Is there anyone out there who can offer some advice or even just listen

[Seto]

Im not really starting out but didn't know where else to post. I have been on and off these boards for 3 years now. I managed to abstain from alcohol for 4 weeks 2 months ago but now I'm back home my bingeing is getting worse. I have two beautiful daughters who are only 8 months and the other is 3 years. I drink every night, mostly a bottle of wine and have been trying to moderate which I know deep down I cannot do. This last week I have been hiding alcohol from my hubby - he thought I had been moderating. Last night was the final straw for me. I drank and drank until I blacked out. Today I feel so down and depressed. I can taste the alcohol on my breath and feel so ashamed of myself. My husband just looks at me in disgust and my babies could probably do without me. I really don't know where to turn. I have been to the doctors and they have given me some tablets to help me sleep but obviously its not helping. I would never harm myself but I really think I am a waste of space. Is there anyone who can give me some advice or just someone to talk to to help me through this. SetoXX

[one of 7]

Is there anyone out there who can offer some advice or even just listen

I have pm'd you.

:l

[1967]

Is there anyone out there who can offer some advice or even just listen

me too.

[AT]

Is there anyone out there who can offer some advice or even just listen

Hi Seto

I was like that on Sat morn, I'm the same, have a beautiful 15 month old girl and a 2.5 yo boy, I work two days, and live in a lovely town and house and have a great hubby too, but my drinking has got worse over the last 6 months. I don't know if its because my children are not as reliant on myself as much (ie they play together more or what) but I think I need to start on new hobbies etc.
Don't be too hard on yourself you can start now, I thought I'd reply to your thread because its nice to know you aren't alone.
I have received the cds and the book and just finished in this morning, I also have a few of the supps which I've been taking for the last two weeks. Have you got the book yet its is inspirational but you need to prepare I think?
You can do it, I did 5 days then stuffed up, so this is day 2 again for me, perhaps we can support each other.
Good luck.
AT :l

[Captnjack]

Is there anyone out there who can offer some advice or even just listen

I can only say i feel like you "waste of space" but you are here and will be ok ........keep posting and talking pm me too for a male perspective if you want..... you are not alone with this.
Love cap

[evie]

Is there anyone out there who can offer some advice or even just listen

Hi Seto!
Just wanted to encourage you and say you are not alone and certainly not a waste of space. My drinking got alot worse after I had my 2nd child - have you been diagnosed with post natal depression? Are you on any anti depressants?
Your children certainly would not be better off without you but I completely know how you feel as I felt just like that.
You know you can abstain - brilliant for 4 weeks eh?! Just get through today and small steps at a time....
Take care
Evie:l

[Seto]

Is there anyone out there who can offer some advice or even just listen

Thank you, thank you and thank you to everyone who has replied to me. I've had a good cry (knowing there are people out there who actually understand you), I feel slightly better. Hubby is at work and I am absolutely dreading him coming home. I feel so ashamed its unbelievable. See when I drink I am the complete opposite to how I am sober. I'm like a jackyl and hyde and he can't stand to see that side to me. I actually hate myself when I am drunk too so why do I do it. Evie I do suffer from post natal depression and am on antidepressants for it, although the alcohol must counteract it. I know tonight I won't drink but its when I let my guard down the problems start. Any suggestions on how to get through the first couple of days? When I abstained for the 4 weeks it was a different country and a different culutre so it was't as hard for me. Now its back to reality and its hit me like a tornado. I need to do this for myself and more importantly my babies. XX

[river0123]

Is there anyone out there who can offer some advice or even just listen

Hi Seto,
I can't tell you how many times I would wake up in the middle of the night to check the kids to make sure they were okay - not because of that fear many mothers have, but because I couldn't remember putting them to bed. I would reach into their cribs to make sure they were still warm. It's really quite the miracle they've reached the ages of 7, 12, & 15. I happened again just a few weeks ago, I had no idea where my oldest daughter was. She went for a late walk with friends and I couldn't find her in the a.m. I completely forgot I told her she could sleep at a friends house. I understand completely the despair that you are feeling and a fair amount of self-loathing.
I am trying my first attempt at AF for 30 days. Today is day 12 and if I can make any suggestions, it would be to do the supps and get the CD's. I take 9 kudzu a day (didn't realize 3 is what the book recommended), and I really think that little "overdose" is what I need, as it has curbed cravings a lot. Also, when you drink wine, perhaps water it down with seltzer, so that you can still have the comfort of a drink but not the regrets in the a.m. That is my plan for when I begin moderating.
You are not a waste of space, particularly to those little girls who love and need you! And now you have all of us who understand what you are feeling

[gyco]

Is there anyone out there who can offer some advice or even just listen

hi seto welcome to the club most people like us feel that way keep comin here ive been sober 8 months you can do it if you cant stop moderate teach yurslf that is enuff gyco by the way ive drank 37 years off and on and this place and the people will help just keep talkin

[Seacailin]

Is there anyone out there who can offer some advice or even just listen

Dear Seto

I have been feeling the same way about myself. My drinking got so bad that my grown children forced me to go to the hospital. The doc gave me some Ativan just to get me through the physial withdrawal, which is horrible for me. I am then on my own. I plan to use this program in addition to the AA program. I have had many years of sobriety in the past. I let myself slip back into the horror when my marriage ended. I got sober again for close to two years, and went back to it. How easily we forget the agony. Sobriety has to be the number one priority in my life, and I have to chase it like I chased the drink. I want to welcome you, and let you know that there is hope. "God does not make Junk"
Definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over an over, expecting different results"
Please stick around, lots of love and support here.:l

[river0123]

Is there anyone out there who can offer some advice or even just listen

Wow, Seacailin ~ what a powerful statement: God does not make Junk. I will remember that forever...

[vlad]

Is there anyone out there who can offer some advice or even just listen

"God does not make Junk!"

Was gonna say the same but River beat me too it! Great statement!

[OneTooMany]

Is there anyone out there who can offer some advice or even just listen

Dearest Seto ... I suffer from severe depression and anxiety, and that's when I'm NOT drinking. At my lowest, I was seriously contemplating harming myself. I realized that it would be the ultimate selfish thing I could have ever done. My daughter does need me, just like your children need you. It took me a little bit to finally go AF, but now that I am, the meds I'm on are finally working. I'm happy, smiling and laughing again. One of the things that I did differently when I went AF was to do things that would take my mind off of wanting to drink. Now I read, play games, do puzzles, anything that occupies my mind through the evening. I had lost interest in everything except drinking when I was at my worst. There is hope! I'm taking Campral, which works for me. Keep trying until you hit on something that works for you. And never, ever give up. :l

[cowgirl]

Is there anyone out there who can offer some advice or even just listen

This is closest I have gotten to acknowledgement

:new:

I have never ever admitted to anyone that I might have a problem. I am 49 years old, married, and have a 12 year old only daughter. She means the world to me. I usually will kid myself that I will have a glass or two of wine with lunch, but then lunch is over and I don't stop until I go to bed. I work 2-3 days per week and don't drink until I get home on those days. So please hellp me. Will I change or will I continue? My own mother is the only one who really asks me about my drinking and she lives in another state. Help me. I know I can be successful. My philosophy has been that I drink this wine in the middle of the day, because I can. What logic is that?

Please help me to get involved in this group. I do need help.
yours,
cowgirl

[Seto]

Is there anyone out there who can offer some advice or even just listen

Hi everyone
Wow what support this board gives. I didn't even expect a post as I thought I was really selfish. I am feeling more positive. Still highly ashamed of my antics - I suppose in time they will be distant memories. I have had some much needed sleep and am currenlty looking at my babies with adoration. They really deserve me at my best, they deserve to have a good clean upbringing. I don't want them to grow up watching their mother spiral into alcoholism - although i do think I am already there now. I want their respect and I want their love and with the help of you guys I feel as if it is possible. I have to take each day as it is but tonight I am not going to drink. Cowgirl, well done for admitting you have a problem. Maybe we could start this together. Get our lives sorted out. What do you think? I think it is well worth it, do you? XXX