kids are smart

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Hey Brandy and all,
Just got back from my psychiatrist appt. Had to 'fess up to him that I had been lying about my sobriety from April-Dec. (He wasn't very happy w/me, but I told him I did it because I knew his only answer was "got to AA"). I got home and talked to my son about it. We had a good talk about how I was doing better now, etc. He said "yah, ever since you've been doing your computer group you've been better". Pretty good observation, huh? Thank you all!!! Gina

[Guest]

kids are smart

kids are smart

Gina,
What did your psychiatrist say when you told him you did it because you knew he would only tell you to go to AA? I do sometimes go to AA because it is the ONLY thing in this area, and I like some of the things in some of the meetings, but I went to a meeting last night where a guy said something to the effect that the only thing that works was constantly working the steps and praying and going to meetings and I feel so greatful that I know that that is not true, and that in our lifetime, there will be many more breakthroughs! Your son is SO cool. Keep up the great work! What meds and sups are you taking?

Adria

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kids are smart

kids are smart

Thanks Adria,
I think he's pretty cool too! My doc and I didn't really get into it. He's really quiet, just a "med pusher". I could just tell he was annoyed that I lied to him. As I drove off, I thought of all the things I would have liked to have said, like "maybe this tells you you need to offer more options/suggestions to this disease. There are so many people out there like me who aren't getting the appropriate advice/support!". I did tell him about this site and the support I was getting here. He said, "just be careful!". He had never heard of topamax being offered for moderation and didn't think that sounded like a very good idea. He only has 3 patients on Campral, me being one of them. Not the most up to date kinda doc. Campral has worked really well for me. I am doing the All One and L glutamine. I toy with the idea about returning to AA every now and then because I did get some really good info there. But, too many bad memories are keeping me from returning. I do stay in contact w/ a couple people just for the face-to-face contact. Gina

[Guest]

kids are smart

kids are smart

Hi Gina,
I loved this post. I suppose when you think about your own childhood, (well this is true for me) I remember my parents thinking they were keeping stuff from me and it usually didnt work.. at least, I 'knew' when something was going wrong, even if it didnt have a name and even as an adult I can remember bad phases that they went through.. so its not surprising that switched on kids know what is going on... so good on you for being honest with them.. I think that is so powerful and refreshing for their life of learning ahead of them.

I've told my kids I'm not drinking wine anymore.. at first, I think they doubted it, but now they take it as a matter of fact, which is another great motivator for me. They know I type on this forum and I've told them its about helping me not to drink but its private for me.. that has meant they arent feeling left out if I'm sitting here dancing on the keyboard.. I dont think they have to read this stuff.. let them enjoy their childhood and their sober mum!!

Interestingly, I know that Monday is a new week for me and I've lost count of the weeks of sobriety.. I'm amased that this has happened to me, I know I could work it out, but it doesent seem to matter any more.

Life is good.
Brigid

[Guest]

kids are smart

Gina;

I think your plan is the best. I don't agree with the only support group being AA. Check this out, the second meeting I attended at AA suggested that your kids do know more than you think..I agree, but when it was suggested that I come home and sit with my 13 year old and say "Mom is an alcoholic", in my world and I stress "MY WORLD",

[Guest]

kids are smart

Gina;

I think your plan is best! The second time I attended AA it was suggested that I come home and sit with my 13 year old and tell him "mom is an alcoholic". I was PISSED OFF for the rest of the meeting. I know my son knew something was going on when he came home from school and didn't see me sipping on Heiniken..We did talk, but the only thing I felt it was necessary to do was to ask him how he felt about not seeing me drink beer. He asked if I was o.k., and I told him that drinking beer was making me sick, and he asked if I will get better, I responded with, yes as long as I don't put any beer in my system.

On the saturday before my B'day, I told you I brought a bottle of Nando, I drank 3 glasses and dumped the rest. When my son saw the empty bottle in the sink, he asked if I had drank the whole bottle? I told him no, it made my stomache upset so I dumped the rest. It showed me is loves and cares deeply about me and my well being. But to leave it at that is the best way for me and my life style...I have learned since starting this journey of recovery to listen to suggestions, but block out the BS that does not work for me and my lifestyle.

I meant to ask you, your are an RN right? Well my path right now is I completed my Nursing Assistant classes and like I posted before, my internship is being held up because Ruebella blood work was not ordered when my doctor did my physical 6/05..This morn I'm going to the lab to get the bloodwork done, then next week my doctor will get the results and complete the forms, so I can get registered at school for internship program...

What my question is, is after this I'm going to be working back at the hospital in a clinical setting, and then signing up for EKG classes,after income tax return comes in. If I did start the program with the All in one or other vitamins (i already take 4 different vitamins everyday) would any of the ingrediants complicate or jepordize my metabolism?

Also, I know I have to take a urine test like I did when I was hired at the hospital for Human Resources Secretary, taking certain vitamins might raise questions?

PS..Too bad that you, Marcie, Tammie, Kathy, Jane, Marie, Nina and the rest of us don't live near each other, we would be meeting every weekend for a GIRLS NIGHT OUT (ALCOHOL FREE OF COURSE!)..Wouldn't that be AWESOME!

lol
Brandy

[Guest]

kids are smart

meds,vitamins,supps OH MY!

Brandy,
I'm just about out the door to go to work, but wanted to jot a quick note. don't worry about vitamins/supps affecting your tests! They are looking for controlled substances (DRUGS!). They will think you are an extremely health conscientious person when they see how yellow your urine is (the vitamins!). I was taking Xanax when I hired on at my current job. I disclosed that info. It wasn't an issue at all, surprisingly enough. gina

[Guest]

kids are smart

Brigid:

DITTO!!!

That was the point I was trying to make in my post to Gina. AA is a very long standing strong support group that has helped many in recovery, BUT IT WAS NOT FOR ME!! In my opinion every person in recovery that has children, you have to be careful and also be strategic in how you appoach them when discussing or more so confirming some of the issues they may notice, feel etc.

I agree trying not to burden our children. Or better yet, we know we have to include them (which I have done) as little as possible. they need to deal with kid stuff, not a whole lot of ADULT STUFF...

Brandy

[Guest]

kids are smart

Re: Kids Are Smart

Ladies, I'm going to do some journalling to learn how to leave the crap behind, then if I ever get asked to "speak" at a meeting, let the person read it and ask if they really want me to speak, cause I'm going to be honest, not just spout AA axioms, lol; (actually I probably wouldn't do that. But when I was thinking about doing my life this morning, and I know that I've had more relapses than some of the 30 year wonders that were bragging in the AA meeting that bothered me so the other night - well I know that some of those men have never seen their kids since they were small - and certainly never worked two jobs to pay for braces - maybe their kids hate them; I keep getting told to pray, make my sobriety a priority, and things will "work out" - yeah, tell that to Holocaust victims, I bet they prayed plenty, It's not that I don't believe in God - I just don't see him handing me my paycheck. I suppose I've jeopardized my sobriety a few times by working two jobs so my son could have opportunities like swim team, music lessons, karate, skating lessons, violins, violas, tons of books, sports, you name it, but now that he's acing test scores and has every chance of getting a scholarship to college, there's not one thing I would change. And he's not drinking, drugging, or getting into trouble, or even having sex with his girlfriend. They're writing a novel back and forth on the computer via the internet at night! Well, I wish I could have done it without jeopardizing my sobriety but when I tried AA I was told I had to go to tons of meetings, and other single moms didn't even have their kids in one single sport like the $11.00 city swim team because the meetings didn't allow them the time. So I'm not sorry. Despite occaisional lapses into drinking, my son tells me I gave him such a happy childhood he didn't realize that real life wasn't like that until he went to live with his dad. Now that he's older and that I have found this board and some real medical help and you guys, I can make sobriety a real priority in my life. Sorry, I seem to have years of pent of venting to do - because when I reached out for help I found it sadly lacking. What about single mothers on welfare with six kids and no transport who are told to go to meetings? One of those articles mentioned that one real problem is that now that we one the way to some real solutions, the money for the research is rapidly drying up. That's really, really scary. Especially when one thinks about how many innocent people are killed by drunk drivers ever year! Well, better go to work and stop venting! Ladies, I'll try to start putting some of this to pencil and paper instead of continuing bending your ears.

Adria

[Guest]

kids are smart

kids are smart

I appreciate this thoughtful post. I am truly interested in seeing what my daughter has to say about my drinking when she is in her 20's. The only real indication that my drinking has bothered her now is that she is very anti-drinking anti drug (I hope that she keeps that up!). When she was around 9 or so though, she did draw some pictures with wine glasses in them, although the rest of the content of the pictures wasn't scary. It scared me though made me try to conceal my drinking from her more (like after she went to bed and stuff) and the glasses disappeared from her pictures. Heaven forbid I should try to stop drinking, however!:

I've tried to be a good mom despite my drinking, being there for her emotionally, supporting her activities, proud and encouraging. But I think she has probably protected me from any stronger feelings she might have, at least for now.

Growing up in my family, my dad, who drank, was the fun one, and my mom, who rarely drank, was more difficult and definitely a more angry person. I always knew there were problems in my family, but they weren't about alcohol. I always associated alcohol with fun and good times. I think that's part of why it took so long and felt like such a loss to realize that I really needed to change my relationship with alcohol. I felt like I would never have any fun anymore. It is nice to learn that that is not the case!

Anyway, it's nice to imagine a sober girl's night out with all of you! We'd make a good crew! I agree with not sitting our kids down and telling them we're alcoholics. The first rule of childrearing is telling them as much as they're ready and able to hear, and the child is the one who will give you the clues on that. Something much more simple will suffice, I think. I have told my daughter that I was drinking more than I felt comfortable with and wanted to really change how I treated alcohol. She asked me a few questions about what I wanted to do, how much I saw myself drinking, a little bit about the tapes, and that was that. (She's 16, and naturally wanted to know more than say, a 9 year old). Also she's not quite as anxious as a 9 year old would be.

As usual, I've written a book, rather than a post. You guys are so good to put up with me!

Have a great day!

Cyber hugs!
Kathy

[Guest]

kids are smart

Hey Everyone
This is a great thread. I agree with so much of what has been written here. I've done the AA route, some of which has helped, some of which hasn't. I found it completely impossible to do the 90 meetings in 90 days. I mean as a mother of two young sons - 12 and 6, I personally can't find the time to duck out every day for 3 months. Sometimes the people in the rooms get militant about it. I know it's for a good reason, but how can I spend that time on my sobriety when I am feeling so guilty about taking that time away from my kids? My therapist INSISTS I get back to AA, and I do get to a meeting once in a while, but to make that total commitment just isn't for me. I much prefer this site!
I also agree with not burdening our kids. I couldn't imagine sitting my kids down and telling them that Mommy is an alcoholic. What the heck would they do with that information?? All I can do is try to get well and be the best Mom I can be.
I too wish we lived close to one another. Getting out together would be great! Guess we have to settle for staying in and being together on the computer - at least we all have that to be thankful for!
Marie

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kids are smart

re: kids are smart

Hey guys - just got back from my psych appointment. It was my first one with her. The bad thing was she wouldn't prescribe Topa - yet. The good thing was she upped my Zoloft . I was 100 mgs., now am at 150. And she told me I have to go to counseling because basically I come from a very dysfunctional family and I still haven't come to grips with a lot of stuff. I told her about MYO and she had heard of it. Said it was fine for me to forgo the AA meetings and do this program. Yea! I see her in three weeks again at which time we will "address the Topamax issue".

I too would love to be able to get together with all of you. I feel like I've known some of you for a lot longer than a few weeks :lol I don't know - maybe we can plan a trip down under to visit our Austrailian friends. I've always wanted to go there........

Jane.

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kids are smart

Re: re: kids are smart

Hey guys - I need to vent for a minute.....
Today was a good day and a bad day. Good because I overcame a HUGE fear. Bad because I wanted to celebrate that by having a drink (or 6), which I haven't....
I will elaborate. I own three horses which I board at a barn. In March, my son's horse threw me and shattered my shoulder. I was laid up for months. Pain is not the word. Since I healed, I have been back on my own horse, but in October, I had a delayed reaction and stopped riding - the fear hit. Today, I was able to overcome the fear and got back on my horse - what a feeling! I got home and no one was here. Wow, did I want a drink to celebrate! It wasn't so much a physical urge, but an emotional one. Thankfully, there's no alcohol in the house and the kids are due home so I am pacing and reading the boards to keep myself busy hoping this horrible feeling passes.
Thanks for being here, pray I stay sober today. I so want to get past this and STAY SOBER! It would be great to keep this a day I can remember!
Thanks for letting me vent, and thanks for being here for me!
Marie

[Guest]

kids are smart

A Prayer for Marie

Hey Marie,

You did a terrific thing by getting back up on your horse. What courage that must have taken! You have my prayers that you won't celebrate by drinking and will instead think of another way to congratulate yourself and pamper yourself for your accomplishment. I pray that you will honor yourself and your wonderful body by giving yourself the care you deserve. I know that your children will be really proud of you. By now, your urge has probably passed. I sure hope so. Stay strong. You won't regret it!

Lots of love!
Kathy

[Guest]

kids are smart

Re: A Prayer for Marie

Hey Kathy

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement - it's 5:40pm here and I am getting ready to go out to dinner with the women in my family - which is a good thing cause I don't drink in front of people (sounds strange I know). The craving DID pass and I am sober YAAAY! My son came home from school and when I told him I rode, he gave me a big hug and said "way to go Mom". I could cry. Big accomplishment under my belt - both riding and staying sober. Gonna put this one in the book! I appreciate you being here for me.

Much love
Marie