Aching Heart

[Guest]

I had been doing very well, on supps and cd's for 2 weeks and topa for 1 week, just up'd it to 50 mg on monday. Yesterday I broke down....You see, yesterday morning, my 10 year old son's, best friend's Dad died of a heart attack! They live right next door! He died in the parking lot right when he got to work...Just thinking about it, I can't even breath sometimes. We live in a new development which we all just moved in within the year from all over. Some local, some from far away. Anyway, they moved in late summer, just got sod in Oct. so the Parents weren't outside much, just the boy (they have 2 older kids also). So I have only talked to the Mom a few times other than calling "can you send....home for dinner...yes he's here" "I have to go to target, can you watch..." "yes he is here, spending the night..." well you all get the picture if you have kids, inseperable at that age. So now she is alone, thank goodness for her church group because they know HER so much better than I do...how is she going to manage! When my son came home from school yesterday and we had to tell him.(how do you tell a ten year old that his best friend just lost his Dad)..So hard, only 10 years old and he lost his father. We told our son that he will need to be there for him.... Our son is so soft hearted he ran right over without our permission gave him a hug and they sat and then started doing boy things....I have said if there is anything I can do....I can watch ....call me any time...! I don't know what else to do right now, I hardly know her, just my son's best friends MOM.
Sorry to be rambling....My heart is broken!

So here is my part of the story. We are trying to survive for ourselves, right, but for me it is work fighting cravings still .. In the book; the topa, supps, cd's, all worked and that was that, didn't want to have more than one or two drinks after the first night or two on topa. NOT ME! I went for the whole 6 pack! Why could I not stop after the first two, why did I have to keep going.. I want to stop, been doing so good and have been doing everything by the book, so why did I keep going and want to keep going last night!

I can deal with myself..Please pray or send love for the family. Thanks.

Hug your spouse and kids tonight!
Thanks for Listening,
~Tammie

[Guest]

Aching Heart

heavy heart

Tammie - So sorry to hear about your neighbor - I have kids that age and the thought of them losing their dad is scary. So much more incentive for us to stay as healthy as we can for our children. Don't beat yourself up for your slip up - you've been doing so well. It happens and the good thing about this board is that we can admit it, learn from it and move on. What advice would you give someone on this board if they described your situation? So, take your own advice, don't be harder on yourself than you would be on someone else reaching out. You obviously care deeply about others in the way you care for the people in your neighborhood and the way you share in these posts. Your friend's family will be in my thoughts.

[Guest]

Aching Heart

Re: heavy heart

Tammie,
So sorry to hear the news about your neighbor ... my heart goes out to everyone near the situation, especially the little boy. Sometimes it doesn't sink in for the young ones right away. How thoughtful and kind hearted of you to educate your son in helping his friend, wow, what terrific parents you are.

I will share with you what I keep being reminded of on this board ... the timing of everything in this program works a little differently for everyone. For some the cravings stop right away, for others takes a little longer, for some they have side affects to topa, for others, none. You seem very committed to me, so I know you'll figure out what adjustments you need to make. I tried to "test the waters" too early and found out, perhaps like you, I didn't stop after 1 or 2 either. I just wasn't ready "yet", but I will be someday, and so will you, ...in time. Hang in there.

Warm Regards,
Gracie

[Guest]

Aching Heart

Re: heavy heart

Tammie that is a pretty shocking and devastating thing to experience-the reason i think you didn't stop at 2 drinks like the book is because you were in an emotional crisis BIG difference from being content enjoying an occasional drink - I am so proud of you and know you will succeed-if you wish to be a moderate drinker-do it when there's peace in your life-in nursing we call it ineffective individual coping- i tell myself about it all the time you are here you are human and we are not perfect i think your strength is amazing and hope i can eventually leave my drink behind for now taking calm forte and staying away from brandy is a big deal for me-look at well you are doing you can go days without drinking kudos to you i am in your court come talk anytime-Carrie

[Guest]

Aching Heart

Tammie;

I send you hugs! My heart goes out to your neighbor, my son is a few years older than yours, but boys are very attached to their fathers.


My prayers and thoughts with you and your neighobors wife and son..

Brandy

[Guest]

Aching Heart

Hey Tammie,

Of COURSE you drank the six pack! If it were me, I would have drank the whole bottle of wine. You've just started the program and only have a little bit of experience under your belt. This isn't a minor frustration, it is a major tragedy. I'm so sorry for you, for your poor widowed neighbor, for the kids, for everyone. Just do your best, and keep on trying. I'm several weeks into the program and doing much better, but I'm still a work in progress. Most days, I don't drink, and when I do, drink maybe a third of what I used to. Cut yourself some slack! You will be in my prayers.

Blessings,
Kathy

[Guest]

Aching Heart

Tammie,
Prayers and wishes for everyone involved. I am pretty sure that drinking would have been my knee jerk reaction at this point as well. I have a ten year old boy too. I know what you mean about them being inseperable with each other. Big warm hug and kind thoughts.

[Guest]

Aching Heart

Thank you all for your thoughts. I wish I could say I did better today. But tomorrow is another day! My son is so wonderful. He went next door after school to see Noah...He came home 3 hours later, with a scraped toe saying "Grandma chased after me" he had met them over x-mas (remember we all just moved in this past summer and from all over the US). So I was glad to hear that they were laughing....There is just nothing I can do right now. I will go over there next week or the following when no one else is around and she seems all alone. I think that has got to be the hardest. My goodness, she is my age and her husband is (was)just alittle bit older then my hubby. (he was 48 ) ....Yet life goes on! Some times I wonder, when it's "your time, it's your time" so why is heath a issue?...Just a thought!

Hugs and thanks to all,
~tammie

[Guest]

Aching Heart

It has got to be tough for you. I am sure a big part of your stress is that you keep thinking of working the program and then the situation happening to you. Just focus. It isn't happening to you. Breathe. It might take a couple of days or a couple of weeks. Don't beat yourself up for any slips, but don't "allow" yourself any either because of the situation.

Things will ease up and get back to normal. You can do this Tammie. We are all here for you.

-Nina

[Guest]

Aching Heart

Thank you Nina...My Mom said pretty much the same thing. Do what you can...but get on with it, live for today and don't put yourself in someone elses shoes...That's Mom for you, straight and forward. The funeral is tomorrow. Thanks.

[Guest]

Aching Heart

Tammie;

You are still a major inspiration here, you are a very loving concerned neighbor and your son sounds like a great big help to Noah...

If you drink, don't beat yourself up, remember we get to do it AGAIN!

Hugs, love and prayers..

Brandy

[Guest]

Aching Heart

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow Tammie. Hope you'll be ok at the funeral.

Marcie

[Guest]

Aching Heart

Tammie, what an awful horrible experience. By now the funeral is probably over but this is going to take a long time to pass.

take care of you and your family. I shared your story with my daughters and we are all thinking of you.

Take care

Yvonne

[Guest]

Aching Heart

Thank you for everyone for your thoughts and support. Yesterday was very hard for all, sad, but loving service...

Thank you all for letting me share this with you since only my husband and children know that I am doing this program. It is hard to start a program like this and then within a week have something major happen. But I do know that I will just pick myself back up and go on even stronger than before...and that is what I did! Day 2!

Thanks again to all,
Tammie

[Guest]

Aching Heart

aching heart

Tammie,
Thanks for sharing this and for updating us. I'm glad you got thru your difficult weekend ok, and without drinking...that's great! You sound like a wonderful neighbor. The family next door is lucky to have someone like you and your son in their lives. Continue to stay strong. You are in my prayers! Gina