Blacking Out

[Guest]

After reading all of the back and forth on the book, A Million Little Pieces, I decided to start reading it to see what all of the hub-bub was about. At first, I thought "This book is way over the top and I can't relate to this guys story." and then I started to pick up on some subtle things that were a bit enlightening to me.

The first thing I realized he and I had in common, (sorry it is a bit yucky), is that a few times in college I got so drunk that I peed the bed because I was either passed out or in such a deep sleep. OK WOW. I thought I was the only person who ever did that.

Then he goes on to talk about blacking out every day of the week. I thought, "Geez, who does that?" Then it hit me. "You DID!" Well not every day, but basically every time I drank I did and that was on average 4 times per week.

Now forgive the irony here, but since finding MWO, I can't remember the last time I blacked out.

I just thought it might be a good topic to talk about. How we can relate to his story and how we can't. How we can learn and grow from it and what we can take from it. I am only about 1/4 way through the book and was ready to put it down, but now I think there is some wisdom I can take from it.

Anyone care to share?

-Nina

[Guest]

Blacking Out

Nina..I love your honesty. I love the honesty of these boards. Isn't that why we come here? We come here to find others like us. To know that we aren't alone in struggle. To remind ourselves what we left behind. And you reminded me, too, that I haven't blacked out in so, so long. Amazing

I loved A Million Little Pieces. I loved My Friend Leonard. They moved me to tears. Absolute tears. The emotion of James Frey's writing was brilliant. I got so caught up in his books, I couldn't put them down. I have never read through two books so quickly. I have two children, and I never have time to read two books like that...but I managed!

Yes, he is a brilliant writer, poignant...but did you go to smokinggun.com and read the full report...? I know I said this before in the other post, but if you didn't read it, then you won't understand. It makes you question the very integrity of the writer. And if you question the integrity of the writer, then how do you even know he even had those blackouts he wrote about?

Can you imagine coming to these boards and then finding out they were all embellished...all fraudulent at some level? That the people helping you on the other ends were all making up their stories?

And I am not criticizing Frey easily. My heart hurts in a way because Frey made me feel things that I identified with or empathized with and then I felt that they were {feelings that were} "yanked away" {from me} or felt unnecessarily because they didn't happen in real life.

So, in response, if the book helps bring you closer to others on the board as a discussion topic, that is great. I know I seem very sensitive on this subject, but it is because I was one of biggest fans of the book and I carried a very deep message from it.

Again, I hope you all realize that getting honest about your addiction is what heals you. These boards are honest.

Nina, thanks for reminding me about blackouts.

By the way, Misha told me I need to write more posts like this. She said I haven't posted very many like this lately.

[Guest]

Blacking Out

I haven't read this book but I'm anxious to get it after reading these posts. I also agree about the honesty. I am finally admitting how out of control my drinking problem had become. I've had so many blackouts over the years, but the worst was in December. I had been drinking all day, still managed to go out to dinner with friends - they drink too, just not as much as me. Most of the night is a complete blur except a few moments here and there. Later that night, I fell down a flight of stairs, bruised my arms & legs, scrathed my face ... what a sight I was the next day.

That Monday, I searched the web and found MWO. I ordered the book. I didn't take the step. That was on Dec 5th. I had another bad day on Jan 1st. On Jan 3rd, I ordered everything (CD, supps, topo) and got started last Thursday. I am going to work so hard at it and be honest for probably the first time. (BTW, I didnt do so good yesterday, but taking each day, one day at a time).

-Gracie

[Guest]

Blacking Out

Gracie

Over my 30 year binge drinking career, blacking out became a way of life for me. I was like a Jekly and Hyde person. Every time I drank I blacked out. I couldn't count the times I fell down stairs, up stairs, off balconies, over fences, hit cupboards, banged into things, tripped over the cats, you get the picture. I'm truly amazed I survived in one piece. My work colleagues at my last job (who didn't know I had a drinking problem) just thought I was most most accident prone person they'd ever met! My poor hubby who had to pict me up all the time knew better.

I know how you are feeling and I know that feeling of awful desperation when you realise that the booze has taken control. The best advice I can give you Gracie, is to grab the MYO program with both hands, hold it tight and follow it as close as you can at least in the first few months. It really does offer you a good chance to break the terrible cycle you are in now. It did for me and it can for you. I'm not, by any means perfect, but the terrible drinking and blackout cycle has been broken for me.

All the best and hope to see you hanging in.

Mish

[Guest]

Blacking Out

Mish-
Thank you. I really am encouraged by this site and this program, especialy hearing from others like you who have been successful with it. I don't want to wake up piecing together the night before or finding some piece of awful evidence that reminded me of something stupid I did. I can't wait to be in your shoes in a few months, encouraging a new member of this site.

Gracie-

[Guest]

Blacking Out

Welcome Gracie,

It sounds as though that awful fall you had last month may have been a blessing in disguise, the catalyst for a whole new, healthier life. I can tell you that MWO really does work- all we have to do is our part. And yes, it's wonderful not to have to "piece together" the events of the night before!

Best,
Kate

[Guest]

Blacking Out

Thanks for the support Kate. Glad to be here and I'm going to work hard. All these stories I've read... blackouts, hiding alcohol, etc. it's been such as eye opener! I'm sure everyone says the same thing when they arrive. Gracie

[Guest]

Blacking Out

I wanted to start this thread in hopes of bringing back a bit of hope to some in light of all the recent slip-ups. Many seem a bit down from them. I have sliped myself here and there, but have realized the less I beat myself up for them the less they occur.

I just wanted to bring up some more success that we can have with MWO. This program is truley amazing. I guess what I am most amazed about was when I was thinking who blacks out that much and then realized that I used to. I almost stopped breathing. This program really works if you let it and embrace it.

As for the smoking gun; We learn and grow from fiction works every day. There is too much to his books that we know ring true. I don't have time to ponder what isn't, but only what is. I want to spend my time healing. If his book helps, then i'll have two please.

-Nina

[Guest]

Blacking Out

blacking out

Thanks for reminding me of how bad I was, and that I am actually getting better now. I too have had many mornings of not remembering how I got my night gown on and got into bed. On one occasion - I apparently made plans on the telephone to go to someone's lake house and was shocked to find out that I was expected. Another time I made an appointment with a cutco knife saleslady over the telephone (no recollection) and she showed up on my doorstep - I felt so ashamed, guilty disgusted, etc that I bought $350 worth of knives. Remembering those makes me feel better about my progress when I do have a "slip" now. My slips now are 3 - 4 drinks over the course of several hours. I don't have blackouts anymore. I still feel guilty after one of those nights (but not to the point of tears or buying hundreds of dollars worth of stuff) It's a long road, with bumps along the way, but we can all keep pushing forward!

[Guest]

Blacking Out

Re: blacking out

Maria,
I had to laugh about your story about buying the set of knives, too funny! Have many stories myself of plans I've made and things I've bought -- could never admit to my friends that followed up that I had no clue what they were talking about.

Anyway, so glad to hear you are doing well and making progress. Good for you ... as it should be!!

-Gracie

[Guest]

Blacking Out

Re: blacking out

Oh God yes, that could get expensive. Things always looked so good in the back of Gourmet magazine,too. Next day, FedEX, overnight delivery, huge packed styrofoam container: LOBSTERS?? I bought $250 worth of live lobsters???

Yeah, better to be sober.

Kate

[Guest]

Blacking Out

blackouts

Kate and Gracie - It's a relief to be able to laugh at stupid things we have done. Otherwise, we'd really be depressed. It's not so funny at the time though. Let's hope we never go there again and if we do - we have the courage to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off etc. It's also nice to get this stuff off of my chest - I haven't told anyone these stories before! Thanks for being here.

[Guest]

Blacking Out

Re: blackouts

I agreed while toasty to host the work christmas party at my house. Had to follow through too.

Maria, I am at 125 mg right now, I am thinking of not going much higher if at all. Are you taking topamax? I think I could live with very rare to occasional slip of 3 to 4 drinks. I need to see my doctor for the first follow up.

[Guest]

Blacking Out

blackouts

Vida - I've also, been very generous, given away stuff, agreed to comittments, etc while loaded (although - I do remember those incidents) Hope your party was good!

I am not doing Topomax right now - I was on it about 2 months ago for about 3 weeks. I had gotten it off of the internet, I was doing fine on it. It still required work on the other aspects of the program though. I stopped because I just got paranoid about taking any kind of drugs without checking with a doctor first. I have an annual physical scheduled in March and I will have to figure out if I want to bring it up then - Maybe I'll just continue as is, see how it goes between now and March. Best wishes!

[Guest]

Blacking Out

Re: blackouts

Too funny, still laughing..knives, lobsters...my offense, A huge box of 'designed for me' vitamins. At least I was thinking healthy in my fog I suppose. Too bad I didn't stumble onto the All One that night!