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have not figured that out yet on how to respond to the messages i got in response to my "quandry' of "Absolute-flakes or Smirnoff Tripple disitlled flakes" ... today it was the tripple distilled flakes - really good but cheaper. we both moved from grey goose. OMG!!!! Am I writing this? Do I laugh or do I cry? I know tomorrow it will be left overs either way.
Then Wednesday I face 2 months of solitude without the incentive of a spousal unit to distract: the HOUSE IS EMPTY - have a party! sheesh - IT'S LIKE THE RED LIGHTS FLASHING IN THE NUCLEAR REACTOR COOLER. it used to be 'just' wine - seems my tastes have changed and never knew what "vodka' tasted like - except to send my hairs curling. lol - sob. sob. and SOB! i remember coming back from europe 2 years ago and drinking during the day - no big deal - never thinking i would do it on other occasions.
anyway - spent 9 hours today checking out Toprimax and Kudzu on the net. (I better start gardening that Kudzu or move to Georgia) or go to AA and get a verbal lashing for looking for an 'easy out - a "softer gentler way".'
i called my doc for the Toprimax - not saying why. suspect i will get the script - no quetions asked. worry about starting new meds/life style while alone (really alone). i also know that if i keep doign what i am doing i am going to croak anyway: not being a spring chicken and recently took up the art of smoking post "the CHANGE". i had to laugh (in a painful way) at myself today when the UPS man came to the door and I put on a medical mask so he couldn't smell my breath and so he would think i was sick - being in my robe at noon.
guess i don't know where i am going with writing this - except to say thank you to those who responded and i AM doing this....i am afraid to be alone. i am afraid and keep this all a secret - b/c when there is a problem w/ anyone - I, Elle, am the composed fixer - NO ONE would EVER suspect this of me... i am so composed and soft...for now anyway. i can't tell anyone...and i truly have been sobbing all day ... feels kind of good in a way. even if i did tell and come out of the closet - it would be shame, rejection, disappointment to others and emptiness... at this juncture. so - i will NEVER give up on myself - although the load feels really heavy right now. i
pray for the healing hands of G to give me a lift, a shove, a smack or a hug - whatever, it takes. with love and prayers for all of our goals. e

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Welcome Elle,
you are way too witty for me.. I could not work out what your first paragraph was about.. but still great you made contact anyways. there are plenty of cool folk here who will trade banter and plenty of loving souls to give support.. No matter how bad things may be.
Read heaps of posts.. read, read, read! it's the best thing to do.. and write! write! write!
Love
MFM

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Hi Elle and Welcome!
No verbal lashings on this site! I can so relate to the AA comment as I speak to 2 friends on a regular basis from there. Their comments and quotes used to bring me down so low and grate on my nerves. Now, I can put them into a better perspective....truly take only the good and ignore the rest. You won't get the judgment here, only support. I am only on day 3 (AGAIN!!!), but feel pretty good due to the support and love here. I was able to pick myself up and get right back up on the horse because people here told me I could. I am forever grateful! It's amazing watching the success of others. I have been here since Dec and am so MUCH more convinced this program works every day! I haven't done all the aspects of the program and I think that was a big part of my problem. I am more willing than ever to "do it all" now. Post often, especially during your 2 months of upcoming "solitude". Enjoy the party here instead...so many fun times!!! Take care! Gina

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Welcome Elle!
I have not posted in a while, as I have been out of town since last week, but this website has truly been a lifesaver for me. I look forward every day to get online and read the new posts and have the opportunity to actually be a part of a community of people all over the world who share our common struggle. I am still awaiting all of my stuff, including the book, but have noticed a huge decrease in the amount I am drinking simply from the encouragement, support, and the no longer feeling all alone, thanks to MWO. So often instead of drinking, I come here instead and get plugged in. Before I know it, two hours have passed and I feel like I have just spent time with my closest friends. My husband is even feeling left out!!!

Get registred if you arent already and get on chat when others are there in the chat room. I have this to be really encouraging as well as a blast. We find out more about each other, our families and begin to put faces with the names.

Check in often and get ready to make a bunch of new friends!

Allie