I think Kathy suggested in a post to start a thread addressing this issue. I'm doing well for the most part, but do feel hypersensitive lately. Whether it be to loud noises, loud children, annoying husband, hurt feelings, I sometimes just want to curl up and a ball and shut off the world. I know I need to learn some new coping skills if I want to succeed. Maybe I should try the cd's again. I don't know, it scares me that I treasure my days off by myself and dread when the whole family is here. I've been scheduling myself on weekends purposely so I don't have to deal. Guess I need to start looking squarely at what's at the root of this. Isolating leads me to bad places. Gina
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dealing with feelings again
feelin what?
I can totally relate to the mixed emotions... And I haven't even started the meds yet. That's kinda scarey! Maybe it's just PMS... or all this rain. We've had 1 day in the past 2 wks, that didn't rain. Makes it easier to go to work (I'm a finish painter,& can kinda set my own hours). When the weather's nice out I'm chompin @ the bit to be on the beach, or on the river in my kayak. Right now the river's totally blown out & @ flood stage, from the rain. So, good time to log in hrs @ work. The past week my emotions have run the gammet, hurt, angry,loving,hating(almost), relief, mistrust, feels like there's a pinball between my heart & my head! But I relly enjoy my time alone. My Folks just left a few days ago for AZ., & they have a huge hot tub that needs my company! It's nice ( especially after painting ceilings for days), I went out & soaked & did a little "water workout " last night. I think my intention was to be MIA from my husband... but I ended up really enjoying myself anyway... How silly! Hugs G'day< Judie -
dealing with feelings again
body mind soul
beer filled my belly when it was gnawing or only a little hungry. like mini balloons of joy those bubbles filled me up.
beer liquidated my worries, put my mind at rest, put it far from any snags in my threads of thought.
beer numbed my soul, made me forget past pains.
without it, i FEEL again. sure, i felt before, but not as deeply, not as often, not for extended periods. i feel like i'm in a new relationship with myself. i'm cool, i like me. i can deal with this.
but boy i tell ya, those dreams, the morning ones especially. they've got me doing flip flops -literally. last night i was flying. a roof was there for me to land on, and i found it was harder to get to the ground from the roof. would've preferred no landing pad, would've preferred to go straight from the sky to the ground. perhaps a metaphor for 'going straight'? i like it better this way, so much better! day 5!
i ran into my ex therapist in the food coop today. it was so nice not to feel chagrined, embarrassed just knowing that i hadn't kept up my good work not drinking. t'was soo good to say hello with no hangover! no guilt, no shame!
xoxo thanks all for being there!
-OnocleaComment
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dealing with feelings again
Re: body mind soul
Wow, that was great (all the opening up)...I hope I can get to that point some day and soon...
I know that I just have to say good bye to my beer first! I have the book, supps and cd's...still waiting on the all one and topa! My hubby just wants me to start, I do also... but I know with my personality and additive ways it has to be all or nothing, plus I have to say good bye to my beer forever, (my very best friend) no moderation for me on that part; maybe wine (which is not my choice of drink) after 8-12 months off, but once I stop drinking and start this program it will be NO more beer ever! (God I hate this part, but I know me, and have tried moderation before on beer, not good for me) why can't I be like my hubby or others!
Sorry, I guess it was just my time to vent.
Thanks for listening.
Love, wishes, hugs and prayers to all,
TammieComment
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dealing with feelings again
feelin like...
Hey Tammie, I wish I could be like my hubby too,(and those "Normies"). My honey's about a foot taller & 6 yrs younger...But I can drink him under the table, & still want more. He'll come home from work, have a couple of beers, get sleepy, and go to bed. If I have a couple, it "tastes like more"...How can one little gal get so thirsty? Hope my Kudzu arrives soon, I'm thinking of maybe trying the Topa , I hear it's used for migraines, and I get them sometimes, kind of feels like one coming on . Hopefully it's just from painting, & will go away w/some fresh air & relaxing.Comment
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dealing with feelings again
Re: feelin like...
Yes St Jude, I hear you,
My hubby weights 100 more lbs than me and is 10" taller...I can still out drink him...as long as we start at the same time ( I'm sorry to say I would usually start earlier)
I have stopped before for a few weeks and have been thinking and getting this program going for a month now...Hubby gave me book for x-mas...
Wow, all the emotions going though my head. I have been a heavy drinker for, gosh hate to say the truth, going on 20 years....
I have tried AA...short term, not my style... So now I want to stop for me! ttfme = This Time For Me!
Now that the time is here, I am scared....I know I can do it...
but only when I am ready, Heart, Soul, Mind....I am almost there....
Good luck and God Bless,
TammieComment
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dealing with feelings again
dealing with feelings
It has been so long since I have dealt with my feelings in any organized way. So long, in a way, since I have had other people with whom to share my feelings and get support and understanding. Alcohol has been my support, the calm in the center of the storm, felt like the arms that soothed me, made my troubles seem smaller. I was lucky that alcohol didn't become a bigger problem in my life than it did, although it probably got in the way of my working through my problems with healing and trust sooner. I could so totally relate to Carolyn Knapps' Drinking: A Love Story, except that my family was a boiling cauldron compared to hers, where everything was hidden. In both of our families, though, feelings weren't dealt with productively. And now I find myself having to learn to trust again, deal with old hurts that haven't yet healed, find friends to provide companionship instead of wine, find activities to provide stimulation instead of wine, take a warm bath to soothe anxiety instead of wine. It's a lot. The biggest feeling I have to deal with is lonliness. Back in 1994, 10 months after my father died, my then husband and I separated, leaving me with a 4 year old daughter, and my best friend fell in love and no longer had time for me. (Makes me question my choices in husbands and friends...
) That's when my drinking went into a complete downward spiral--I was so angry and hurt. And completely overwhelmed with raising my daughter all by myself. My ex went overseas, and was unreliable about contact and $$$$. I feel like I'm just emerging from a cocoon of the last 15 years. (Obviously, the marriage hadn't been real happy for several years, or there wouldn't have been a divorce!)
Anyway, I know this is kind of a depressing post, but we don't usually get into trouble with drinking because we're such happy campers! I don't mean to make it sound like I have no friends, because I do, but a lot of them are married, and I'm having more free time to make friends and do stuff than I have in the past. I'm looking foward to the future, despite having to struggle some, day to day. It's all part of getting where I need to go.
Also, since my daughter got her license on Friday, I've hardly seen her! Obviously, time to work on getting a life!:rolleyes
Hugs to all!
KathyComment
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dealing with feelings again
dealin' & feelin'
Hi Kathy, It seems like w/all of the people on this planet, it would be easier to find good friends...I feel closer to a lot of the folks on these posts than I do a lot of people I know face to face. Guess I'm a bit of a recluse...especially when not drinking ( amazing how many "friends" you have or meet when you're out in the bar!!) Sadly when it comes down to it, there's not that many that will really be there for ya, when you need. To quote one of my best friends ..."Thanks God for my friends, for without them life would be all ends"... Funny her name is Kathy! You've got friends here girl. Keep that in your mind & heart. Hugs, JudieComment
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dealing with feelings again
dealin' and feelin'
Thanks Judie,
I know what you mean. It's hard finding true friends, and you may only have a few in a lifetime, if that. But the people on the forum have been very responsive and supportive.
Thanks for your support. It means a lot!
KathyComment
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dealing with feelings again
feelin it
I feel like I'm on the "pity pot" today. That headache I mentioned earlier yesterday is still w/me. I woke up @4 AM w/it pounding. Dammit. I've got so much work to do @ the Lodge where I've been working, but my head pounds when I bend over & thought of paint smell isn't very appealing. So I'm feeling frustrated & useless today. Whah.... Maybe a lobotamy is in order! Feel like gettin drunk, maybe my head would feel better...Probably not tho. Peace & prayers JudieComment
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dealing with feelings again
Gina;
Every time you post, it seems like I just told you how I had been feeling!! Maybe all of us are really more connected more than we are aware of. Besides my recent 3 glasses of champange for my B'Day, I noticed everything bothers me....
1. The cat's meowing
2. The way my husband calls my name
3. Having to help with homework
4. Even phone calls from close friends and family
5. Received a B'Day card from inlaws, never called to say thanks, didn't want the conversation.
6. My neighbor just brought the house next door, she asked what days are regular vs. recycle days, I made up some B.S.
Hope she watches and figure it out!
I'm going through changes with my school clearing my physical so that I can register for my internship, that isn't helping...
What now?
Run away...Stay and make everybody around me miserable?
I am ready to try anything to help with me being so ULTRA SENSITIVE to everyday situations, noises etc.
Brandy
Hot baths and happy music isn't helping!Comment
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dealing with feelings again
Hang in there Brandy! Your are doing great.
I know the "crumpy", cry stage is awful.
But just remember "This to shall pass"... I know you aren't doing the whole program but the "All one" might help or atleast a good multi. vit., If you aren't already taking one.
Otherwise go ahead and give in to it and let go...(crying, ranting....)My hubby says he would rather have me cranky than drunk! He hasn't seen the worst of me yet! Look out...lol
Also try a good comedy movie or tv program... Laughing always helps!
Hugs, TammieComment
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dealing with feelings again
You guys hit the nail on the head. I am extremely hypersensitive now. Everytime my son says, "Mom!" I'm like, "Go away" - in my head, not out loud. The daytime is so much better when it's quiet and I can just do my thing. Once the kids get home it's chaos. I feel bad for my husband. I haven't given him the time of day in a week. And we have this party on Saturday that I don't want to go to because everyone will be drinking and I don't want to be tempted but if I don't go everyone will be like, "where's Jane?" And if I don't go I'll feel bad for my husband because I know he wants to go and won't want to go without me. Why is this so complicated. Why can't I just have one or two glasses of wine and stop? It's crazy. It seems like almost everyone else can do that. Are my genetics just that messed up? I gotta get these supps and Topamax soon. Things are starting to get crazy. Thank goodness it was sunny today. It's been four straight days of dreariness here. Doesn't do much for the mood.:rolleyesComment
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dealing with feelings again
I hear you Jane!
I feel bad for my Hubby also! He won't drink any more when I am around because he knows....Shoot, we were out last Saturday:Bowling league, small town just moved here, wanted to meet other couples....lol it is a blast! Anyway...I said all "my ducks aren't lined up" I will have a beer.., he said okay but he would stick with pop. We use to live it up with these people. I can not wait until I can say; no, I'll just have a coke, but you go ahead....
Why can I not just have 2-3, why do I always have to drink until I ....you know the routine! Atleast lately I have stopped before, my normal, gosh....12 to 15 beers!
I hope all my duck line up soon! PS...Amazon.com is taking forever....IE The Vitamin Shoppe!
Hagn all,
TammieComment
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dealing with feelings again
Hey Tammie - I don't know whether to go and test my resolve or stay home and "be safe". I really want to be able to go to my psychiatrist appointment on next Friday and tell her I haven't had a drink since January 4th. But I'm also curious to see if I can handle being at this party with a lot of my really close friends. We are definitely a drinking neighborhood and we all drink about the same.....I just don't know when to stop and my husband has to prop me in a corner or sit me in a chair because with the wine I just fall asleep. If I could just stick to beer. But it's so filling. And I KNOW I don't want to start with the vodka, etc. That would be the death of me.
It's so embarrassing. How I would love to show these people that I can drink responsibly. But can I? AARRRGGHHHHH. I don't know what to do.
Thanks for letting me know I am not alone....
Jane.Comment
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