im angry with myself so is my dh which i thought meant dumb husband by the way, i cant get onto chat my computer is having a withdrall
l all on its own!
i seem to have gone back to beating myself up and rightly so as it is only me who can stop drinking to blank out problems
but it is also only me who can give me a biit of slack and realise alot of the time i make a rod to beat my own back so to speak
i have really needed to go onto chat, i think without contact (which i have been for a while) with people who understand i am not drinking because i want to but because it takes away feelings of guilt amd inadequacy
its not all bad though i finally found my soul food and my reason to exist, no one makes me feeel more alive than my wonderfull grandson shane
i dont have to pretend to be anything when he is here and i read that spiritual families ie people who you have known before are linked
well drunk or sober i have been told that my guardian angel is my son who was never born and i really do beleive that he is reborn in shane
sounds mad doesnt it
but the very first time i saw him i knew him and i didnt feel like that with my other grandchildren
then people look at me as if i have gone mad but the only way i can describe it is as soul food and I feel like I know him and he knows me i know this sounds like a very strange post but maybe if you have experienced this you will understand
his mum and dad have caled me on numerous occasions, once he came crawling out to me in nothing but a nappy and immediately stops crying when i have him
i mus t do something right sometimes then he is not here tonight i had to work i had to send him home
his mum txt me to say he was cryin cos my son got no time for him and really when i got time for me i feel guilty
i dont have him for them i have him for him
we are all blessed with the gift of life
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