Knew I wasn't going to make it

[Seacailin]

Once again, I sit here on a Monday when I should be working. I had made plans for this past Saturday quite awhile back, and I knew that AL would be involved. My priority plans fell through and I could have backed out on my other plans, but did not. I know that I must abstain completely. I cannot moderate. Easy to say when I'm hurting. As soon as I start to feel good again, I'm off. I cannot keep repeating this cycle. I feel like Hell physically and emotionally. I need to find a way to make it through these weekends. It's not as difficult during the week.

[brittzak]

Knew I wasn't going to make it

Sea, are you taking the supps? Have you tried Topamax? Do you have any support other than here? next time you feel the urge come here instead of drinking.

[Seacailin]

Knew I wasn't going to make it

I have not started the supps yet. I am having financial problems. I didn't want to try the Topamax without talking with a doc, and I have no health insurance. I really don' t have much support right now. I could go back to AA. I just get so anxious at the meetings. Not sure whch way to turn at this point, but I will keeping trying, and I will keep coming here.

[Doggygirl]

Knew I wasn't going to make it

Seacailin, this is not an easy path. Saturdays have always been my roughest day of the week because Mr. Doggy and I host dog training at our house all day, and I historically drank pretty much throughout the day myself (old, well engrained habit) then there is the "afterglow" with everyone sitting around my house drinking.

I realized something important this past week that you might want to consider as you mentioned weekends feel so formidable to you.

Here are my new thoughts on my own Saturdays. I used to give Saturdays and thoughts of drinking on Saturdays way, WAY too much power. I made it a struggle and a fight internally. And if I were to fail in my AF efforts, I just KNEW it would be on Saturday - the most tempting day of the week for me. GUESS WHAT. By doing that, I believe I was secretly PLANNING to drink. AL in my head always wants a fix, and by making this Big Deal out of Saturdays...I subconsciously planned my falls from the wagon. No more.

Saturday is just another day. I have one response, and one only to thoughts of drinking. No. Whether I have one thought of drinking in a day, or 1,000 in a day, the answer to that thought always has to be the same - no. I felt WAY more comfortable this past Saturday and didn't crave alcohol nearly as much by not stressing so much over it - and treating it like any other time.

I also think it's important to put your sobriety first. That might mean at least initially, avoiding situations that will be really difficult. i.e. Go to a movie on a weekend evening - even if you have to go alone - rather than meet friends in drinking situations that will be difficult. Your true friends will understand.

I'm not trying to over simplify this - I know it's hard and I have not yet been the picture of success that I plan to be. But I'm learning a lot along the way and I KNOW I will kick this addiction because I've decided it's my #1 priority.

As Luv suggested - make sure you are availing yourself of all the available tools you can find. Supplements, CD's, prescription drugs if needed, local doctors or rehab, etc. If you are willing to do whatever it takes to succeed, you will.

Believe in yourself!! We can do this.

DG
**************************

[brittzak]

Knew I wasn't going to make it

AA isnt for everyone. However, have you tried different meetings? I didnt fell good about my first group and joined another.

[KateH1]

Knew I wasn't going to make it

Hey Sea, Sorry you had a slip up....sometimes it takes a few of those to really comitt. I understand the whole tight finance thing, but, for the price of a bottle you can buy some L-Glutamine, it really does help with the cravings!! Use the money to build up your supps, stash!!

I also completely agree with doggygirl, the weekends are just another day of the week!! Honestly, why waste a perfectly good day off with feeling like crap!!! I'd rather get a second job!

Hope you feel better soon!
xx Kate

[Tina Desparate]

Knew I wasn't going to make it

Very scared

Hi All,

I just joined and I really want to quit. I downloaded the book and order some meds today. I am very scared I cannot do this but I am going to really try. Yesterday I had way too much AL and I know it is time to stop. I just hope I can make it. I feel terrible today and cannot even work. I feel so guilty. I think this support here will help me so much. I don't like going to the AA meetings either. I also work so much I can't make to the times they are available.

I am just going to try to post every day and read others so I can be encouraged. I want to stop completely. I don't think I can handle moderate.

Good luck to you Sea. I know about weekends and that is when I really mess up because it is Summer and I go on the lake and think the water and AL go together. I want to give it up because it keeps me from doing so many things. I feel guilty all the time and do not want to even go to church because AL stands in my way.

I used to be such a good person. I want the old me back before I started drinking.

[Guest]

Knew I wasn't going to make it

Ah, I'm sorry Sea.. I know you can do this. You're wonderful, and you are strong. You had a slip. We are all human, and it happens. The main thing is that you know you did something you're not comfortable with; so many people have done far worse things than you and have never thought nothing of it. Do something which brings you comfort; read a book, your favourite TV show or movie, or even stay here...

[CS04]

Knew I wasn't going to make it

Seacalin,
I understand your pain, and understand how difficult the weekends are. My 1st weekend AF I was an absolute crabby moody bitch; this past one was better but I was still tempted to drink. As DG said, it is not easy, and I told my hubby as much.

I too am going off the Topamax; too expensive even with insurance. But I got the L-Glut for about $8. If you have a Trader Joe's near you, they have a lot of supps for very reasonable prices as well.

I know you said you don't have much support, but if you can find even one friend or family member to talk to, that might make all the difference. Of course we are here for you too! And the AA groups do have different personalities (some are all women, etc.) Keep trying. Don't forget about exercise, too -- even just going for a walk around the block for 20 minutes can be enough of a distraction from picking up a drink. It's tough and a lot of it sucks (not as easy as in the book!) but every morning you wake up NOT hungover and remorseful, you will feel better. Do take care and drink lots of water today.

[tlrgs]

Knew I wasn't going to make it

just keep on doing your best .you can do this.. stay busy and come to the site offen when you start feel like you want al and write down how you are feel and go to chat and just talk it out . with someone that will listen .. remember you are not alone .we are here for you..
peace, love and god bless

[Evie.Lou]

Knew I wasn't going to make it

Dear Sea,The advise given so far has been great so i am not sure that I have anything wise to add...just make a plan ahead of time for something to fill your weekends.The idea of a second job was wise or maybe volenteer at an animal shelter.Something productive.If you have not tried Antabuse it can be very affective to make you think before you drink.You can buy it online without RX so no DRs. visit to add to the cost.This site is always here and free for the taking.You may PM me anytime if I can help.You can do this,I did and i am not near as strong as many others....LOL..Evie

[Seacailin]

Knew I wasn't going to make it

Thank u all

Thanks for support and suggestions. I was thinking that instead of spending money on AL, I could buy some of the supps. I am feeling a little better. I am definitely working tomorrow. I know that I will be a bit anxious, but I will get through it. I can download the book for what I spend on beer in one day. I think that will be a good start. I do talk to my daughter about AL. She is almost 20, and is well aware of my problem. She was upset when I brought beer home on Friday evening. I don't want to let my kids down. I plan to stick around here.

[FloridaBoy]

Knew I wasn't going to make it

Seacailin;348144 wrote: Once again, I sit here on a Monday when I should be working. I had made plans for this past Saturday quite awhile back, and I knew that AL would be involved. My priority plans fell through and I could have backed out on my other plans, but did not. I know that I must abstain completely. I cannot moderate. Easy to say when I'm hurting. As soon as I start to feel good again, I'm off. I cannot keep repeating this cycle. I feel like Hell physically and emotionally. I need to find a way to make it through these weekends. It's not as difficult during the week.

I have been there too. The best thing to do is stay away from events where AL will be a big temptation until you get a weekend or two AF. You can do it because you want to.

You will feel a lot better about your self too.

[gyco]

Knew I wasn't going to make it

hi sea your kind of like my bro dont no if you do what he does but he gets blitzed on th weekends and suffers for the week and does it all over i was different it didnt mattter when i drank and i didnt get blitzed just fell asleep and when i woke i had a beer or to and it would start all over i worked until someone smelled me one day ended insanitarium and now im here and at aa dont no if im an alkie i dont have problem stoppin it pisses people off i hope this helps if you need someone to talk to on fridays come here gyco good luck

[Sheepish]

Knew I wasn't going to make it

Hey Gyco
Thie post you responded to is a few weeks old- the good news is Seacailin is doing a lot better now and that is great!
Take care of yourself- keep posting
-Sheep