Same Old Story, New Determination

[Susitna]

Greetings, All:

I checked this site out a few months ago after a drinking episode that ended in a confrontation with my husband. Now I'm back again, with a few more confrontations under my belt. I know I'm an alcoholic, have known for years. I went through inpatient treatment when I was 25 and managed to stay off AL for several years. I went through cycles after that in which I'd drink, but would quickly recover.

More recently, my husband deployed to Iraq...and I had 15 months in which to thoroughly re-acquaint myself with my alcoholic side. He's back (and unharmed), and I'm still drinking. Yesterday, when he was out fishing with a friend, and when I was supposed to be working on school work (I'm in a PhD program), I went out and got myself a bottle of whiskey, thinking that I deserved a leisurely drink as I studied.

Today, the bottle is gone.

I'm very scared that I can't stop this time, and I am terrified that I'm driving my darling husband away. I'm afraid of exposure. I'm afraid of being sober. I'm afraid.

Well, that's the emo side of me. The practical side of me wants to find something that works, and to find people that I can talk to about this. From what I've seen of this site, this may be the place for me. I look forward to learning more about this site and all of you.

I appreciate any advice and good thoughts that anyone cares to send my way.

Thanks,

Syrpentine.

[Sunbeam]

Same Old Story, New Determination

Wow, I get the first chance to welcome you. The people here are very real, and we all help ourselves by helping others. Most quit drinking, a smaller number learn to moderate. No matter what kind of person/drinker you are, there are people here with whom you have a lot in common. Keep reading and posting - that is the most important thing of all. You really should order the book - it will best explain the choices that are made available here, though much of it is explained right on this web site. Ask questions of others here so you can learn from their experience. Kick out that old AL - He is mean to all of us, and we are his enemy! Through this program, you can decide how to get rid of him and get on with your life with your hubby. Take advantage of that determination - it can be hard to muster. Do it now!

[Susitna]

Same Old Story, New Determination

Thanks for the welcome, Sunbeam. I already know that I'm not interested in moderation...I've managed to go for years without a drink, and was happiest that way.

I appreciate the advice very much. I know that posting is vital; it's important to keep the determination at the forefront.

[Seacailin]

Same Old Story, New Determination

Welcome

I am new and struggling as well. The people here are very helpful and supportive. I plan to stick around. I hope u do too. I went into treatment when I was in my twenties and also remained AF for many years. I am finding it much more difficult now that I am divorced. That is actually when I first picked up again, when my marriage was ending.
I know that AL is no friend of mine. I am tired of feeling like crap, losing jobs, and making my kids feel uneasy. It is just not worth it, and I know that it is slowly killing me.

[Dolly Sunshine]

Same Old Story, New Determination

Welcome sober is scary...but very wonderful.

[Susitna]

Same Old Story, New Determination

Thanks for the Welcome!

Thanks, Seacailin and Dolly:

I downloaded the book and read it tonight. Based on that, I ordered the CDs, the supplements and the Topo. I'm eager to start. Let hubby know what I was doing, and his attitude overwhelmed me, as it always does...he's incredibly supportive and loving and kind, and I thank whatever gods may be that I'm lucky enough to have him.

I'm grateful for this site, and I'm grateful for my husband, and I'm grateful that I feel so much better than I did a few hours ago when I first posted here.

Guess i need to change my mood emoticon.

Thanks again all for the welcome. I look forward to talking more to you.:thanks:

[louise]

Same Old Story, New Determination

Welcome. It sounds like you are off to a good start. There is tons of info on this site as well (home page links as well as in threads). I would also recommend you join one of the many threads where people check in daily to touch base.

[biscuit]

Same Old Story, New Determination

Welcome syrpentine I am also new. Everyone here will help you. Read everything you can here
it is a very helpful starting point.

biscuit

[Doggygirl]

Same Old Story, New Determination

:colorwelcome: Syrpentine! I'm so glad you downloaded the book and talked with hubby and that things are looking brighter. There is no magic to quitting the booze, but the tools you purchased sure help a determined mind!! I can relate to the isolation you felt - not wanting to get "discovered" with your problem and all that. For so many of us, drinking ceased to be "fun" and "a party thing" a very long long time ago. It is VERY refreshing to be able to talk opening about all aspects of problem drinking and our histories here on MWO.

Since it sounds like you already know you wish to be alcohol free, make sure to check out the Monthly Abstinence section. There is a great Daily thread there, and a 30 Day at a time Booze Buster thread, and also an exercise thread if you are into that (love my endorphins and they are helping with AL!!) - all for regular daily type posting.

Please tell your husband how very thankful my family is for his service to our country.

WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!

DG
27 Days AF
***************************

[Foxypoxy]

Same Old Story, New Determination

Syrpentine - I too am very very scared at the moment. We can be there for each other. My husband is also very supportive - but I feel I am pushing him just too far at the moment. The messages I have received so far on here are really supportive and the common message seems to be to get on here as often as possible and "talk". So I look forward to talking to you xx

[OneTooMany]

Same Old Story, New Determination

:welcome: I'm new here too. I have a fab fiancee who is supporting me thru this battle. I also told my parents. I have a great support group in place at home. But I felt that I needed a support group of people who really understand my struggles with AL. That's why I love this site so much. You will receive so much NONJUDGMENTAL support from people that fully understand what you are going through. For me, one is too many and 10 is not enough. You can do this! I, too, knew that if I didn't quit, I would lose my fiancee. I had to decide what was more important to me -- booze or him. He won hands down! Keep coming here and posting. We're here for you. :l

[4theboyz]

Same Old Story, New Determination

Hello Syrpentine,

Yes, AL addiction is a scary thing and having to confront the emotions that accompany that addiction is very scary as well. I can empathize with your fears as having to be alone for so long while your husband is in harms way. You have had 450 days full of reasons to drink to help you face your fears of harm coming to your husband and the resentment of being left alone.

AL does a great job of numbing that pain but it is not the answer to living your life just numbing the pain and fears you have had to face. I do hope you find a new brightness in your life free of AL but it will take courage to say no and embrace the good things in your life to stay AF.

Keep posting, stay strong and I wish you well.

4tb

[Evie.Lou]

Same Old Story, New Determination

Al scares the pageesters out of me and I guess that is a good way to keep it.The beast amost killed me.I found the wonderful people on this site helped me get a grip.We can BEAT AL together...There is great power in so many people wanting the same thing...You can do this...we can help...Evie

[Larisa]

Same Old Story, New Determination

Hi and welcome, Syrp!

I've only been around for a little while, but for what it's worth, this site, these folks, and this program (book, cd, supps, topa, all of it) have kept me sober for 15 days. I haven't managed more than 5 in the last 7 years or so, including 3 years of pretty intense AA (I don't blame them). I started to feel a little hope when I found this site, and I wish that for you too.

[Susitna]

Same Old Story, New Determination

All, thanks. On day 3 now (but I've gone longer before giving in again...I can usually make it a week with a little effort, a month with a lot), and feeling better. Still tempted, of course, but know that this place is here and that everyone here EVERYONE knows what this is like is a huge comfort.

I'll check out the recommended threads. Unfortunately, I'm out of town for a symposium and i have a lot of homework to do as well. I'll try to check in once at least once a day in the recommended threads.

Oh...when I checked in my (very nice!) hotel, the clerk asked me if I wanted the mini-bar key. I blurted out "hell no!" He looked rather bemused.

For all you newbies =) I'm so glad to be along for the ride.

Thanks to you all.

Take care,

Syrp.