2 forward 10 back

[chilli]

Hi guys
you probably have noticed that i havnt been on for a year,allready posted this morning but can not find it, so i dont know what i am doing, so if the first post is floating around in cyber space and finally turns up, i am not repeating myself ,just was not sure if i have done this right.
Well as i said in the last one, i have been trying to find a reason for all my problems(a reason other than alcohol)you know , it has to be something else ,i think sometimes i would rather find out i had a brain tumor or something that makes my behave the why i do(i can not except why i am stupid enough to keep doing this to myself)then that line popps to mind from arnies movie " its not a tumor" so then i have to go back to the fact that i am just plain stupid. Why is it so hard to except that me and alcohol dont mix, and then it comes to me, its the way people react if they know you have a drinking problem, the disasociation, its like you are a freak, they as i do myself wonder why you keep doing it if it affects you like it does(if i knew that i would not be here)but getting on here and reading the threads really helps me understand there are hundreds of people out there like me. Like when you talk about witching hour, i know that so well, how hard it is to get through,NORMAL people just would not get that(look even i think i am not normal) .Every avenue i took to find something or someone else to blame always came back to alcohol.
So this is how i see it, i am one of the select few people that have an alcohol problem, just like some people have alergies or asthma, i am not a freak or a bad person, i just a have a bad reaction to alcohol and it to me,so i am going to avoid the alcohol and stop the reaction, sounds easy, but it just takes one of the main problems i have away, the self hate i have for myself for having such a problem, a problem that society does not tollerate, i dont know about anyone else but the self hate is what brings me back to drinking, the constate nigerling why cant i just be like everyone else,so i just keep testing myself,(god someone who was alergic to something would not keep testing they would avoid at all costs) so here goes guys i have to except my allergy.I AM ALLERGIC TO ALCOHOL.just wish they had a puffer i could take

[nancy]

2 forward 10 back

Hi Chilli

I would like to point out, again- sorry for those who have read my views on him already - that Alan Carr's book EasyWay To control Drinking addresses a lot of the things you talk about in your post.

First of all, he points out that before smoking went out of fashion, people used to look with regret at those who had quit, like they were missing out. Now think, would you ever look at a nonsmoker like that today? No way, you would look with regret at those stuck still in smoking.

Also, he points out that there are some inherently addictive qualities of alcohol and some people are more vulnerable (like those with depression or with childhood abuse for example).

He debunks a lot of myths, like the denial myth, the myth that people don't quit because they are in denial. People know, they just are not willing to give alcohol up.

He also notes that it is strange to compare alcoholism to an allergy because people with food allergies do everything in their power to avoid the allergic source. There's no puffer because the allergy theory is not scientifically proven.

So instead of thinking of yourself as a deprived person in a tiny minority, recognize that addiction is pretty widespread and this is your drug of choice. Social pressures change with generations. Do you want to be subject to a fad? Apart from "alcoholism", alcohol causes a lot of other problems like teenage binge drinking, drinking and driving, rape etc.

It's going to take time for the establishment to really figure out what alcoholism is, particularly given the dogmatism of the 12-step world. It seems a complex mix of psychological, physical and genetic factors. So a cure is not easy to find. But one thing seems to be true, that if you start supporting yourself, take care of yourself, and recognize that you have choices, things will get better...

[chilli]

2 forward 10 back

hi nancy
i guess i have hit a sore point, i am sorry i wasnt trying to belittle that alcoholisum is not a widespread problem or that i am in a minority of deprived people, it was quite the oposite. i was just saying if people just looked at it as they do these other problems, it would make it easier for people to come out and get help. I understand that it is a choice but some choices are harder than others, and if every one around you looks at you as some sort of freak rather than someone with an illness,it makes it that much harder to look at yourself with respect,and thus harder to support and take care of yourself. i was not saying that it is an allergy i was just saying that i choose to look at it that way so i can like myself a bit more, and except my problem, because i as most of society have a stigma about alcoholism , see myself like someone how has an allergy just seems to be easier to say, most of the people in my life think alcoholics are discusting perthitic people. i am sorry if i have offended you.
chilli

[nancy]

2 forward 10 back

Hey Chilli

You haven't offended me at all. I am actually quite hard to offend.

I guess I don't see the value in seeing oneself as part of a minority of deprived people. First of all, scientifically it isn't true. Secondly, It isn't good for sobriety to feel so deprived.

So the people around you don't understand it. I am not surprised. I wonder if you can find other members here from your area to have an MWO meetup? We have had three in the US and I know there are other people from Australia on this website. Why don't you post a general thread under Sydney meetup?

I don't think there is a lot of understanding about alcoholism. Part of it is that it is such a socially destructive problem. You get drunk and hurt people. UGGH.Against the conscious self.

In terms of thinking of alcoholism as an allergy, yes well it would eliminate stigma, but is it true? If not, I can do without that theory.

But you know, the way I view it is that substance abuse is a sign of psychological problems in a lot of cases. Things you can't accept sober come out in a mess while drunk. andthere is a true psychological compulsion to get drunk at whatever cost. Ok, not an allergy or like diabetes, more of a mental illness. Have you seen a good psychologist? They can put you more at ease with anxiety and with contradictory feelings while sober. That can alleviate stress that leads to drunken outbursts.

[louise]

2 forward 10 back

Hi Chilli, welcome back. I think most of us go through quite a struggle accepting that we can't drink. Hope you stick around.

[Thankful]

2 forward 10 back

Chili - I just wanted to say "hi". I understand what you mean in your posts. I think many people here will.

If I were in your shoes (and by the way, I have been in your shoes), I would spend less time worrying about what others think of you right now. I know that may be easier said than done, but if you dwell on negativity then you are only going to want to drink more. AL always makes us think we will feel better when we drink only to find out that once again, we feel worse.

You have to answer to you and no one else right now. You are not worthless and pathetic! You are worth fighting for! To hell with what others think...screw them!

You deserve to be healthy and happy, but only you can make that happen. Can you try to go AF for a couple of days? Get a better grip on things? We are here for you. We will help.

Please touch base with us. I would love to hear more from you.

Love, Me
:l

[Cinders]

2 forward 10 back

Chili,

I so agree with Thankful and Nancy.

If I were in your shoes (and by the way, I have been in your shoes), I would spend less time worrying about what others think of you right now. I know that may be easier said than done, but if you dwell on negativity then you are only going to want to drink more. AL always makes us think we will feel better when we drink only to find out that once again, we feel worse

.

You simply cannot worry about what others think. My daughter always reminds me of that. Worry about what "YOU" think.

She says, "If you live in guilt, you will stay living in guilt."

Worry about YOURSELF. Take it one day at a time, take it one hour at a time if you need to.

Not drinking is hard for us "alcoholics," ummm "problem drinkers." Whatever. It is hard for us. Our minds turn to the drink. It is difficult.

Simply stated, take it "one day at a time" and go with it. Sometimes it is 15 minutes at a time.

Just do it. Decide where you want to be. In the solace of AL who is KILLING you, or in your own mind and body, which truly loves you and wants you to be well.

AL sucks. He/she really does. He makes things "good" for about 15 minutes and then after than he makes things horrific. Keep that in mind and I will, too. We can kick his "a@@" to the curb. We really can.

I have for months now. You can, too, TRUST ME!!

Love,
Cindi

[chilli]

2 forward 10 back

sorry dont know what happened then
as i was saying i guess i am in the wrong place, as i am getting quite offended by nancys comments. i will say again that i do not feel part of a minority of deprived people,but way to go to kick my while i am down , yes i have a psychologist, and yes i have a lot of troubles to solve, and yes iam doing that, i just thought i would share with some like minded friends. So far i have been told what i choose, to help me through my self hate is a crock of shit, snap out of it and see your self for the mental case you are. Well i know i have a drinking problem, and i know it is a self medication for many many issues, you know nothing about me but yet you feel you can tell me how to think, god you called AA dogmatic. These opinions might have worked for you but everyone is different, i have now gone five days without drinking and i can honestly tell you i logged on to night for a bit of a pickme up but now i feel like getting pissed (but i wont).
People deal with most things in life in differently, i have not once tried to tell you that how you deal with it is wrong, god what works for you, i hope you tread a little less abruptly in the future, because these kind of judgements can turn people away, this is a place to come and talk with no judgement, and to get some advice and maybe a little love,thanks to cindi ,louise and thankful for you kind thoughts i may be a little sensitive, but that goes with the territory.

[evie]

2 forward 10 back

Hi Chilli :l
I'm so so sorry that you felt judged, I just read through the thread. I can see you were saying how you felt and I can relate to the 'allergy' thing as I feel I react to alcohol very differently from say my husband who has 1 drink and it doesn't bother him. Alcohol changes the way my brain works immediately!
I suppose I didn't think Nancy was judging you , just sharing her opinion. At the end of the day we are here to support each other. None of us know all the answers, just want to make it through and come out better the other side eh?
Hope you feel you can still come here and share and by the way a big WELL DONE for not drinking for 5 days!!
love Eviex

[Seacailin]

2 forward 10 back

I know what u are saying

I often thought that if I just convince myself that I had an allergy to alcohol, I would not touch it. I also work in the medical profession, in psychiatry for along time, and had to sit through all the nasty, uneducated, judgemental comments that these ignorant people have had to say about us. Far too many people still consider it a "moral" issue. My best friend, who has a young son who is addicted to heroin, said to me "It's not a disease. It's a decision". She is a nurse too. I do not even wish to speak with her right now. The earthlings do not understand. Pls stick with those of us who do. Hugs

[Thankful]

2 forward 10 back

Chili, I just wanted to pop on and say - Hi.

I hope you are feeling better. Let us know how you are doing, ok?

Love, Me
:l

[vera-b]

2 forward 10 back

Hi Chilli,

Just wanted to say hello. We all have our problems - yet we all share the same solution: get drunk and whatever we want to bury/celebrate/gloss over/deny/WHATEVER/ gets drowned out. We're all a little pathetic until we reclaim ourselves and our sobriety. This site, in my humble opinion, is a great place to start and stay connected. The book, cd's, and recommendations on supps, drugs, exercise and diet have all helped arm me in this battle. It's a battle I share with others no matter what the genesis of our particular situation. And who said mankind is not connected?!? Hang in there.

V.