here we go

[skeeter]

here we go

that one bottle was on a good night. the "slow drip IV" was 2- 2 1/2 bottles over the course of 2-4 hours. sometimes when we had friends over or out for the night it was 2-3 long islands and then a bottle of wine later.

I know I'm not the most hard core drinker but I see the progression and I have been forgetting evenings or parts of them. I also find it unsettling that I thought so much about it and making sure there was something to drink in the house, otherwise I was stressed and anxious. I also must feel guilt and shame if I feel I need to hide it from my dh and kids. I would have a glass in the masterbedroom hidden and one out to be seen. What the heck is that behavior for a grown up?

[Cinders]

here we go

Skeeter,

That behavior is definitely alcoholic. We have all done it. Geez, I have even poured out mouthwash in my bathroom and put vodka into it. OMG!!

The blacking out is worriesome, too. It does mean you have progressed quite a bit into it.

Hope you are staying strong tonight.

Have you read the link on AWS? If the shaking gets very bad, I would get to a doctor or ER.

Hang in there!!
Cindi

[skeeter]

here we go

that scares me that i might get shakey and i'm thinking i should just have one glass before bed so I won't get a reaction like that. No ER for me tonight. I'm not ready for that.

I know I shouldn't but now I'm completely scared.

[Cinders]

here we go

Skeeter,

You could wait until you get shaky, then take a glass of wine.

You might not get shaky at all.

Cindi

[skeeter]

here we go

thanks for the support. I really think I will be able to do this. I have an awesome family and my dh will be very supportve when we talk about it. I just decided to really work at this as well as some other emotional/spiritual issues this morning after months of wanting to. I also have friends here that will support this. I was so glad to find you all so that I could at least begin this privately. I spent most of the day on here reading. I need this to be a 1st priority issue!

I don't have a fear now of drinking or drinking too much now tonight. It is a little after 9:00 here and the worst tempation is behind me. I just freaked a little about a reaction.
My dh may suggest a glass before bed while we watch a movie. At least I didn't hide anything today or tonight. That is HUGE for me.

thanx again cindi

[louise]

here we go

Hope all went well. I agree with Cindi and others. You may be worrying more than necessary about serious withdrawal. Do get nutritional supplements, kudzu, etc.

[DeeBee]

here we go

Hi Skeeter,

I must've lurked around this site (with glass of wine in hand) for quite a few weeks before pulling myself together. Go on, read the book, get inspired, keep reading the posts. I have been taking suppliments and meds although many here haven't... do it your way.

Oh and now I still lurk but without the glass of wine...:H

Good luck and see you around in cyberspace!

Dee

[KAT20]

here we go

skeeter;356942 wrote: that one bottle was on a good night. the "slow drip IV" was 2- 2 1/2 bottles over the course of 2-4 hours. sometimes when we had friends over or out for the night it was 2-3 long islands and then a bottle of wine later.

I know I'm not the most hard core drinker but I see the progression and I have been forgetting evenings or parts of them. I also find it unsettling that I thought so much about it and making sure there was something to drink in the house, otherwise I was stressed and anxious. I also must feel guilt and shame if I feel I need to hide it from my dh and kids. I would have a glass in the masterbedroom hidden and one out to be seen. What the heck is that behavior for a grown up?

Skeeter Good morning, I may as well have written that. I spent a long time saying to myself I'm not an alcoholic, I just drink alot. And then the tolerence increased and the blackouts increased. I still told myself I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics are miserable, unemployed, wreck cars, alienate family members and friends......Well quess what, I was ignorant. All of us here have a drinking problem and there are so many different kinds. Daily all day drinking, binge drinking, unable to stop once started drinkers, I'm sure there are more but I learned this beast can grab any of us and no one is any better or worse than anyone else. I have been AF 60 days tommorow and am glad I found this site and learned so much from these wonderful people.

[skeeter]

here we go

moving forward

thanks for all the replies.

I am very determined. I'm not near naive enough to think this won't be a struggle. Evidently I've worked my way into a full blown drinking problem. But, I really want to get my guard up and get out of the fog.

Last night went pretty well considering the mind games that went on for 2 hrs. I kept busy, focused on the family and reminded myself of what I want......a clear mind and my self esteem. I'm so tired of the negative way I have been seeing myself and the justifying.

Around 10:30 my dh and I decided to settle in and watch a movie and he offered a glass of wine. I felt good about only having one and I was tired so I did. At least for last ight I wasn't tempted to have another and I drank the one. It really didn't even taste that great. I wonder if my purposeful decision to stay in the moment and to really think about what I want and what I don't want has anything to do with that. I have started ready "The Power of Now" Eckart Tolle.

I am seeing that I have spent a lot (most) of my time either reliving the past or worrying about the future that I have been missing the present.

Today I told my dh that I would prefer to spend the holiday weekend with just our immediate family relaxing, playing. I told him that most of our friends are a positive influence on me but there is a particular couple that I need to stay away from for a little while until I can hold my own. I told him that I am working on improving some things in my life including drinking. I explained that I want to get healthier in body and spirit. He is all over that. He is health conscious and works out too.
Basically I just wanted to put it out there that I am looking for support and he will be.

As for telling him the dark secrets of hiding the drinking.....didn't go there. But I suspect he already knows. Eventually I think I will.

So, today I am cleaning house, running errands and planning to play my guitar instead of drinking wine tonight. Game plan is to get some yummy green teas while I'm out so I have an alternative.

Again.....thank you. Both for suport and for calling it as it is.

[Cinders]

here we go

Skeeter,

You are one of the lucky ones. Those of us who have support in this struggle.

I hope your new teas are yummy.

I am looking forward to tomorrow night, we have a lot of fireworks, and I mean A LOT of fireworks. Hubby spared no expense this year....

I am looking forward to a sober, safe, happy, 4th of July, where the kids and adults are impressed, no one gets hurts and we are all sober.

OMG, that would be so awesome.

Love,
Cindi