alcoholics and victims

[jao]

alcoholics and victims

so very very similar to my situation thanks for sharing. I have so many questions if you are up to answering them? Do you actually think you would stop if he did leave? Are you getting help with your anxiety issues and if not why? What made you get on to this site? I have thought maybe if he could either read some of the comments from people in our situation or if he went to aa he might come to his realisation but he thinks the same as you do and your here ? If your husband has only just addmitted that he thinks you have a problem, is that a problem - would you have liked him to realise earlier? Has he been to Al ananon? Does he know you are on this site?

[jao]

alcoholics and victims

woops that last post was for dove

[jao]

alcoholics and victims

Hippie, I hear you too, I actually have only about 5% belief that he can moderate, I am hoping he will admit he cant control his drinking and give up altogether, get help that will then be effective and move on with his life. I don't think I have 6 months in me but will go with the flow. I only say this because I actually now know what I can deal with / how much I can take before I bust over into the angry / bitter side of which I am not going too. I have found me again. I have to keep trying till the 5% turns into 0%. I would prefer to leave loving him than hating him.
Peace

[dove]

alcoholics and victims

i am going to have to reply to you in a few days as i will be gone for a couple from here

you can pm me if you want: up by where it says welcome jao, you last visited.....(at the top right of the page) click on the words private messages and then on the left side of the page pick compose new message (or whatever it says that means that) and put dove in the recipient box and then type and send

talk in a few...stay strong and do what you have to...the others here are right, your child should come first in your decisions, you owe that to her for bringing her into the world....always stick by your decisions in these situations....remember that, with everything you know at a certain point in time, what you decide at that certain point in time was the only correct decision and don't look back....know that you are correct and don't look back...that is, if you are sober

dove

[louise]

alcoholics and victims

""I would prefer to leave loving him than hating him.

This sounds like a very wise plan. If you wait until you hate him he will then drink "because you are so ..." It sounds like when you had a child, you decided to become an adult. And it sounds like you got some good advice from friends and alanon. I wish you the best. I hope your husband comes to realize that the voice telling him he can moderate (by the way 4 drinks every night is not considered moderate by most drs.) is his addicted brain and not his rationale brain. Can you get him to a different counselor? I don't think much of one recommending 4 drinks per night, especially when that is not working.

P.S. Yes, addiction is very illogical. We have "thinking problems".

[jessie]

alcoholics and victims

As one of the addicted I myself cannot understand this insanity that drives me to drink. It is an obsession, a compulsion and a living hell. I want to change, but it seems stronger then me. I hope you can make a better life for yourself and kids, they deserve it.
I've been doing well but have slipped back again - with all the anxiety and shame and guilt. I wish the stuff did not exist. Knowing how much pain it causes it should be banned of the face of the earth.
Jessie

[jao]

alcoholics and victims

louise

HI Louise I definately became an adult when I had my baby. The 4 drinks thing is the most he can have in a day - silly because most addicted would have the 4 I know, he doesn't have the 4 every single night but likes the security in knowing he can if he wanted with out getting blinde, . He has apparently been working a weaning option plan in a way with the dr 'for eg what at present can he do re drinking without lying about it' How many can he have before the switch in his head says I am going to have more' that type of thing. I am not 100% about its affectiveness but I would prefer him not to start lying about his drinking as that takes it to a whole other level. It was his own descision to go to this dr so I want to support it for a while as I don't think he would change drs at this point and would prefer him to be seeing someone rather than no one. I have just managed to get x to commit to a minimum of 6 al anon meetings so hopefully this will help the counseling sessions. in australia the gov drinking standards for males are as follows
4 drinks max per day
2 alcohol free days per week
2 drinks in the 1st hr, 1 drink per hour after that

If he starts to drink like the general public it is better than what he does now even though he shouldn't drink at all - baby steps

[jao]

alcoholics and victims

Jessie, keep your chin up, nothing is stronger than you unless you let it be, be happy with the fact that you are at least giving it a try to stop, and look at how many people can support your want to keep well on this site alone. You can do it and in fact have been doing it.

[jao]

alcoholics and victims

of those of you who have gone to aa - why?, did it help? - how? what type of drinker r u ie binge etc