Worried

[Wolf Dreamer]

Hi All, well it's day 3 AF and I went to my Dad's to have a celebration dinner for my brother's and my birthday. I had made arrangements to have a good friend pick up a computer I built for her and get paid. When she came she mentioned again how much she's looking forward to visiting me in my new pad for the first time. She doesn't know I'm trying to stop AL and she is a fairly heavy drinker. I know if she comes she will want to go out and get plastered (or at least tipsy) and I don't know what to do. I can't put it off much longer, it's been a year since I moved in. I'm afraid of having her visit and at the same time I'm lonely and don't want to alienate one of the few true friends I have. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thanks, Caroline

[tawnyfrog]

Worried

Caroline - if she is a true friend, couldn't you tell her the truth?

Failing that, the old "I'm on antibiotics at the moment" often works.

Well done on 3 days, especially with a birthday dinner involved. Happy Birthday!!!!

[Wolf Dreamer]

Worried

Hi Tawny Frog, I like the antibiotics thing, made me chuckle :H and Hey DUH!! why not just tell her the truth of what I'm trying to do? Can you believe it didn't occur to me? I think my recent binges have clouded my thinking. I will tell her the truth. If she doesn't want to come knowing I won't be drinking then maybe she's not as true as I thought. I think she might even embrace the idea of a dry weekend...
Thanks for responding

[sasha]

Worried

Wouldn't it be funny if she were....

thinking the very same thing..."Hmm. I am sure looking forward to visiting Caroline. I wonder how she'll handle my not drinking anymore..."
Let us know if she is "taking antibiotics" too!:H
Seriously though - good job on 3 days AF!
Best of luck.
Sasha

[Accountable for Me]

Worried

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WOLFIE!



:bday7:

Great job on the 3 days!!!!!!!!!! Don't worry about your friend. I am sure she would be happy for you, if you tell her. I know that I have told a few very good friends about my quitting and they say "you know, I should really quit or cut down." We aren't the only ones with these thoughts, trust me! The antibiotic trick works too.

[livingfree]

Worried

It gets easier to tell people "you don't drink anymore" after some time goes by. In the mean time a simple "I have to get up early" or "I'm going in for a physical that I want to be on top of my blood work" works also.

I used to just say ... no thanks I'll take a soda water with lime. Now I have no problem saying I don't drink the poison anymore .... people don't even ask when I say that!! :H

[Doggygirl]

Worried

Hi Wolfie and Happy Birthday!! Congrats on 3 Days AF. Don't have any different advice about your friend's pending visit than others have offered. My only additional advice would be that for now - this early in the AF game - PUT YOURSELF AND YOUR SOBRIETY FIRST. Nothing else matters more than that. It's hard for many of us to be that selfish - we are often so used to considering everyone else's needs and comfort first. I think it's a lot easier to get some AF time under your belt by being selfish for the time being. In the end, all of our loved ones will benefit.

Congrats again!

DG
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[vlad]

Worried

I'd tell her the truth - it might help her to think about her alcohol consumption too. My mother-in-law (who's also alcoholic) wasn't offended when I explained on a weekend visit I was going AF for a while and didn't want to drink (cos I drank alot whenever I went down - I was even sick in her kitchen once!). She'd even bought in a crate of beer for me to drink and was ever so apologetic, it even encouraged her to give it a go, although I think she failed day 3.

[greeneyes]

Worried

Happy birthday and congrats on your success!

I was so secretive..... When I told my good friends (drinkers, of course) about AA, the therapist and finally Lenair, they were very proud. I bet some sat on their couch with AL in hand thinking hummmmm.... about themselves. Telling her may make a difference in HER life. She may need a change and that may be the inspiration she needs. You take care of YOU first and foremost!

[KBCE]

Worried

I actually told my kids and husband what I was doing so that I would be held accountable. My kids were thrilled. I haven't told my best friend though - I actually have not seen her for a few days - I was so busy keeping myself busy that we didn't even talk this weekend. I am sure she will pooh-pooh it, but I don't care. She is one of my triggers - she drinks alot more wine than I could even stomach in one sitting! When I do tell her, maybe she will see how good I feel and think twice. But who am I kidding - it is only day 6 of AF and I should just shut up and be grateful I got this far! It is a hard thing to do, but with this place and the suportive people, we can all live betetr lives.

[Wolf Dreamer]

Worried

Hi All, Day 4 and hangin' in there.

Sasha, HOOT!:H If she comes out and says "I'm on antibiotics I'll fall off my chair laughing and say "Uh, uh, uh...you quit drinking didn't you! Thanks for the best wishes.

Accountable, Thanks! I agree, maybe she'll use it as a good excuse to cut back at least...

Living Free, I hope you're right that it gets easier, I don't have to worry about doing this too much as I have very few good friends. :H

Doggy Girl, Thanks for the BD wishes. I thought along your lines today that NOTHING else really matters as much right now as me staying sober - not even friendship.

Vlad, Hope your mom-in-law tries again. I think I was making a way bigger deal in my mind about this than it really is. My mom (rip) always said honesty is the best policy.

Green Eyes, Thank-you for the BD wish. (I'm ready to start forgetting them :H) Your thoughts are right on and so true. If anyone doesn't like it they can go fly a kite!

KBCG, That's what I'm talking about, you feel a bit like you're letting a best friend down but I can't afford to think that way. Congrats on 6 days. KOTGW (Keep Up The Good Work).

Regards All Wolf Dreamer :thanks:

[Sheepish]

Worried

Happy Bday Wolf Dreamer-
I've had the same question myself- will people notice if I DON"T drink and what does THAT mean?
(probably nothing to anyone but me!) But I still wonder...
Would love to hear how you go-
Be well
Sheep

[louise]

Worried

Happy birthday and congrats on your 4 days. I have had friend quit drinking. They just said they quit and I never asked them anymore about it and that was that! I think we make things harder than they are. If they are really our friend they will accept that.

[boozehag]

Worried

Just on the topic of what do you say to people about not drinking. Lately when offered a drink I have been saying oh no thanks I am a recovering alcoholic. Most people just go yeah right and laugh. When I say no seriously I am then they just laugh again, shake their heads in disbelief and wander off to get me whatever I ordered. So even if you tell the truth no one will believe you.
BH (no more)

[Doggygirl]

Worried

Hi Wolf!! Is it Day 5 now? 4 or 5...congratulations.

LOL - I do NOT NOT NOT have birthdays any more. I have anniversaries....of my 29th birthday.

TWENTY-NINE FOREVAH!!!!!

My favorite new line? (and yes, I actually said it out loud to two people last Saturday!)

"Problem is, I DON'T want "A" drink. I want ALL the drinks. Therefore I'm better off with none."

Happy 'nother AF day to you Wolf!

DG
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