HELP

[ASH]

Hi everyone - I am new and on the verge of tears - just found this site this morning after desperately searching for some insite and help. I've been drinking for about 20 years, the last 10 pretty heavily - hiding from life and pain. It's been swept under the rug for years but I've hit bottom within the past 6 months. I've done many stupid, irrational things while drinking and my husband, while at his wits end, is standing by me. My parents (I have a wonderful relationship with them) are terrified and have taken a tough love approach (long distance) and are threatening to somehow have me committed or this will all damage our relationship. I am a successful professional woman with two adorable young boys and my life has it rock bottom. I started a great new job 6 months ago and can't leave for inpatient treatment or I'll lose my job. I have an emergency appt with a psyciatrist tonight (my husband insists as do my parents insist that he be there) - I am so confused and sad - how can I be sad that my "old" life will be taken away from me? It has destroyed me and almost destroyed my family and yet the thought of not being able to have a glass of red wine after work (and through the evening) is almost too much to handle? I know its crazy but there is nothing rational about me right now. Part of me wants to stop but part of me is so terrified of change and of feeling even more miserable than I do right now! I only drink after 6:00 pm and that seems to be the only way I can relax. I'm on antidepressants too so mixing alcohol and the drugs is a bad thing for sure. I need support so badly - help!

[JMT]

HELP

Oh Ash,
I know so many of us will read what you've written and can more than relate, you are not alone. I wish we were bonding over something more positive but at least we have eachother here to listen, relate, understand and most importantly to not judge. I to have an amazing husband that has stuck to me like glue through the he## I've created for us and he's my biggest cheerleader but even he is starting to get tired. This is a GREAT site, ALOT of positive input and help, so glad you are here, it's a step!!

[JMT]

HELP

Oh also, if you got to "Newbies unite" on the board, there are a few of us beginners.. :0) ALOT of good support there most of us just starting out!

[Time2fly]

HELP

Ash, you have definitely come to the right place! Firstly welcome, secondly whatever you write here, say here, remember you are saying to people who are in the same boat, people who are going through the same thing, who have been through the same thing or worse things. All i can say to you is that I joined the site in April pretty much feeling like you and I now feel like I can see the wood for the trees for once. I can see clearly for once. I'm not saying its going to be easy but this sites given me the tools to do it. The anti-depressants and the alcohol just pull you down until you cant see clearly at all.

[Time2fly]

HELP

The support you get here is overwhelming. It reduced me to tears and still does. That people are prepared to give their time and experience and share their deepest demons with a total stranger is amazing especially concerning something like this whereby I bet you're like me where our friends wouldnt have a clue that we have a "problem". I would suggest that you download the book, get the supplements asap and go on topomax (if you are prepared to go on it). I was on anti-depressants as well so thought what the hell if it could help then I was prepared to take it.

[gelgit]

HELP

Many blessings Ash, you've found the best place for help and guidance here. My 2 cents worth of advice is that you post everything that your professionals tell you to take and to do here. Run it by the "gang" and ask for their opinions. It's like being able to have the most naked conversation with your most inner self without fear or shame. It sounds like you have a wonderful and caring family, but, first of all, you have to love yourself!! Hang in their, g. xxx

[Time2fly]

HELP

My situation is so so with yours. When I started here in April I did 36 days of no alcohol. Once I had broken the habit I found it quite easy. The 1st week was very difficult and I was as nasty as hell but after that I became slightly more pleasant. I did slip when we went to a dinner party and had wine on the 6th June and its taken me until yesterday to get back off the booze. So today is Day 2 of no booze but going ok (have up'd the topomaz to 200mg) so minimal cravings but with the 1st slip have learnt that I obviously cannot do moderate drinking at this stage. Its too early. Anyway, the bottom line is that you've come to the right place, you'll get loads of support and we are all going through the same struggle. Be strong. You can do it for yourself and for your family. We are all here for you if you need us whenever. Big hug x

[4theboyz]

HELP

Ash,

4 months ago I was exactly where you are now. I had the same fears and the fear of the changes you are facing can be stifling. You are fortunate to have the "support" of your husband and try not to let your parents pressure add to your fears. Focus on what you are "needing" to do here. Discuss this with the psychiatrist and I would strongly suggest talking to your Physician as well.

There is nothing really to be afraid of as you will be amazed at how much better your life will become when you let go of this addiction to alcohol. Yes, you will go through a bit of a roller coaster ride as you plow through the first few days, but you will live through it. In reality your life will be much the same AF as it is now only you won't be drinking booze, you won't be so sad, you won't be as angry, you'll be less tired, you'll look and feel better and maybe loose a few pounds in the process. Not such a bad deal in my book.

Be strong, be brave and keep on posting here! Good luck!

4tb

[renewal]

HELP

Hi Ash....and welcome. I know things are overwhelming for you right now...but you are here...for a reason! Cuddles mentioned a new thread I started yesterday (Newbies Unite)....I hope you'll stop by and read through it. While it just started yesterday, you will see the reaction and participation has been inspiring. Your timing is perfect and I hope you'll join with us as we battle this TOGETHER....ya gotta start somewhere....and you made a wonderful choice.
Renewal

[gabby1go]

HELP

Ash,

You story sounds much like mine. You can change. Try to have an open mind tonite and listen to what your doctor says. I know I didn't like it and didn't want to change. I didn't realize at the time that I was suffering from serious withdrawls and was somewhat "out of my mind" at the time. All you can do is try. You will feel better and get your life back. Try to go 30 days AF. If you can get sober for an extended period of time you will think more clearly and maybe that glass/bottle of red wine won't seem the same. I don't have much more advice than that because I still struggle but I know I see my life in a different way now that I am sober.

Stay in touch on the boards. We are here to help and are your friends. This is the best support group around and everyone understands. Let us know how it goes tonite. You can do this! Gabby.

[Red-Wine]

HELP

Ash, don't be scared - I was exactly where you are at the end of last month. I had an abdominal scan done for something completely different, and it showed that my liver was enlarged - when the bloodwork results came back - I was horrified that red wine and I were going to have to part company - it's almost as though it has been part of every good and bad thing in my life for the past 30 years.

I would suggest that you see your Doctor for medication, mine was great, gave me valium to take the edge off, a liver tablet, and loads of VitB - After I'd drunk all the wine in the house, I sat here and thought "that's it pal" - the first 3 days, I had a bit of withdrawal, so slept a lot, and things got better from there. I found this site, and I am now 22 days AF - believe me - if I can do it, you can too.
Everyone here will help you.
love,
Mary

[brittzak]

HELP

Ash, we are two peas in a pod. I too am a professional woman, great job, two wonderful children....I am even going to Lenair to kick this. Yet, it scares me shitless to think I am leaving AL behind. But, if i don't it is going to kill me.

[ASH]

HELP

wow - one day on this site and it's really helping me - what is Lenair? I just came back from my psychiatrist - he was PISSED that I told him lies about how much I was consuming - I couldn't tell anyone until my husband outed me! Everyone is mad at me - my parents (who I get along so well with), my husband because I did some really bad stuff while drunk and I am so hard on myself, always have been , I feel like a piece of dirt - I really don't feel worthy of anyone's love right now - and I'm not feeling it from anyone. This is probably the hardest day I've had - I don't know what to do next - it's almost 8:00 pm, my entire world is crashing in and I know I won't be able to sleep ....

[JMT]

HELP

ASH;349889 wrote: wow - one day on this site and it's really helping me - what is Lenair? I just came back from my psychiatrist - he was PISSED that I told him lies about how much I was consuming - I couldn't tell anyone until my husband outed me! Everyone is mad at me - my parents (who I get along so well with), my husband because I did some really bad stuff while drunk and I am so hard on myself, always have been , I feel like a piece of dirt - I really don't feel worthy of anyone's love right now - and I'm not feeling it from anyone. This is probably the hardest day I've had - I don't know what to do next - it's almost 8:00 pm, my entire world is crashing in and I know I won't be able to sleep ....

{{{{{{ASH}}}}}} virtual hugs....:l It's going to be ok if it were easy none of us would be here right? You took the first step and I know for me it was my hardest, finally having to fess up EVERYTHING. I was lying to everyone and even myself, I'm feeling pretty low tonight to. Remember you are NOT alone in this, I feel pretty alone right now, so I'm going to go read hopefully that will help. Please know we are here for you!!:l

[toughintexas]

HELP

Ash, soooo many of us are professional women that are hard on ourselves, probably gets us into trouble in the first place! You are very lucky, as I am, that our spouses have taken our alcoholic outbursts, and are still standing beside us, many don't have that perk so to speak! As for your parents, just know that they love you, and are just worried about you, and probably really don't know what to do, so stick with your Dr's and your hubby on this, and worry about your immediate family, and getting better for them...First of all, you have to get better for YOU! You are worth it, you are great just the way God made you, he's not finished with you yet, so there! Get off your own back, my hubby says the samething to me, "you are harder on yourself, than we are", but we feel so crappy for what we've done under the influence, and feel so crappy for doing it over and over again....we can control our careers, and lots of other things we set our minds to, but not this! It's ok, it's a disease, nobody would harp on you if you had diabetes that was out of control, or any other inhertiable condition! It's something you need help with, to control and handle...that's it. You will be able to relax with a new awesome San Pellingrino with fresh lime, or a new Tazo Wild Spice Orange tea, put it in a wine glass, it's mostly a habit....don't think of it as Not Drinking, think of it as being a non-drinker...you'll feel so much better waking up not worrying about what you did, didn't do, said, didn't say, and with such energy after a few days, that you'll love it...its not easy, and we've all started down this road, and hit many speed bumps, and slips, but you will make it down this road to recovery, and be soooo much better for it, ditto your relationships and health! Stay here, keep posting, reading, and go to chat....Just change your habits at 6pm, go to the gym, go for a walk, make the tea, get the sparkling waters on the way home, take a class, do anything "different" to break the witching hour....it seems impossible now, but you'll get the hang of it! You'll also feel soooo much more positive about yourself for accomplishing a new goal that it'll get easier! Take the supplements recommended, do the Rx's if needed, download the book and read it! We could all have written your post, trust us! We are here for you!