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    #1

    Not Sure What To Do

    I have shared on other posts that my husband and I go out ALOT to sing Karaoke. I was feeling a little anxious the other day about going out, and feeling like I might want to drink. I was all set to go out last night, feeling very strong, feeling like I would be fine, but he didn't want to go.
    I started talking about going out tonight and he acted like he wasn't very interested. He is usually raring to go!!!! I asked him why he was acting like he didn't want to go. He said, he didn't like going when he was the only one drinking. I said, "Oh." Then, I said, "So, does this mean we'll never go out again?" He just shrugged his shoulders.
    I know this is HIS problem. I am sure he just feels like he will be under a microscope. I don't know. But it still hurt my feelings. It made me feel like he can only have fun with me when I am drinking. That scares me. Thanks for letting me vent......

    Shelby
    "PAIN IS JUST WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY!" USMC
    Tags: None
    #2
    Not Sure What To Do

    A little more history is that I was married to an alcoholic my first marriage. I was always the one who didn't drink when we went out because I knew I had to drive home. I know he thinks about this, because one night we went out and he referred to himself by my ex's name when I took the keys to drive. Ugh.......He acted like an ass that night. Maybe he is just afraid he will do it again. I don't know.
    "PAIN IS JUST WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY!" USMC

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      #3
      Not Sure What To Do

      Hi Shelby
      I just read your post, you poor thing!!! It is so hard for some people to understand what it is like to try to fight something and really need their support. Maybe if your hubby doesn't have a problem he just cannot understand what it is like for you? Would he read these forums do you think? To get a perspective on what you are going through, why it's so important to you, and why you need his support.
      I guess the thing is, he is used to being around you as a drinking buddy and so he doesn't know how to cope with things changing. But maybe this change will be a great thing and you guys can do stuff that isn't about drinking. I wouldn't have thought karoake was - but I guess many times you need to be drunk to get up there and sing! ha ha
      Hang in there though, you have made the right decision for YOU. As Gia said to me on a post just now, it's your body and your life - you know what is right for you and good for you and others around you will have to learn to accept it.
      Good luck and I hope your hubby comes around!!!!
      Fish x

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        #4
        Not Sure What To Do

        Thank you, Fish. My husband and I talked. The funny thing, is yes a lot of people DO need that liquid courage to get up and sing. Neither of us do!!!! It is just that he felt I would think of him as I did my ex-husband. My ex was horrible to me. We talked.. I assured him that he is a different person. He loves me, and is there for me. I never feel the same way about a situation when we are out and I am not drinking and he is. All is well, and we are going out. He understands how important it is for me to go out and prove that I CAN go and partake of our favorite past time with out the drinking. AND, I am fine if HE does!!!! He knows I am not fine if he drinks too much and acts like a jerk, which he rarely does. So, Thank you for letting me vent. I am glad I had a space to go to air my thoughts before I talked to him.

        Shelby
        "PAIN IS JUST WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY!" USMC

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          #5
          Not Sure What To Do

          So cool that you guys can communicate so well!
          _______________
          NF since June 1, 2008
          AF since September 28, 2008
          DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
          _____________
          :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
          5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
          _______________
          The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

          Comment

            #6
            Not Sure What To Do

            WOW! Sounds like your hubby and my BF are THE BEST! :waving: Good for you on communicating your thoughts. I find this hard to do myself sometimes.

            Comment

              #7
              Not Sure What To Do

              Shelby, First of all a big Kudos for you for sticking to your resolve. I am happy that you and hubby are able to openly communicate! He is probably afraid of change and you living as a non-drinker is a huge change! Perhaps it is causing him to reflect on his own drinking?? Either way, I hope you can enjoy your singing very soon!!
              A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes~Cinderella

              AF 12/6/2007

              Comment

                #8
                Not Sure What To Do

                Hi Shelby

                Wow, so glad you talked it out! Keep talking and keep talking and keep talking. Good for you and my hat is also off for hubby for being decent enough to see your side as well. Keep AF as long as you want!!!!!!:goodjob:
                Matt

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                  #9
                  Not Sure What To Do

                  Good Sunday Morning!!!! Boy does it feel GREAT to wake up after a night out on the town, singing up a storm!!!! I feel great! A little tired from being up till 2:00 a.m. but I am not hung over. I sang well, didn't act like a dork cuz I was drunk, we had fun and got home safely. My husband drank, he had fun, and all is good. We talked on the way home. He told me how proud he was of me. He said it was neat to watch me, He said it never seemed like I was sitting there pining for a beer. I drank my Sharps, and just had a good time. He admitted that he felt he "should" be doing what I am doing, but he doesn't want to. I told him then don't. I don't expect him to. He has to want to
                  I would never want him to do anything for me, or because he doesn't want to. I said, Yea, it would be good for you, you would lose weight, you would feel better, yada, yada, yada, but this is about me. I am doing this because I choose to, and it doesn't involve you, nor do I expect it to. If you choose to do anything, it is up to you. I will not judge you for drinking. It was a great evening. Even greater as I drove past a cop that had someone pulled over and never felt that "OMG!!!!!" feeling. I just thought, poor sap......... Man, what a great day!
                  "PAIN IS JUST WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY!" USMC

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Not Sure What To Do

                    Sorry for so late in responding; but you and your husband sound like you have really good communication and that is absolutely wonderful. It makes me smile for the both of you. Being able to talk openly without getting critizied or judged is very rare I find. And that's awesome you had the strength to hold your resolve and not drink without making him uncomfortable, so many people don't understand or don't feel comfortable if you say "no thanks, I don't drink".
                    Glad you had a great night. I have not done Karaoke in a very long time..

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Not Sure What To Do

                      Hiya, glad you shared that, I too feel that my usual going out buddies no longer want my company if I am not drinking - ho hum. I do admit I am not as 'funny' or 'entertaining' sober but I also am not as 'embarrasing' or no-one has to make sure "Lorna gets home okay ha ha" either....

                      Lx
                      Rather die standing, than live on my knees, begging Please..... No More.......

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