Tired of the fight

[Cherbear]

anyone who will listen,
I feel like all I do is fight the battle inside my mind of whether I will drink or not or trying to limit it. It is so exhausting and I'm soooo tired of it.
I'm going to start the 30 days.. It is hard to imagine not have that pleasure of that first sip of cold wine in the evening but I just have to do this I know.
I'm stuck in a big rut, I hate waking up in the middle of night thinking tomorrow I won't drink and then I do....:

[KateH1]

Tired of the fight

Cher, It really is that first sip that leads to the mornings that you are talking about!! The lack of restful sleep, the regrests from the night before......need I go on??? I tell you, what Chief says is so true, it is easier to surrender and give up drinking than it is to keep trying to stop!!(at least I think that is how it goes??)

Best Wishes!

[time2change]

Tired of the fight

Cherbear
I can so relate to this feeling. It really is very exhausting. I tried so many times to end the cycle and I felt like I was a useless cause. But one day something in me just clicked and I knew I could no longer do this to myself. I made it past the 30 day mark and if I think back to the beginning of the year I would never have imagined myself saying that.
you have come to the right place for support. So many can relate to the way you feel. There are people here at all steps in their journey to be free of those very feelings. Lift yourself out of that rut. You can do it.

[Red-Wine]

Tired of the fight

I think making the choice is one of the hardest parts - your mind is way ahead of you, and

pointing out the difficulties to come - personally, I think that's Mr Alcohol saying, "how dare

you even think, you can get along without me" ! - it's a bit like leaving an abusive husband,

you know you have to before he really hurts you, but, the unknown is scarier.

What you don't realize, is just how much strength lies within you, when you decide to call

upon it.

Mary xxxxx

[Peanut]

Tired of the fight

Hey Cherbear,
Yes - that inner battle is tiring! It was a daily thing for me last month, and the AF side won most days, but some days the other side won. But every single day, fight fight fight. I think because right from the start I never really believed i could do 30 days, I knew of a couple events that i probably would end up drinking (and wanted to), so never really had a true resolve.
My attitude has changed this time, I set a new target start date of June 1, and I don't have the fight or argument anymore. Because there is no argument. I said no AL in June. No "I will try not to drink in June, IF I can", IF IF IF..... No, there is no IF any more. I can't quite put my finger on what is different this time around, but I really, really am hoping/beleiving that it will stay.

You can do it - change your perspective, your attitude and drop the fight - don't engage anymore!
Goodluck! We are with you!
Peanut

[sasha]

Tired of the fight

Interesting Comparison Mary...

Red-Wine;341849 wrote: I think making the choice is one of the hardest parts - your mind is way ahead of you, and

pointing out the difficulties to come - personally, I think that's Mr Alcohol saying, "how dare

you even think, you can get along without me" ! - it's a bit like leaving an abusive husband,

you know you have to before he really hurts you, but, the unknown is scarier.

What you don't realize, is just how much strength lies within you, when you decide to call

upon it.

Mary xxxxx

I think that is really a good one. I can relate because I think about AL in terms of how women (and some men) sometimes rationalize continuing in an abusive relationship with "well maybe this time it will be different" etc. Your post made me think that some of my self-talk is that of a person in an abusive relationship. I have been free of that bad relationship with AL for 10 days now and it feels great. My self-esteem has really gone up since I dumped that good-for-nothing bastard!
Sasha

[louise]

Tired of the fight

Yes, it is so demoralizing to be on the losing side of that battle so often. What is that saying about stupidity being doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? Welcome Cherbear. You may want to join one of the daily threads for support.

[Cherbear]

Tired of the fight

How do you join a daily thread?

[tlrgs]

Tired of the fight

good luck you can do this

[Doggygirl]

Tired of the fight

Just wanted to say welcome again to you Cherbear. Glad you are here. There are LOTS of different support threads going in all the sections of this forum. Read away, and pick some to post to that you feel comfortable with. That's a great way to get to know people and develop an awesome MWO support structure.

This place is awesome!

DG
*****************

[CS04]

Tired of the fight

Cherbear,
I have just started posting on "Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living." That might be a good place to start. I made it thru Day 4 tonight -- can't believe I have gotten thru Fri and Sat of a weekend. However for the past umpteen years I would wake up every morning and think about what I would drink that night. The cycle and the rut is exhausting and I am by no means out if it, but I am trying to get there. I want to mod eventually but I know I need more AF time under my belt, and even if hubby is drinking, I am going to drink my fizzy water and wake up with no hangover, and you can too.

[louise]

Tired of the fight

There are also daily threads under Monthly Abs and a 30 Days?? thread. Just read a few and see what one (or 2 or all) fit for you. It is a good way to get to know people a little better.

[FloridaBoy]

Tired of the fight

Cherbear;341822 wrote: anyone who will listen,
I feel like all I do is fight the battle inside my mind of whether I will drink or not or trying to limit it. It is so exhausting and I'm soooo tired of it.
I'm going to start the 30 days.. It is hard to imagine not have that pleasure of that first sip of cold wine in the evening but I just have to do this I know.
I'm stuck in a big rut, I hate waking up in the middle of night thinking tomorrow I won't drink and then I do....:

Do 30 days AF and you may just want to stay that way. You will see yourself and the world around you from a different perspective.

[nowandzen11]

Tired of the fight

Cherbear

It is exhausting to have the dialogue in your head about drinking. The hardest day for me is day 4. I am still trying hard and am very hopeful but not always hopeful. I go from hopeful to pissed to guilty to angry to hopeful............

You can do this. This site has helped me tremendously. I never feel alone anymore.

Stay and post often. I have been working a lot the past few days and haven't been able to post or get on chat. I found myself missing it and also missing the people here.

Love to you
N&Z

[boozehag]

Tired of the fight

Hi Cherbear
Seriously as Floriday Boy says you should really try and get the 30 days AF under your belt and when you get there you may just like it and yourself so much you will want to stay there. That has been my experience and lots of other people on here. Dont look at the big picture just yet just today and then tomorrow and before you know it you will be on your way.
BH (no longer)