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**Guest** · November 15, 2005, 08:18 PM

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Kim,
It's like reading my own biography when I read yours. I, too have a happy home life, great kid (well he's a teenager, though!!) The only difference is this alcohol thing came on later in life for me. Just a couple of years ago, one glass became two, became a bottle, became two. I too would look forward to opening that bottle at 5 and sip while cooking dinner. But the sipping became gulping and I'd need more and more to keep the buzz going. Yikes, it just sneaks up on you.
If you can go through your pregnancy without drinking, I'd suggest doing the Hypno, the supps (along with your prenatal vits), and continue to come to the board for support. Don't isolate yourself. I'd also tell you to talk to your doctor, but I just went on a rant about doctors, so I'm probably not in the best place to tell you that right now.

You're with people who understand. Good luck!

Take care,
Kel

**Guest** · November 15, 2005, 09:21 PM

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You're me

Hi...You're me. Well..you might as well be. Read my story under Jen's story in the "My Story".

My suggestion to you is this: you need topamax if you want to drink moderately. Actually, it isn't a suggestion..it's a I KNOW YOU ARE JUST LIKE ME AND PLEASE DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES I DID. If you are serious about doing this and doing this now and you are talking about having a child in the near future, and your family and 2 year old are the most important thing in the world to you, stop drinking right now (just right now). Get on campral, start the MYO program with campral, and if you find out you're pregnant, stop campral because like all good alcoholic woman(me included

) you can stop drinking when you're pregnant

...and when you have the baby...immediately AFTER you have the baby..get on topamax. (or campral if you choose not to drink) Don't make the mistake I made, I slipped one week (only ONE week) after I had my daughter. It didn't start as a big slip, but it didn't take long for the drinking to go downhill. So, if you are serious, that is my advice. You can do this, and your drinking doesn't have to stop forever. But you do have to be ready.

And I hate talking to doctors..but I think we have to to get these medications, so please do discuss this with your primary care physician. And again, if he/she isn't open to it...please see another.
Jen

**Guest** · November 15, 2005, 09:22 PM

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Re: You're me

I started the program Oct 9th without the topamax because my Dr.'s appt was postponed (twice). I did well for the 1st 10 days, but it was a daily struggle. I LOVED waking up in the morning with a clear head and remembering last nights conversations. However, I found myself slipping back into my old patterns. I don't want that. So yesterday I went to my scheduled appt and had the courage to ask my Dr. for the topamax. She was very accommodating, thanked me for doing the research and bringing in the book and the dosage suggestion. She commented that she had been prescribing topamax for migraines long before it was an FDA approved indication, so she had no problem prescribing it for my problem drinking.

My goal is to lose the cravings. I hope the topamax does that for me. In the meantime, I have really benefitted from the tapes and have re-read parts of the book several times. Finally, the folks on this discussion board are a very valuable source of support and information.

It's so amazing that our stories are all so similar.

Good luck
Dee

**Guest** · November 16, 2005, 01:06 PM

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Thank You All!

You are all wonderful, thank you so much for your empathy, support and suggestions. It is so comforting to know that there are others just like me out there. I feel so ashamed and stupid about not having control, and for the first time I think I may really have a chance to turn it around. All of you on this message board provide such great insight and support, I think that (support (along with the program) may be the difference maker for me.

Kel, Yes, it does sound like our lives are very similar. I have a happy life, so I don't think I drink to escape it. I am not sure why I do it, except for that I think it is fun and I lose control. My son is younger, but I waited a long time to start having kids. I had to smile when you said sipping became gulping. I know that all too well. It happens in the same night. I start out sipping, and end up gulping. Just when a "normal" person's brain would be saying "slow down", mine is saying "let's speed it up!" Thanks for your kind words.

Jen, I read your story, and you are right .... I AM you! Also a more scholarly type, I think I probably started using alcohol to loosen up and be more fun. And I got myself into more troubling situations than I would like to admit, esp. in college, but even after college. It scares me sometimes to think of things that could have happened had I fallen in tho the wrong hands. And to your point about taking care of your child while drunk ... yes, I am ashamed to say that happened with me as well. That raises another issue for me....my mom was often embarassingly drunk when I was younger. I don't want to be that mom.

I haven't made it to rehab, and I hope I never have to go that far. I am serious this time, I am just "so sick and tired of being sick and tired" and also can't stand embarassing myself anymore. Thanks for the advice on Campral and Topamax. Since I am trying to get pregnant now, Campral does make more sense. I will make an appointment with my doctor today.

Lastly, your comment about "like all good alcoholic women, you can stop drinking when you are pregnant" really made me smile. It is so true! For me, it was pretty easy ... I just knew it wasn't an option. I would have a glass of wine (that I couldn't even finish), once in a while, but even that didn't really even taste very good. But once that good reason was gone, I was right back at it. Clearly I need to break the cycle now. Thanks so much for your support!

Dee, Thanks for sharing your experience with Topamax. I agree, my goal is also to stop the cravings, but also to be able to have control if I do have ONE glass of wine. I ordered the tapes and book, and have my shopping list for the supplements to buy today. And you are right, it is amazing how similar many of the stories are. It makes me feel like I am not so alone. Thanks for sharing.

Kim

p.s. I didn't drink at all last night, but that was not really much of an accomplishment since I was feeling so sick from the night before. I am looking forward to clear-headed mornings!

**Guest** · November 16, 2005, 02:40 PM

New Here

I am also new. Today is my first day on this program and I am so ready!!! I've tried everything......I even entered a program a few years ago where the people in the program were so down and out, one of them committed suicide during the program (well not while we were all in our group meeting, but you get the idea). I was the only one with a car!!

I have a terrible hangover today and am taking all of the supplements except the Kudzu root and Magnesium - I had to order those. But I'm doing everything else, including drinking this cranberry/water concoction that I learned about in the Fat Flush Plan. The cranwater helps to cleanse your intestins. I was also taking Milk Thistle on that diet because it helps to cleanse your liver. I have to say, the supplements and diet component of this program are very similar to Fat Flush (limit carbs, lots of water, supplements, etc.).

I listened to the hypnosis CD this morning. That guy has a very calming voice but I found that it was hard to go "deeper" - I felt like I was faking it. Has anyone had that experience?

I'm excited about this program. I talked to my doctor about it and he was very supportive. He told me that Topamax is a very safe drug that he's been prescribing for years for migraines. He said the most common side effects are weight loss and fatigue - but he said it may help to get me off Ambien for sleeping when I don't drink myself to sleep. We will see. I have major sleep issues when I don't drink and cannot get to sleep on my own. So I have the Ambien, which works, but it does make you a little groggy the next day. I need to be sharp at work, but here I sit very hungover - how sharp can I be today?? I mean the things we tell ourselves about other drugs. Can a little grogginess from Ambien outweigh the fogginess, anxiety, headache, stomachache that comes along with a hangover.

This seems like a great forum with a lot of very supportive people, so I'm glad to be here.

**Guest** · November 16, 2005, 08:12 PM

New Here

Welcome from one new comer to two others.

Its like a silent torture we have all been through and at last here is a safe place where we can be brutally honest (to ourselves, mostly) about the crap we have put ourselves through.

How can this have happened to sensible, upstanding people such as us.. that I just cant figure out.. but I do find this forum immensely helpful and supportive.

Last night I had to go to a meeting from 3.3opm till 10.30pm. It was long, important and very tiring and someone pulled out the wine (red... hmmmmm) and my mind started... 'everyone else is having one.. perhaps while these others are watching I could just say innocently - I'll have a small one- etc etc etc, you know the piece, I'm sure... but then I thought about having to come here this morning fuzzy headed and fess up to what I had done and that stopped me.. specially I thought about those of you talking about taking the meds cos I'm not on the meds and you guys and gals got me through.

thanks
ATT

**Guest** · November 17, 2005, 01:57 AM

New Here

Good for you, Kim..I think it's great you are starting now. I went into rehab because I was in your position, and I just wanted to stop and knew it would keep me from drinking for a month. I wish I had known about this program then. But it was good for me then. I actually am glad I went through it.

Take care of yourself.

Jen

**Guest** · November 17, 2005, 08:16 PM

New Here

pattiCO2, welcome! I am glad to see another new comer here, starting at the same time as me. I am also excited and optimistic about his program. Hopefully we can provide encouragement to each other on this journey.

Sounds like you started exactly the same way I did, with a huge hangover. I have not received the CDs or the meds yet, but also have not had a drink since Monday night. I have been sleeping terribly, so I am exhausted. I was really hoping for that clear-headed morning, but today I could barely get out of bed. I felt like I had taken Tylenol PM or some sleeping pill that makes me all groggy in the morning. We'll see how tomorrow goes. I'll keep hoping for that clear head.

ATT - thanks for the welcome, and I am also glad for another new comer. I am seriously considering trying to do this naturally as I am really afraid of the med side effects + trying to get pregnant, so I am particularly interested in your experience. Honestly, already for my short 2 days in this, it is already you guys in this forum helping me through. It is so comforting to have an empathetic group of people with the same struggle to keep me honest.

The situation you described about the red wine (mmm, my favorite!) coming out in a group setting is the one that will be the hardest for me. It is that "every one else is, why can't I?" that gets me every time. Great job resisting, that had to really take some strength!

Jen, I appreciate your advice on meds immensely, but for some reason I am (probably very naively!) really wanting to give it a shot without meds. I know that seems crazy, esp. because I have never proven to myself or anyone else that I can do this without. But, I have never tried hypno, vitamins, herbs and a great support group (you guys!) either. I think I will try for now, and will RUN, not walk, to the doc for meds the first time I fall apart. I just want to try for a bit first.

And I admire you for going through the rehab experience. I can only imagine how much you learned there. I am sure that would be a great thing for me, but honestly I am afraid of 30 whole days away from family and, even more afraid of everyone (esp. my husband's family) knowing I have a problem. As if they don't know. Who am I fooling?

I guess right now I think I am still hiding it from everyone but my husband. Ironically, my husband's family has a really bad attitude about drinking (oh, alcohol is sooooo bad!), but thinks pot smoking is just great and should be legalized. :hat

**Guest** · November 17, 2005, 11:21 PM

New Here

Hi All,
What a great conversation you have going here. This is really an amazing way to treat our disorder. I have been around the boards for about a month, and have limited yet marked improvement. I have been hit and miss about doing the whole program since I opted for abstinence not moderation. I chose Campral but soon realized I should have tried Topamax instead. SOOOOO the great news is that my doc. was amazing about prescribing the Topamax even though I had already failed on Campral miserably. I wonder sometimes if just giving myself the permission to drink if I want is enough of a mental breakthrough. After 5 years in AA I have some real hang ups around the slips. Since being on this program however, I feel sucessful in spite of my mistakes. Last summer I couldn't even go two days without a drunk. Yes that's a 'drunk'. Drunk-hangover-drunk-hangover-drunk-hangover... sick pattern. Today since starting MWO, I go many days without drinking and often don't get drunk. I'm glad we're all together here.
Hang in there newbies! There is hope.
Lori

**Guest** · November 18, 2005, 12:13 AM

New Here

Yikes! I just read over the drug info for Campral and Topamax, and both are Pregancy Category C, which means they have done animal testing and found that they cause defects in animal fetuses, even at doses similar to human doses (I am assuming they mean adjusted for body weight!?!) So as much as I would love to try this program WITH the drugs, I just can't do it. I was considering Campral, but if I get pregant while I am on it, I will worry throughout my entire pregnancy. Last time I was pregant, I was able to quit. So I will have to do the same this time. Till then, I will continue with the program sans meds. :

Lori, thanks for the hope! I really do hope (long term) to be able to drink just a little, a glass of wine with dinner, maybe a martini.

I am encouraged to hear you have found some success! Quitting forever just seems so limiting, I would rather just shoot for being "normal."

Kim

**Guest** · November 18, 2005, 12:56 AM

New Here

Hi and welcome to the site. I feel like you live my life. I mainly drink beer and vodka but sometimes I drink wine too. You think that just a glass of wine is okay or a shot of whiskey. You think you stop at 1 shot of something and one glass of wine, or 1 beer but it's hard for many of us to stop at just 1 or 2 drinks.

**Guest** · November 18, 2005, 01:14 AM

New Here

Category C drug vs. binge drinking for the first two weeks of a pregnancy won't do much damage, but I understand if you don't want to do it.

I understand people get nervous about pregnancy and drug interactions, but stopping campral upon a postive pregnancy test would be more beneficial than continuing to drink to the point of a positive pregnancy test. Just a thought, so know how you "feel" going forward.

Category C drugs just mean always weigh risks to patient health to fetus. They actually can be taken throughout the whole pregnancy if necessary. I am not suggesting taking a drug like campral throughout pregnancy, but I took a Category C drug throughout pregnancy (most antidepressants are C's)

**Guest** · November 18, 2005, 01:37 AM

New Here

Kim JW
You asked about me doing this without meds.. I had this discussion on the board a short while ago.. but here is another take on it...

I have two kids 7 and 9 and the younger has been getting into some trouble (normal growing up stuff) - so one day I was doing the talk about 'its all about choices and the choices you make and when you make the wrong choice its usually yourself you hurt the most' when the light went on and I thought.. I really should be listening to myself. I mean, honestly, both kids must be watching me thinking and what about you mum.... - really, what am I teaching these kids..At about that time, I found this board... and started thinking about moderation versus abstinance.. life versus a liver death.. and it all got quite dramatic in my head!! I decided on the abstinence cos one glass is just never enough. I ordered campral over the internet (cos I'm in secret here) and in the time it took the campral to arrive I thought I want to do this myself and not replace the booze with another drug which I feared getting dependant on.

Jen cautioned me saying that I should have more than this forum to take this approach - and I recognised that this is a big gamble I'm taking on myself. I'm not doing AA, havent joined a group apart from this and I know this is risky but I'm going to try. I am not someone who has hit rock bottom but I am someone who could and I"m trying to prevent that from happening by taking this approach. If my method fails I'll not hesitate in taking the campral. I find meditation really helps and the supplements also as well as the exercise..

Its the going out that is the hardest (despite the fact that I used to drink alone at home).. so tonight we are going out and I'm already preparing myself so that I dont ask for my 'usual'.

I have a lot to live for.. lovely family, great kids, great partner, great life and this blasted drinking issue is one that someone like me HAS to be able to master.

One day at a time, I think.
ATT

**Guest** · November 18, 2005, 05:25 PM

New Here

Wow, I did it again. By preparing myself through sitting at this computer thinking of you all trying along with me.. (I even opened up the drawer with the campral in it to warn my brain that I know where it is should I fall) anyway, I went out, ordered my dinner and even tho the waiter asked if I wanted my usual glass (well bottle) of wine, I just said, no, I've had a headache today and she never came back to ask me later. I might have a few headaches over the next period leading up to xmas...

I had such a fear I would slip last night.. having that weak feeling, but I got through another day.

If I can get through tonight and tomorrow I'll be a three weeker.

ATT

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