New Here- Please Help

[whitemarshmom]

:new:Hello
I just found this board today.. I am a full time working mother of 2 young children.. I really want to find a way to control or eliminate my addiction to Alcohol and Nicotine. My Dr calls what I do "self medication". I love to have wine after work. Usually a bottle a night. And along with that comes about a half pack of Light cigarettes sometimes more. In about the 4 hour window between when i get home from work and when its bedtime I have started buying small 4 packs of wine so I can have one on in my car on my home from work. I dont know where to start. I am 41 years old, and I love my children so dearly. I want to be around for them for a long time. and I know if I keep Drinking and Smoking like I do, I wont be.. How do I begin to moderate? Or do I need to stop all together.

[Evie.Lou]

New Here- Please Help

Welcome new friend,The best place to start is to download THE MWO book and read it,so you have a good idea what people will be posting about.You will find the support you need here.We can help you reach your goals.First figure out what your goals are.You can PM me if you think that I can help.Chat is a good place to get to ask questions and get to know people.Evenings are quite active there...you have come to a great place...Stick around...Evie

[Doggygirl]

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:colorwelcome: whitemarshmom! You have come to a fantastic place for support. You obviously care deeply for your children and want to give them the best possible "you." Do this for you first, and then everyone around you will share in the improved you!!

I second the motion to download the book from the Health Store - that's the right place to start. You will find that the book recommends 30 days of abstinence - regardless of your longer term goals. Some here have been successful at moderating their consumption. Some (like me!!) have learned the hard way that moderation just isn't possible - I've got no "off" switch for AL. (didn't for nictotine either - but 99% of people have no off switch for that!!)

Some here have quit smoking and drinking at the same time. I quit smoking way before I started my attempts to quit drinking. Some people have done it the other way - quit AL first, then nicotine later. It's possible in any of those combos. Getting free of those two addictions is wonderful - however you do it!!

Best wishes - look forward to getting to know you better!

DG
27 Days AF
***************************

[southernbelle47]

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:welcome:WMMOM

I have to agree with your doc.
Do you dread going home at night or are you just so keyed up from the day that you feel like you have to drink to start to relax?
How about waiting and eating something before you take a drink.
You are probably tired and hungry and thirsty.....one word....WATER....lots of it.
Oh ..and take really deep breaths on your way home. When we're stressed, we hold our breath or breath shallow.

Read the book and start to "find" yourself here. There is a lot of good advice here and support also.

:goodjobn coming here and posting...keep up the good work!
:lNancy

[LVT25]

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Dear White--You have a lot of good advice here already. I wanted to quit smoking for good, and I knew in order to do that, I needed to quit drinking too. Your story is so much like mine. I would often go to the store and buy a beer for the way home--but never smoked unless I was drinking, and NEVER drank unless I could smoke. After over 3 months I still find I cannot drink without a huge craving for a ciggie to go with it. I guess after 20 some years the brain is pretty stubborn about changing that behavior!

I started out moderating--and did really well, I might add, until I went out and was around my smoking friends. After 2-3 drinks I HAD to smoke! Then I smoked and drank until I got drunk. Which was not how I want to live my life anymore. So, I decided to try AF for while. I am on day 17, and it's pretty easy since I haven't been in any tempting situations.

[whitemarshmom]

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Thank you for your advice. I already am getting the feeling that I have come to the right place. I was just surfing around the internet and stumbled on this website. I will download the book from the health store and start there. At the advice of my Family Physician a couple weeks ago, when I had concerns about depresstion. She perscribed Zoloft for me, I just need to remember to take it regularly. It really does help with the anxiety. I just feel like I need to drink in order to relax and be calm enough to deal with the "witching" hours between getting home and dinner and bedtime. I told myself drinking makes me a better person for my kids. In fact, I know it doesnt. It makes me more patient and able to just play with them in the evenings and not stress about all the things at home..I really like the taste of wine, and of course enjoy the relaxing feeling it gives me.. But I tend to over do it, drinking as much as I do is not healthy, and the smoking is even worse. I only smoke outside and hide it from my 3 and a half year old.. I pride myself in the fact that I eat well, Lots of fruit, veggies, water and vitamins. But in reality, I know that the alcohol and nicotine have empowered themselves over me, and I am not in control any more. I want it to stop. I kick myself that I would allow something to have control over me. My mom was an alcoholic, and stopped that and smoking thru hypnosis.. years ago, and is 74 now, and she will probably live til she is 90!

[whitemarshmom]

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Hope

Thanks to everyone for your responses and encouragement. I feel that I am on the right path, to try and fix myself.. I have a question though, Do you all feel that you have done irrepreable damage to yourselves? or that no matter what you do to try and get healthy now, will be for nothing? Based on all the damage that has already been done, that your life will be shortened? I feel like I have a demon inside, and when I try to convince myself to seek help and stop the vicious cycle of drinking and smoking, it says "what if its too late"? What if I already have cancer brewing inside and dont even know it yet.. which of course is stressful, and leads to drinking and smoking to numb those thoughts. BTW, at the recommendation of my dr I have scheduled an appt with a Psychologist, who specializes in Hypnosis:thanks: Live Laugh Love

[dove]

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hey whitemarsh
i too drink to self medicate. i find it is the only time i let myself actually stop and relax. it's like, if i am drunk i can't worry about all the stress in my life. i don't know if that is how you feel or not. anyway, from experience you can totally spend four hours a night on here than drinking yourself to sleep!! sorry i have no great advice because i myself am still a mess at times.
stick around!
dove

[whitemarshmom]

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I will definitely stick around.. My daughter is sleeping and my son is outside with Dad, as he loves the outside, taking 4 wheeler rides in the woods and playing in his sandbox and building things. I cant lie, I am having some wine, I figure the box is almost gone, and by tomorrow night it will be, I bought it on Friday I will start when its empty, I just wont buy anymore Thats a start.. right? .

[whitemarshmom]

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Good Night and Thanks!

[livingfree]

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Hi Whitemarshmom and WELCOME!!

Dolphin is absolutely right. As addicted people we have 2 voices going on in our head. One says .... "we need something to relax," or "It's time to have some fun: break out the booze" or
"just a little, you will have more patience for the kids". When you think of the bad results from your excessive drinking, it says, "The good out weighs the bad." or "you've already done the damage may as well drink".

It seems like there are two of you! The other voice is the one that you wrote from above! The one that wants to quit! On one hand, you want to quit. On the other hand, "you" don't want to quit; "you" want to drink as much as "you" want, and time "you" want, forever. At least it seems that "you" do. But deep down inside, YOU DO want to quit. Don't you? If you think, "Yes. I really do want to quit," then that is really the inner voice of YOU. These two voices argue endlessly, and the other "you," your addictive Voice, has been getting its way. Thats why you drink against your better judgment. The addictive Voice is the only reason you drink. No you are not crazy - it's just the addictive voice. Around here we call it the booze beast!! And dolphin is right on ... DON'T LISTEN TO "IT" .

So - the long and the short of it is that you are addicted to alcohol and YOU can stop! You are here at the right time - join in, read, post and start living an Alcohol Free life!!

169 days AFree !!

[boozehag]

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G'night dolphin. I can take over for you now while you have a few zzzz's.
Hi whitey - glad to hear you are going to give the program a go - its great if it can save the likes of me and Dolphin it can save anyone!! Right Dolphin?
One of the things I did to help myself get to 30 days AF was just to decide not buy any alcohol at all and even though I would previously have crawled over broken glass to get to the AL it was just one small thing (along with the rest of the program) that helped get me kick started. Now I dont even think about buying any.
Hope to see you joining us soon.
BH (no more)

[whitemarshmom]

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can I do this?

Can I do this? I shamefully admit, that not only do I drink, but my husband does too. Beer and wine flow here on a regular basis. My DH tends to dip into the harder stuff sometimes, but continues to be a wonderful father. Can I quit drinking or moderate myself? even though he drinks?

[boozehag]

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Course you can but it could make it a bit harder for you but lots of people have done it and are doing it. You got to focus on yourself and what you want to do. Any chance you can convince him to go AF 30 days with you. That seems to be the key for everyone starting out whether you want to remain AF or moderate longer term. You really need the 30 days in order to get some perspective about AL both physically and mentally. Have you downloaded the book and started getting the supplements together - the main thing is you need a PLAN and all the tools you can gather to help you. Some people like to wait until they have everything so they can give it their best shot. The support group is a major contributing factor but its not the only thing. Believe me I have 2.5 months now and it is so worth it. It is basically like winning the lottery once you get a handle on it.
BH (no more)

[livingfree]

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Nothing to be ashamed of WMM - it's life. My DH still drinks and I quit. I have noticed that he has cut down a great deal since his drinking buddy (me) stopped. Once in a while it bugs me to see a beer sitting on the counter - but I have gotten to the point where I am happy with the fact that I no longer drink - and he is also. It's just one of those things you may have to live with - and it is really about communicating things like ... don't leave open bottles of alcohol sitting unattended. Don't leave the empties sitting for me to have to move ... etc. etc.

I am 47 years old. I was at the point you are when I really first tried to quit. I was able to string together a few months AL Free - but once I started drinking again because I thought I had it licked - I bumped to the next level. I maybe could have been one of the lucky moderators if I would have gotten control back then. But now it's to late for that. I can never drink again. The choice is always about stopping right NOW - or "tomorrow". Tomorrow never seemed to come for me. But as someone who is almost 6 months Alcohol free - I am never going back to those days.

Love to you hon