I'm going to have a drink if

[4tops]

I still feel like this when I get off the treadmill. Just LIKE YESTERDAY. This time of day. OHMYGOD it is so hard to be here 8-10 hours with all the children, the GEAR up for dinner and bedtime. The baby is a maniac...screaming, fit pitching. What if I cannot do my job without alcohol? Then what? And I'm a Christian, with the faith that God gives us what we need to do what He calls us to do? What is wrong with ME?

[Starlight Impress Forever]

I'm going to have a drink if

C`mon.........you haven`t just put yourself through the sheer hell of the first 2 nights without a drink only to give in now.........surely??!!! Of course you haven`t.......keep on going........I promise it gets easier.

Darling x

[WaitingToExhale]

I'm going to have a drink if

4tops, NOTHING is wrong with you. You are just like the rest of us that are wired to crave AL beyond safety.

Is there someone that can give to a break before you have to hit that gear up time? Perhaps a teen sitter in the neighborhood for even an hour to give to time for a walk, or a bath alone or buy a pair of shoes??

You CAN do this. Stick with us. Try and find some outside help as well to give you just a tiny break.

[tlrgs]

I'm going to have a drink if

it doesnt happen over night ..you have to work for what you want and that means be strong ,stay busy and just do you best ot stay away from al ..you can do it only if you really want to .. good luck and give it your best and dont give up

[New Day]

I'm going to have a drink if

I just got through the worst 2 hours of the evening (5:00 - 7:00) for me. I took my wine glass and filled it with sparkling cranberry juice cocktail (NA) ... and sipped on that while I prepared dinner. Just the fact that I had the wineglass on the counter with me helped me over that time. Then right after dinner I brushed my teeth. I think I'm okay now for the rest of the evening. Phewww! Whatever works, right!

[4tops]

I'm going to have a drink if

Alright. I'm over A hump. Did the treadmill, poured a diet coke over lemon (gah), and got the kids' dinner. Hub is STILL not home, stupid project he's working on...and hasn't even left the office yet. I don't think I'm going to cave now, but I feel so pissed off. So deprived. All this crap was his idea 3 days ago, and he's not even here for the worst of it? What gives? And then when he calls to say he'll be even later, it's like he's not even remembering what I'm going through...he's all, wha? Remember this project last year? And I'm, um, WHEN I WAS DRINKING EVERY NIGHT? Like I'm NOT THIS YEAR. And then he doesn't have time to do more than, oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I love you, call you later.
Crap.

[Evie.Lou]

I'm going to have a drink if

I am right here beside you ....kicking ALs butt out of our lives...come on...kick...

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

I'm going to have a drink if

4tops,

I can really relate to what you are saying. My husband never changed, I did. He still eats, breathes, and lives work. Get strong, as strong as you can girl because those difficult babies will push you over the edge when they are teenagers. You can do this but I have a hunch your husband isn't going to be the one to lean on in this area. We are all here for you :l



Myheart

[SunDaisy]

I'm going to have a drink if

With you girl. Angry myself. Get on chat if you can...I'll be there all pissed off with ya!

[vlad]

I'm going to have a drink if

4tops;361463 wrote: What if I cannot do my job without alcohol? Then what? And I'm a Christian, with the faith that God gives us what we need to do what He calls us to do? What is wrong with ME?

Just had to post something after reading your thread because I went through the same thing. I know exactly your feeling, I'm a Christian too - I decided to do 40 days AF a couple of years ago. By day 5 I felt I couldn't cope without alcohol and felt I was falling apart, it felt so embarassing, I told myself, I have faith in God, what I'm I doing?!!! Around that time I had a church leadership meeting to go to (I even felt I couldn't cope with this!!!) and we were praying for one another (in pairs), our Deacon offered to pray for me and asked me what I would like her to pray for. Well, there was only one thing on my mind but I thought, I can't tell her that! But I knew deep down that's where I needed prayer, it was uncomfortable but I explained I had a problem with alcohol, was doing a 40 day abstaination and I didn't feel I could cope... AND she was very understanding and prayed with me about it. Things became so much easier after that.

Sharing your problem with others can be difficult but sometimes you just know the right time. In my situation I just knew that's where I needed prayer otherwise I just wasn't going to be able to function properly.

I'm offering you my prayer support.

[4tops]

I'm going to have a drink if

Thank you, Vlad

I will count on those prayers. I'm trying to learn to pray again, myself. Been a hard couple of years on many fronts...but I am blessed, and need to be in the kind of control God calls us to. He is a God of moderation and BALANCE. So surely, we can learn to model this?!? (I say this in the morning, not at Crazy Hour!)

[vlad]

I'm going to have a drink if

4tops;361918 wrote: I'm trying to learn to pray again, myself.

This sounds familiar too, my relationship with God dwindled because of my drinking (on my part, not God's) probably because the quality time I normally spent praying was spent drunk!!! I'd begin to pray and then fall asleep or unconscious. One time during a sermon in church I prayed for God to get me out of my drink problem - He told me he couldn't get me out just like that - I needed to want to get out and I needed to make that decision. He promised to be with me though no matter how long it took. I posted a thread a while back on the 'What We Believe' section about when I thought my turning point was - it's still there on the front page I think - I felt like I'd been hit with a BRICK!!!

Love your bit about God being a God of moderation and balance... so true!!!

[vera-b]

I'm going to have a drink if

Hi 4tops,

Children and the "bewitching hours" can be so stressful. Some days are so tough you look at your little darlings and wonder why you even had kids, then feel guilty for even thinking this. The beauty of it all is that, God willing, they start to grow up. I shamefully admit that when my girls were that age, I did drink to get through it all. You're lightyears ahead of me in this regard. Find anything you can to persevere - you're so worth it. Have a wonderful weekend, and get that hubby to do a little babysitting for you!

V.

[livingfree]

I'm going to have a drink if

A Special Message for you

4tops - Just wanted to send you a word of support. As a Christian - I can relate to everything that both you and valad have posted here.

I am now well into my 7th month AF - after YEARS of begging God to take this away. The "final answer" God gave me was that Jesus had already freed me. I was holding the key to get out while I was screaming from the inside of the prison walls for Him to open the door. My drinking was not the prison walls - - - but my needing to confess it as sin, and take FULL responsibility for my actions (ie: had to stop telling myself it was a disease and not my fault).

Just want to share these first couple of pages out of my Journal when all of this came about. I had begun to read Elmer Townsends book on Spiritual Fasting. These are the words I wrote. Looking back - I k ow I paraphrased out of this book and even added my own "comments". So don't by any means take what I wrote as a personal message, but just sharing and hoping that it Blesses you and helps you to know how much God loves you {and desires you to be free from these chains. As one who IS FINALLY Free .... I want you to know this freedom also -

Let me know if I can help.

Jan 1 2008

Besetting sins are habitual sinful behaviors or attitudes that victimize and enslave people. Being a victim of besetting sin makes you a slave to sin and takes your will away.

Any sin that can't be broken with ordinary "willpower" can be termed a besetting sin.

God's word says "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to man" (1Cor 10:13). You, however, are chained to it like a compulsive slave.

Yet ... "Thanks be to Jesus Christ" God's word promises "A Way Out" (1Cor 10:13)

This I personally feel was my sign from God that this web site was where He put me.}

Why have I been in bondage (enslaved)?
~ Because I believed Satan's lie. Because I have believed the lie, I could not believe the say out. I have surrendered my will to Satan rather than to God. Ouch. When Satan controls our thoughts, he controls our lives. when he lies to us about ourselves and our lives, he controls us and we are in Bondage to HIM. Ouch.

So we ask ... How can we break the bondage?

Jesus said ... This kind goes not out, but by prayer and Fasting. Matt 17:21

I'm going to submit this post as when I'm posting a long post it always goes Poof and disappears! I'll continue...

[livingfree]

I'm going to have a drink if

Continued .........

Fasting in the Old Testament: Isaiah said ... "Is not this the fast I have Chosen? To Loose the Bands of wickedness" Isa 58:6

SO ... To Loose the Bands (Bondage) of Wickedness (Satan) "This can only be done by Prayer and Fasting" Jesus

As I have wept, prayed sincerely and sought deliverance I have remained in bondage and even stepped deeper and deeper into prison. Why? ... I've asked over and over.

Now I understand. Because I am wrestling to take MYSELF away from Satan and surrender to God!! Breaking these bonds can ONLY be done by God!

Why does God require Fasting and Praying? Why doesn't He just "ZAP" us and instantaneously make us who He wants us to be? It's a valid question!!

The answer ... like it or not ... God does not want Robots controlled by switches. God wants surrender voluntarily and to quit sinning voluntarily. He wants us to demonstrate our commitment to HIM, not in one "zap" but by making choices and acting on those choices. Fact.

It's a fact that I can not question or know the full reason at this junction - but I believe with all that I am ... that God will present (Gift) me with full answer and knowing at just the right time. His time. I accept now the answer to this problem (Fasting and Prayer) and accept that I will believe Him without knowing "why". This is the only Answer. I am starting a fast (21 days??) but know that Gods instructions will become clear as to how to fast and for how long. It may have to be longer to get a break through. I set out on this journey without a "set" finish date.

Injecting a note: I fasted 1 day .... on the 2nd day I broke the fast at 8 PM. Looking back I felt I had failed. But God didn't fail. He honored the fact that I was willing with all of my heart to do this HIS WAY.

I will post and continue what I did next