently I can't get over it. I was certainly taught from an early age how to self-medicate. Somebody died - let's make a toast!!! Somebody got married, got Baptised, got Confirmed, had their First Confession/Communion, was happy, was sad, a Grandchild's birthday, Mom & Dad's anniversary, after Mid-night Mass on Christmas Eve, or how about when Lent was over, what did they call that, AH YES, Easter Sunday - for all these occasions - LET'S ALL GET HAMMERED!!! Didn't matter how young or old, who was driving, or the physical fights that broke out that ended the event - it was how we lived - as long as everyone went to Mass first. I could write a book and ramble on forever. Parents are long, long gone and none of we siblings speak to each other. We're not angry -just whipped. I'm 48 and my oldest sibling is 69. I suppose we will start burying each other soon and I don't having feelings one way or another about that prospect. I believe I have mourned the loss of these relationships long ago. Nobody cares about anybody. Family mean nothing. Emotion is a sign of weekness. When I tell people that none of my siblings has ever given my 5 minutes of respite in the last 23 years of caring for my disabled son, they nearly fall over. But according to my good Catholic upbringing, he was a scab on the family and a punishment from God for my sins. Apparently it was too difficult to look up the true genetic abnormality he was born with in a dictionary. I pity what they have missed out on not being a part of his life. I believe God sends us all opportunities to learn and elevate our souls. So far, I'm not catching on to this addiction lesson as quickly as I'd hoped. I believe it has led me to you good people and hopefully not to late to give my life some purpose. I keep picturing the day I have to look my children in the eye and tell them that 'Mommy is dying because she loved AL more than she loved you' and the truth is, I think I love and need love too much - I think that's what is killing me. I am trying to understand this. My mother acted like she hated me and of course I recently learned that she was giving me her own special elixor of AL laced 'nerve medicine' to sedate me as a child. Being a 48 YO woman and realizing the symptoms of the onset of Menopause myself and putting 2 & 2 together, I realize that I was 'Mom's Menopause Mistake' and she probably truly was miserable and didn't know what she was going through or why she was cursed with another child so late in life . Well - now she knows (God rest her soul) that she can chalk another one up to Catholicism and 'The Rythym Method' and not her innocent child.
FYI - to my fellow Catholic who's sis lost her son - OMG - I am so very, very sorry. One of my sister's lost a son (who was my age) in 2000 and a daughter (a few years younger than me) 3 years later. I was devastated because I was much closer to them than I was to my sister. I still well up when I think of them. They both went quickly and are at much greater peace than I and I talk to them often. We used to love to drink together! Yes, I miss them sooo much, and they really liked my broken son. XOX
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