Can you do it for someone else?

[4tops]

I mean, don't you have to WANT to stop drinking? What about all that "you can't do it for anyone else, you have to for yourself"? I don't want to, my husband wants us to. He's very serious, and if I can't muster a "what the hell, sure we'll quit for a while", then isn't concern just validated? And then what does that make me for still not wanting to quit?

[Accountable for Me]

Can you do it for someone else?

No, you won't be able to do this for him and him alone. I responded to your last post, and I think you should really have a talk with him. This will only lead to resentment. You have to be ready and willing to quit drinking.

[4tops]

Can you do it for someone else?

Thanks, and I saw your response. I'm just ticked off right now. And I am talking with him. Thanks again.

[KateH1]

Can you do it for someone else?

4tops, I have no idea why your husband wants you to stop drinking. But, I do believe that you must decide to stop drinking because you either want or need to stop. On the other hand, you need to accept the consequences, if you decide to continue drinking. So, if he has asked you to stop because your drinking is adversely affecting him, and his life, but you still want to drink, then be prepared for what happens next.

[4tops]

Can you do it for someone else?

Kate...that is a sound warning. What exactly is at stake? And is it WORTH alcohol? Am I prepared to buck him like this, when he wants me (us) to stop because of my escalating consumption? I am doing a bottle a night, and sometimes a bit more. We've been arguing with each other after we've been drinking. Alcoholism is in my family, and I take antidepressants for depression. He is coming out of love, but hitting me unexpectedly. Like, I need to do it on MY terms. But I don't think he's off base.

[KateH1]

Can you do it for someone else?

Wow! Good for you, 4Tops, sounds like you are really trying hard to think things through. I know that I don't have to tell you that alcohol only feeds depression. It sure sucks that it makes us feel better, for a very short period of time and then kicks us to the curb! Have you thought of stopping in this way.......he may have brought it up, but it is still your decision and you will most definitely do it on your terms. He is willing to stop too, that is certainly coming from a place of love.......so nice.

Stick around here, you will get a lot of support and there is plenty of good information....

xx Kate

[WaitingToExhale]

Can you do it for someone else?

4tops - All I can say is there "was a day" when I was drinking a bottle a night. That was long ago and far away and before I lost the love of my life over drinking. It WILL continue to escalate.

Sometimes we don't see how severe the impact is on the ones around us until it is to late. My hope for you it that you don't end up in shoes similar to mine: 2 bottles a night and all alone.

[IAD]

Can you do it for someone else?

NOPE...LIKE THEY SAY: GOTTA DO IT FOR YOURSELF ! IAD!

[daisy-doo]

Can you do it for someone else?

lonley places

Exhale what a touching response you gave to 4tops. I too have lost a lot romatically over drinking and the mean things I have done. Its taken me too many years and even more heart ache to call a halt to it all. I have been af for 7 weeks today and and its feels great.

And 4 tops i have never felt mentally healthier in my life i did not realise the extend to which even a couple ofglasses of wine can make you feel depressed even been off medication for a month and feel great.

Hope you both stick with what is right for you . Exhale hope you go on to be af and find somebody to share your life with as a bottle is cold comfort and 4 tops perhaps you need sometime to reflect on what you wnat and how you want to achieve it and as ex said drunk and alone is a very lonely place.

Good luck and love to all

DD x

[daisy-doo]

Can you do it for someone else?

Hallo ex never give up giving up

sorry just a foot not welcome ex see you are new, its a great sight keep coming on even when things don't go right, I have been on and off here for a couple of years tried the mod thing taken god not what to work out the drinking ( only legal stuff) been ripped off by some therapist advertised on here done the lot and failed everytime. THis time for me doning a one to one programme from another sight and been af for 7 weeks like i said and its brill. Coming to terms with all the stupp and people i have lost through drinking all very sad but can't change that only ;earn from it and looking towards a brighter future.

And believe me if i can do it then anybody can, what i really want to say is never give up giving up because then you really are f##### ! sorry for the language but you gey my drift good luck

DD x

[KAT20]

Can you do it for someone else?

4Tops, You definetly have to do this for yourself. I thought you mentioned earlier you drank 3-4 glasses and now you are saying more. I'm not the alcohol police but I remember being pissed off when my husband who is wonderful, told me something I already knew. I had to control or stop my drinking. I was in denial that it was becoming a problem. It definelty null and voided my antidepressants. I apologize if I'm wrong, just a thought.

[WaitingToExhale]

Can you do it for someone else?

Thanks DD, your notes were just what I needed right now. My witching hour and an emotional roller coaster at the therapist today. I would love to crawl into a glass of wine right now and just stop some of the pain.

I know in my heart that this is what I need to do. Period. It is only Day Two for me being AF, but I am determined to make it through another evening.

At some point I will be ready to accept another person into my life is a much more sane and responsible manner. Just tough accepting this one is gone ? ouch.

[4tops]

Can you do it for someone else?

Kat, Thanks, again. 4 glasses that I drink = one bottle. Didn't mean to mislead. And yes. Sometimes, more. Maybe it is messing with my meds. I should probably try to see. I'm just not sure I want to. How did you stop? Or did you moderate?

[KAT20]

Can you do it for someone else?

4tops, I am 42 and started partying and drinking on weekends in highschool, binge drank some during college and frequenty heavily at parties, with friends and with husband. I went through a divorce and career change about 10 years ago and started drinking a couple glasses a night during the week to numb things and relax. i have been happily remarried 8 years now and my career is going well. I contined to drink during the week and weekends, I just found other things to stress out about and not learn to cope with. I have been progressing to 1-2 bottles and started having stomach aches, tolerence to the alcohol and blackouts. I found this site a year ago and found a therapist and gave it a try. I ordered naltrexone online, the book (very informative and inspirational) supplements, cds. I tried for a year to quit or moderated. I saw a therapist and a psychiatrist who put me on campral. I had not spoke to my physican yet as I was embarassed. When it came down to it, I had to decide I'd had enough and did'nt like having alcohol on my mind on my way home or the end of the week all the time. I failed several times at moderation and went on and off meds. My husband said something a few times and I would only get mad. I am sorry about your situation, maybe there are other factors. Right now what matters is what is right for your mind and your health. I can't say exactly what my turning point was, everything I quess. I hated feeling crappy, bloated depressed, addicted. I have a new therapist who works with chemical dependency and we work on my triggers. I also told my physican and she has been very helpful. I see a psychiatrist as well for antidepressants and sleep aids, as alcohol is what I was using to sleep. You will know when you want to stop I believe. I am at 64 days today with one bump in the journey which reinforced my choice to be alcohol free. I might like to moderate someday but I think its too soon. Anyway, sorry for rambling on, the book is a great place to start. Best to you.:l

[louise]

Can you do it for someone else?

I would say no, you have to do it for yourself. But since a standard glass of wine is 5 oz., you are drinking at least 5+ glasses a night. I can understand why, with alcohol problems in your family, your husband is concerned. And it sounds like he is willing to quit with you. But really you have to decide it is something you want to do to be healthier (and less depressed). As many have said, this is progressive. I guess my question to you is how is it that with your family history and drinking a bottle (or more) a night you are not at all concerned? You may find reading this helpful.

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