soul food

[fairyfeet]

hi everyone i have started drinking again, but not too much
im angry with myself so is my dh which i thought meant dumb husband by the way, i cant get onto chat my computer is having a withdrall
l all on its own!
i seem to have gone back to beating myself up and rightly so as it is only me who can stop drinking to blank out problems
but it is also only me who can give me a biit of slack and realise alot of the time i make a rod to beat my own back so to speak
i have really needed to go onto chat, i think without contact (which i have been for a while) with people who understand i am not drinking because i want to but because it takes away feelings of guilt amd inadequacy
its not all bad though i finally found my soul food and my reason to exist, no one makes me feeel more alive than my wonderfull grandson shane
i dont have to pretend to be anything when he is here and i read that spiritual families ie people who you have known before are linked
well drunk or sober i have been told that my guardian angel is my son who was never born and i really do beleive that he is reborn in shane
sounds mad doesnt it
but the very first time i saw him i knew him and i didnt feel like that with my other grandchildren
then people look at me as if i have gone mad but the only way i can describe it is as soul food and I feel like I know him and he knows me i know this sounds like a very strange post but maybe if you have experienced this you will understand
his mum and dad have caled me on numerous occasions, once he came crawling out to me in nothing but a nappy and immediately stops crying when i have him
i mus t do something right sometimes then he is not here tonight i had to work i had to send him home
his mum txt me to say he was cryin cos my son got no time for him and really when i got time for me i feel guilty
i dont have him for them i have him for him
we are all blessed with the gift of life

[Evie.Lou]

soul food

I am so glad to hear from you Fairy....How great it is to have such a strong soul connection with another being.I felt that way from the first day that I say my new Hubby.We looked in each others eyes and there was an instant knowing.I would love to have that close a relationship with one or more of my grandchildren.I rarely get to see them and that hurts.Enjoy that bond of love and see that you can be teachers to each other.You must take care of you so that you will be the best that you can be for your Soul buddie.Children are such a gift and keep life interesting.Please work on getting healthy...you have so much to live for....Blessings to you...Evie

[Muddle]

soul food

Your post is moving, Fairy, thank you. Family is irreplaceable; I am so happy for those of you who have someone who cares what becomes of you. I understand drinking due to the feelings of inadequacy, but it's a vicious circle, isn't it? For me, I drink because I feel inadequate, and I feel more inadequate when I can't control the dirnking. I hope to meet you in chat sometime.

[Cinders]

soul food

Maisie,

You touched on something VERY important here.

For me, I drink because I feel inadequate, and I feel more inadequate when I can't control the dirnking.

The feelings of inadequacy and/or guilt which we experience when we slip do NOTHING but lead to more drinking.

I heard this in rehab a lot but didn't really "get" it until lately. Addiction feeds on guilt.

AFM touched on this today, too. You will never break the cycle of your addiction unless you just let the past be past and gone, and just work on today.

Love,
Cindi

[Muddle]

soul food

I couldn't agree more, Cindi. I'm here because I don't want to feel guilty about the things I say and do when I'm drinking, but I have to let guilt and shame for the past go in order to get a handle on the addiction. Since none of us can change yesterday, TODAY is what is important.