ODAT - Saturday

[Bessie]

Morning all!

I am of the opinion that the only way to be AF is to be selfish. I am SUCH a helpful accommodating, friendly person and just go along with what everyone else does. ENOUGH! Looking back, doing that so often leads to drinking, either because that is what everyone else is doing or cos it puts me in the path of temptation or because the stress of trying to be a combination of the Domestic Goddess and Miss Goody Two Shoes and making sure everyone likes me sends me to the bottle. My sobriety is struggling cos of the weight of trying to do things I don't want to do.

Who is number one here? Me! Not necessarily on this thread but in my life. Actually, on this thread as well!! I'm going back to being ODAT Queen Bessie!

What's brought this on? Dunno really, just a realisation that the universe won't implode if I say "NO" to people and put me first. Shit. I'm 40 something and it's taken me this long to work it out!! :H:H

Just opened the diary to see that we are meant to be going to a beer festival tonight. WTF?!! I don't even drink beer and this is real ale - the stuff that looks like my horse's piss and smells of mouldy carrots. So why am I going to a beer festival? Do I want to go? NO. I will spend all day today working on the holiday cottage - cleaning, changing beds etc etc etc. So I would like to do something for me on my evening. Not go and not drink beer and watch others drinking beer. And maybe end up drink cheap shitty wine and wake up with a cheap shitty hangover. And be in bed late and be knackered tomorrow. They will have just as good a time without me and I will go to bed at 9.30 and sleep like a baby and bounce out of bed at 6.30 tomorrow and do what I want to do.

I'll let you know tomorrow if my new found bolshiness survives the day!! :H:H:H

Have a great ODAT Saturday everyone. And remember just Say NO!!!

Bessie xxx

[Evie.Lou]

ODAT - Saturday

Dear Bessie,You sumed up my problem in a nutshell.I have been trying to fix everyone and everything for most of my life...Where did it get me????DRUNK...Let the world be Dammed.From now on,I COME FIRST...Thanks for reminding me...LOL..Evie

[time2change]

ODAT - Saturday

Good Morining
I know I don't post here often anymore, but I do read everyday. I just want to put my two cents in today. Bessie, this is so true. We must get selfish and put ourselves first.I think for people who are not used to doing that it is very difficult. Like Evie said, thanks for reminding me.

[JMT]

ODAT - Saturday

I'm SO glad you posted that. I'm only on day 4....though fragile feel VERY strong in my determination to beat this crap for once and all.
I am getting concerned though about an upcoming trip. My dear FIL died on May 16 of this year from ALS (horrible disease and he was only 52) Anyway, I hadn't been drinking but we went to AZ for two weeks where hubby's family are hardcore drinkers. Well, yeppers I was lit most of those 2 weeks, numbing the pain plus it was everywhere you look in the house. Stocked liquor cabinets times 2, 2 wet bars, wine cooler, they have it all. Anyway, we are going back out for a week to spread my FIL's ashes and we are taking my mom with us. Both my MIL and my Mom are drinkers, my Mom.....well she's a 3 botttle of cheap wine a night person but says she just likes the way it tastes.
Sorry, SO long story short, my mom questioned me earlier this week at our lunch why I didn't order a beer and got upset and said "No drinking in AZ?" I told her I don't care what they do I just won't partake in it, but I'm not going to lie, it's going to be a challenge. We leave a week from today but I see in your post it's ok to say "NO!" I HAVE to come first for a change, I'm sick of sitting at the back of the damn bus, I'm moving to the front, I have to for me and my husband and my daughter! Right?

[matthen]

ODAT - Saturday

Hi Bessie and all ONATimers

Just a short note to check in. I have bee so busy lately I have not stopped by to tell you that I am still AF and am probably up to 40 days or so. This is a miracle and I am thankful. Very thankful.

I am over at the Delaware coast (US) again and enjoying the morning with a cup of coffee and no hangover. Bessie, I like your resolve. I have to get over the same thing -- feeling an obligation to drink to please others.

I had a big discussion last night with one of my closest friends about my drinking. Was not pretty and I was feeling that he exaggerated it all too much, but I do have to be open to the possibility that he is telling it like it is. Ugh!!!!!!!!!

Btw just learned that I need a new hip which I am getting on Aug 11. Bizarre, I have a twin sister who lives in another state, and she was told that she needs a new hip only 2 weeks earlier. Maybe there really is something to this "twin thing".

I hope you all get your wishes and hope that we can stay dry ODAT> Love to all,

[noma'am]

ODAT - Saturday

ODAT. Sure wish it could be SMAT (six months at a time). Ah well. Happy sober Saturday everyone!

[retteacher]

ODAT - Saturday

Bessie: I too am way, way too caretaking of other people.
-I keep quiet when I should speak up.
-I hate confrontation.
-I do more than my share of work.
-I often do what I don't want to do & don't do what I do want to do.
-In short, I can be codependent.

As I've gotten sober, I've been trying to undo some of those old habits I listed above. It isn't easy, as I've been doing them for a long time. However, when I'm codependent, I find myself w/resentments which then lead me straight to the bottle.

Mary

[CS04]

ODAT - Saturday

Matthen, I was just thinking about you yesterday -- hadn't heard from you in a while. Glad you are doing well and still AF. Sorry to hear about the hip -- I suppose it's better than getting around in the middle of winter, though.

You may laugh at this -- for some reason when I first read your early posts several months back, I had thought you were 16 or 17 and posting/drinking underage! You sure wear it well.

[Bessie]

ODAT - Saturday

Well baby steps at saying NO! I did go to the Beer Festival but on the condition that I left when I was ready and he could come with me or get a lift with other friends. I did find myself coming up with all sorts of 'excuses' to others as to why I am not drinking and they did include the fact that I wanted an early night cos we were really busy etc etc. But they didn't include the phrase "Cos I don't want to. You have a problem with that?!" which was whistling round in my brain but not coming out of my mouth. But, no matter that I didn't quite manage the full on NO! thing, I didn't drink either. And it was easy not to. The resolve that I had to be selfish included not wanting a drink to protect my energy/sobriety and self esteem for tomorrow. ODAT - it has been a good one. Hope it has for you too.

Bessie xx

[gelgit]

ODAT - Saturday

Good for you, Bessie! We had a family party last night and I would of if'n I could of, but I couldn't and that was that. Amen. Today, our cars are packed with the most important, useful and valuable things fueled up and ready to roll. We have freak lightning storms and more than 80 fires smoldering all around us. The closest are a mile southwest and a mile northeast with not much but forest in between. Not a fire fighting plane in sight. We're praying that the winds don't come up. Since yesterday afternoon the sky has been filled with the strangest cloud formations I've ever seem. The different layers look just like a cross hatch grid that gradually spreads out into an overcast sky . Now we've got mare's tails, buttermilk, cumulus and everything else in the book layered and pushed up against each other. Positively weird!! The local radio station says more lightning tonight. The strikes were so deafening this morning that the dog peed himself! So, we're just waiting around. I have a headache like a hangover today... that's silly!! xxxx g.