Long newb story, lol.

[juicyxlove00]

Hey guys,
:new:
I'm a 21 woman from Honolulu, Hawaii and I have had enough with drinking. There were so many times where I have humiliated myself, hurt others emotionally, and literally destroyed many friendships and relationships because of my lack of self-control while drinking. A year ago when I was 20, I got into an accident where I backed up into a car, causing a $6,000 damage to my back bumper [ we had to order a new bumper]. 6 months later, I got a DUI while I was still 20, and my parents had to bail me out and pay for my attorney fees which were pretty damned expensive. I have wrecked many potential relationships and have caused some irreversible damage to many by my words and actions. There are numerous incidents that I've been through and now is definitely time for a change. I am sick of sabotaging myself.

There was a point where I drank everyday, about 2 years ago, but now I mainly drink on weekends. I drink about 8-10 drinks [beer/hard liquor] when I go out and I'm 5'1 and 105 Lbs. I feel that my tolerance is only getting stronger and that scares the SHT out of me! I want to quit cause I want to take better care of myself, to make sure my family doesn't worry about me [they've seen it first hand how out of control and crazy I can be], and because I am just a totally different, and ugly person when I'm drinking. As my Mom calls it I'm "a dr. jekyll mr. hyde" type of person.

I want to know:

1) What are other nighttime activities to do besides drinking? [Many people in Hawaii love to party on weekends, and I don't know what else to during the nighttime. You can only watch so many movies or go to the mall so many times]

2) Do people look at you differently because you're not drinking? [When I'm drinking, I'm usually the life of the party. But surprisingly, that is usually how I am sober. But I don't want to use drinking as a crutch anymore. I want to be seen as in control and not feel like I have to live up to certain expectations. Maybe these expectations are self-induced? I dont' know..

3) I'm also concerned about what my friends will think about me not drinking. Sure, I can just pretend that I'm drinking, but maybe I shouldn't be so superficial and self-conscious. I just feel like I don't want to be missing out on things cause I just turned 21 [going on 22]. And I'm not goin to use the excuse that "I'm young and that I'm resilient" because I know that I'm completely capable of causing irreversible damage now. I know that many bad things could result in my self-destructive drinking if I don't stop now. I'm just worried about going on trips or going to new restaurants without having a drink, which is when I might want one, or 10. lol.

I have a get together with my girlfriends this weekend, and I'm not planning on telling them I'm not gona drink. They assume that I would, but I'm just going to order diet cokes or somethin. I'm going to tell them when I get there that I'm not gona drink and see what their reaction will be. They will most likely be supportive and not pressure me [they love to party but they're pretty rational and know it's not a game], but for some reason, I feel this pressure on myself and maybe it's because of my fluctuating self esteem issues. I know that I'm capable of goin out w/out drinking, but I only believe in myself up to a certain extent. Once I get warped into my thinking, I psyche myself out and then end up giving in even when I'm not feeling pressured by others. Does anyone else feel this way? I just want to know I'm not alone in this.

Sorry this is so long~winded and thanks for any responses.

[dexterhead]

Long newb story, lol.

Hi Juicy! Like Dolphin, I admire you for tackling this while you're so young. Yes, I think you should try to get some alcohol-free time for yourself to try to get some perspective ... As to activities that don't involve alcohol, what people will think of you .. are you in college? Most colleges have a lot of al-free activitis and a group of people, even if a minority, who aren't partiers ... But for now, try not to worry about what others think ... Hey, stick around Juicy!!

[tlrgs]

Long newb story, lol.

:hello2::colorwelcome: and thankx for sharing

[juicyxlove00]

Long newb story, lol.

Aw! You all are so sweet and thank you so much for your inspiring words! I know that it's not easy but we've just got to take it one day at a time, right?

Dolphin:: Congrats on 11 days! That is an accomplishment! I remember I wouldn't even be able to get through day 1 the first couple of times when I tried 2 years ago. But it is possible! Keep it up!

Dexter:: Yah I'm in college. It's funny how I'm struggling w/ alcohol probs cause I'm a Psych major and I should be able to help myself through this [I'm usually able to self-help myself] but alcohol is too big to tackle on my own! It's great to know that we've all got a real support group here and I'm really looking forward to talking more with you guys and meeting more people here!

tlrgs:: Thanks for the welcome :-)

Thanks again you guys and it's gona be a tumultuous road that's for sure.. but it can be done!

[Accountable for Me]

Long newb story, lol.

:welcome: juicy!

You are WAY too smart to be wasting your life in the clutches of alcohol. You are 21 and are already aware that you are on a bad road with alcohol, bravo! Nip it in the bud now. Live your life to the fullest; it is tough enough without this hindrance.

I started to drink excessively when I was 31. I am now 36. With the exception of my pregnancy when I was 33; I was wasted pretty much every day. It didn't take long for my drinking to get out of control. I am glad that this place was here when I needed it, and I am glad to be sober and healthy today.

I am glad you found us.

[greeneyes]

Long newb story, lol.

Juicy. hello and :welcome: I am old enough to be your mother. So I wll tell you this.It is great that you get a grip onthis now. Blessings will fall upon you forreaching out. Many handds here to hold. You are so lucky to see this at an early age. I wish you the very best.

[nancy]

Long newb story, lol.

HI Juicy

I am old enough to be your... big sista!

I am not surprised you are a psych major because you sound older than your 21 years.

First, unless these are new friends, they probably have met Ms Hyde before right? Don't they know you are having a problem with it already? If so, that should make it easier for you.

I don't know what to do if you think the temptation is so strong that you won't be able to resist.

But, if you think you can resist and are just self-conscious about it... Tell a few of them the truth but that you don't want to make a big issue out of it. Or say you are taking a medication and can't drink or you are on a health kick or dieting (though it sounds like you are thin). You could order something that looks like a cocktail, like juice and soda or tonic and lime, non-alcoholic beer poured in a glass, virgin cocktails. Look around at what others are drinking. You may notice the in-control ones are switching to non-alcoholic drinks before long.

Do a search for the word excuses on this site and you will find a ton of them. In general, I think drinkers build up the non-drinking stigma too much. But I am older than you are.

I also wonder if you also have some unresolved psychological issues that are underlying the drinking.

I am not a fan of AA generally but it does seem like a good way to make contact with nice people who don't drink. And since you are in such a young age group. it might help. I know in some areas, there are versions of AA for younger people. Or maybe other alcohol quitting support groups you could look into.

Whatever you do, you are welcome here!

[louise]

Long newb story, lol.

Welcome. It is great you are trying to do something about this issue so early. I had some friends who quit drinking abruptly and never gave any reason other than that they were no longer drinking. It did not seem to phase anyone. But in your age group you might get more questions since it sounds like a lot of partying. Could you take up a sport? (the exercise will help anyway) Then you can say you need to be healthier so it doesn't interfere. I'm sure you will figure it out.

[vlad]

Long newb story, lol.

Oh man, I was bad at 21 - I was in the every day heavy drinking University Culture, well done for admitting it early - the first stage to recovery, I didn't until 2 years ago. I'm 33 now, I think... I have my story on the site too in Tell Us Your Story.

[cedar]

Long newb story, lol.

juicy :welcome:

wisdom at 21 was not something i had - well done.

if i could count the hours that i 'dont remember' + was to 'hung over' to get out of bed + wasted on drunk people having 'drunken arguments' + dangerous 'drunk driving' hours + ETC ETC = ENDLESS valuable time, so much better spent on things that could have made a healthier, wiser, more content ME

you have such a head start - GO FOR IT
love ced
x

[hippie37]

Long newb story, lol.

Hi Juicy.

As everyone here has already stated you are one wise woman for admitting to yourself at such a young age that you have a problem with alcohol. Most people of your age I know are 'knocking it back' like it's going out of fashion.

I'm from the UK and I've just started going back to AA after 10 years of absence (I wish I could say 'abstinence' but unfortunately I like many waited far too long before I finally hit 'rock bottom and admitted that I had a problem. I should rephrase that actually..I knew I had a problem but I didn't want to admit I had one as I couldn't see a life without alcohol. It scared me that I would lose my identity somehow. I heard a good phrase the other day....You can't fix your head with YOUR head. It's like trying to mend a broken hammer with the bits from the broken hammer. I've spent the good part of the last year doing a lot of soul searching and I've come to the conclusion that I'm tired of trying to philosophize and intellectualize my alcoholism. I'm starting to realise that somethings just are what they are. Acceptance of my alcoholism goes a big way to giving me some peace of mind at present.

Anyway juicy great to see you here doing something about it!! There is actually another member on here from Hawaii (not sure of her name or which island she is from) but If I can remember her name or anyone else can for that matter it may be worth having a chat with her sometime.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[juicyxlove00]

Long newb story, lol.

Wow! Thank you so much to everyone that replied! I guess I've just messed up way too much at such an early age, that I have no choice but to stop for a long time or possibly even forever. Don't get me wrong, I would like an occassional drink here and there, but I really don't know how I would be with just only 1. That would escalate to 10. But anyway, thank you all again and I wish you guys the best of luck with your road to recovery!.. Best wishes!