my first post...

[psb69]

Hello everyone,

I have been looking at this site for a while now, and finally decided to make my first post...

To be clear, I am absolutely sick of ruining myself with drink. Just got back from 4 days in barcelona (got drunk all 4 days) culminating in getting hammered on the flight, annoying everyone and some bloke ended up in having a go at me telling me what a tw*t I was. And he was probably right, and feel very ashamed.

I'm not a violent drunk, I just act stupid and do things I probably wouldn't do, and chat up any women that comes anywhere near me. This is another problem of mine, chasing after women. Don't get me wrong, this does have it's highlights but then so does drinking. It's just the utter hopelessness/loneliness/depression I feel inside which brings me to drink.

My story goes like this: I binge drink every weekend without fail, rarely in the week but get drunk usually 3 times a week. I love the feeling of no hangovers, but I start to feel bored and my entire social life revolves around going out drinking. As a depressive, and being on anti depressants for years, I'm sure this is the worst thing you can do. I also suffer a lot of anxiety, especially with a hangover, I was crawling the walls yesterday in mental anguish. I am absolutely sick of this, I know it but I always forget how bad it is for me after a few days off drink in the week, then do it all over again.

I also used to do drugs like speed, ecstacy and coke, and I occasionally still do these things when someone has them and I am drunk, and cannot say no. The drink is the main problem though.

I have had nights when I have drove as to not drink, and it's just a totally different night. It doesn't help that I struggle to relax in company, though I do things like meditation and self hypnosis which helps. But you don't feel like doing it with a hangover, and it wouldn't work anyway.

I'm a strange mix of introvert and extrovert, and drink brings out the extrovert in me which I know I like.

So this is 1 day AF so far for me, I would love to think I could make 30 days as I feel I could give it up totally if I could do this. So many people know me as a drinker, and no one thinks I could give it up - I am quite honest about wanting to stop.

Giving up my circle friends would be very difficult, in addition to friends I have a lot of friends in my own company and I go out with them as well. If anything, I am more of a bad influence on people I know than them on me!

I think I already know what I need to do, stop drinking/smoking/drugs and do more meditation/hypnosis, but I fail every time. I can't even believe I am writing this, I must be at my wits end. I've got so many mental issues the drink isn't really the problem, but it exascerbates it, and so giving up drinking is merely the first thing I need to deal with.

I hope one day to do something to help people like me, male depressives with these kind of issues.

Anyway, I hope my feeling sorry for myself ramblings haven't bored anyone to tears...

Thanks for now.

[noma'am]

my first post...

Hi. I can relate to some of what you wrote. Binge drinking, drugs, being a bad influence on people and depression. I have become a bit of a "herion housewife" all fueled by alcohol. I quit drinking this past Friday so today is the start of my 4th day without alcohol. Getting through a weekend has really given me confidence and optimism that I sure wasn't feeling last Thursday. I remember everything I did and said and feel no shame at all. It's awesome. If you can get through the week without those 3 binges, you will see for yourself how wonderful you will feel. If you think about it, it's just three days you have to get through. Just three. You can do this. You can do this. You can do this.

[JMT]

my first post...

No not bored to tears but tears for you in that I can completely relate to everything you've said. I'm not a man so cannot relate to the chasing women part but can understand everything else you've said. I also suffer from depression but after years and years or drinking, sobering up, relapsing over and over again I think that my depression is self inflicted to do the alcohol. When I stay away from it, the depression lifts, I feel SO much better but I always end up sliding back but this time I'm determined not to. Everyone has a "different" personality that comes out when they drink, some more extroverted as yourself and myself, but I'm not a nice drunk, I get mean and depressed. I'm sick of living that way and with a young daughter she doesn't need to see it.
This is a great forum, everyone here has a story that we can all either agree that we are living parallel lives, or can relate to alot of what we go through. It helps to be able to come, bare your soul, get it out and hear that you are not alone. SO much good advice and support here, I'm day 6 AF and if I've gotten any urge to even think about drinking I come here and read, it helps ALOT! So, welcome friend, I hope you find as much compassion, support and caring as I have here.

[livingfree]

my first post...

Everyone has to have a starting point - and I think you have just found yours. Your willingness to share openly here what you are going through is a great start. I would suggest that you get RJ's book - read it cover to cover - start the supplements and exercise and meds if you choose. See a Dr. to help with W/D and for the nec. meds. You will soon find you like who you are sober and clean from all the drugs. I'll bet your personality is somewhere imbetween the introvert and extrovert if you'd just give yourself some time off of the altered personality drugs.

Best to you - read and post - There is a great thread just starting called Newbeies Unite that might help you find others going through the early stages of quitting - so you can relate to much of what you will be going through together. Good luck!

[Nia70]

my first post...

Hi PSB, Im on day 2, totally empathised with what you wrote above (although I gave up the drugs side of life in my early twenties) Alcohol is "legal" though isnt it? my philosophy was getting caned on alcohol was ok as no-one was going to arrest me for it.

I think I have damaged myself over the years far more through drink than any drug I could ever have taken. I wish you the best of luck from one newbie to another. Im slightly different in that I had to have a drink every single day, I used to envy people who didnt have to do this but I guess everyone's problem is individual.

The meds have really helped me the couple of days, I stocked up on loads of herbal teas and fruit juices, I have not really noticed a difference yet other than waking with no hangover this morning which was great.

I wish the strength and resolve to stay sober, best wishes.

[Red-Wine]

my first post...

Hi ! pbs - Welcome !

I was also on anti-depressants and my Dr. said that with alcohol in your system, they don't work.

I hope you stick around and give it a go - you CAN do this believe me -

Mary x

[psb69]

my first post...

Thanks everyone for the responses, thats very nice of you all.

It is definitely drink that is the problem, but as we know we do things when drunk that we wouldn't
normally do!

I have had periods of drinking every day, but I can usually stop that. The most I have gone in 13 years of drinking is about 13 AF days, and that was once. Pathetic.

It's not only the hangovers, it's the lethergy of just lying in bed or on the settee watching tv all day.

I saw not one bit of culture in Barcelona, just the inside of bars and clubs - which was amazing but I miss out on so much. I hardly ever do any different when I go away, drink to excess then sleep it off and do the same again.

And is being drunk actually enjoyable (never mind the hangover, we know that isn't)? Maybe the first few drinks, but it feels horrible after. I wish I could remember this more often, I even think it when im in that state. Smoke a million fags, eat rubbish food.

My favourite quotes are from Oscar Wilde, "Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative." And Modesty is fatal. Nothing succeeds like excess."

Not sure how I can get this kind of philosophy from my mind. I would hate to be be boring though, or seen as boring.

Its an adventure drinking, and this is one of the things I am worried about missing. I've met so many good people (and bad) through drink.

p.s.this is like i am drinking, talking about myself which I don't actually like until i am pi**ed!

[Nia70]

my first post...

Hi again psb

I have many clouded but all the real memories of the things I have done when drunk that still shame me to this day and some were years ago.

I know what you mean about the lethargy, others posters I have read here did exactly the same as me, passed on doing things when the weather was nice outside because they preferred to stay home and drink. Never had the "pleasure" of being able to lie in bed all day though as my daughters keep me relatively active (and normal appearing to the outside world)

I dont have any memories of actually enjoying being drunk, I hated being so out of control of myself. Waking up the next day, fog lifting slowly and all the stupid things I said or did slowly coming back to reality.

All my mates live a drinking culture too so I am planning on staying away from them for my 30 days, got a retirement party I have to go to on 5th July though so Im dreading that, will I be able to resist? I dont know? I will just try to keep a picture of me being a drunken embarrassing fool in the the foremost of my mind and hope I can wing it through.

I love Oscar Wilde too although I found him quite cynical about his fellow man at times, could be quite contemptuous of women too but I love his work.

[alchemy]

my first post...

How do I post my first post?

[hemlock]

my first post...

:welcome: Hi there!

"My story goes like this: I binge drink every weekend without fail, rarely in the week but get drunk usually 3 times a week. I love the feeling of no hangovers, but I start to feel bored and my entire social life revolves around going out drinking. As a depressive, and being on anti depressants for years, I'm sure this is the worst thing you can do. I also suffer a lot of anxiety, especially with a hangover, I was crawling the walls yesterday in mental anguish. I am absolutely sick of this, I know it but I always forget how bad it is for me after a few days off drink in the week, then do it all over again"

Boy do I know the feeling. That is how things work with me. I rarely drink during the week. I don't want to be hungover at work -but on the weekends I drink. Sometimes I can manage it - other times I absolutely can't stop myself and I look like a fool. The anxiety and guilt I feel the next day is just overwhelming.... but when the weekend rolls around I forgot how bad I felt at the start of the week and I do it all over again... .

[Lila]

my first post...

Hi PSB,
OMG!!! Barcelona!! Did you see the Gaudi buildings?? Sagrada Familia church? I was there 15 years ago.
This is a great site. I also really recommend Kelly's SJW site. I learned a lot, and am now on St Johns Wort and Rhodiola Rosea for my depression issues.
Lila

[caseaday]

my first post...

PSB69,

I have a question for you. What do you really want? It doesn't appear from your post that you have set a vision for what you want to become. It is apparent that you don't like where you are today but where do you want to go? What baggage beyond the booze do you want to lose? You can't sit in a dark bar or a dark home and think that your life is going to change just by cutting back or giving up AL completely. I can see how you could only become more depressed.

There are big exciting opportunities outside waiting for you. The people here will help you once you decide what you want to accomplish. Go for it!

[psb69]

my first post...

Hi Caseaday,

What do I want? The will to quit all these bad things I do, mainly drink and cigarettes.

2 day Af now, and no desire to drink whatsover. However, long term i'm already thinking that the thought of stopping for 30 days, with the plan to quit forever as I could never moderate, is like climbing everest.

I already know what needs to be done, but seriously weak inside. This weekend is looming...

[psb69]

my first post...

Lila;351909 wrote: Hi PSB,
OMG!!! Barcelona!! Did you see the Gaudi buildings?? Sagrada Familia church? I was there 15 years ago.
This is a great site. I also really recommend Kelly's SJW site. I learned a lot, and am now on St Johns Wort and Rhodiola Rosea for my depression issues.
Lila

Hi Lila,

No, all I saw was bars and clubs and beautiful women!!!

(

x

[cpn1004]

my first post...

Hi psb,
Yikes, I can relate. Drinking and chasing women have been a big part of my history. The women part has been under control for some years now, but I still have the urge and the fear of it returning. I have been married for over 30 years through all of this, yes I am blessed to have married an angel (evidently).
I went off anti-depressants in March but kept drinking. This weekend I decided to try the medication again without drinking...gee...what a concept? So this is only day 3 AF for me, but I feel great. Like many here I have been on this journey quite some time but am determined not to give up. You can make it with us.
Love and Peace,
Phil