I'M STRUGGLING - THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT

[Seto]

Hi everyone
Hope everyone is good today. I myself am struggling. I haven't managed 1 day AF in 1 week. I know I am spiralling downwards and don't know which way to go. I CANNOT see my doctor as I am in the process of landing one of the best jobs ever and am currently waiting for my medical assessment:upset: Me and my hubby are back together, not because I want to just because its easier at the moment. He wouldn't leave me alone and in the end I cracked and let him back in. I am still hiding wine from him and he thinks its all ok with me moderating. I really hate myself for the way I'm behaving but I just can't seem to stop at the moment. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???? I have two beautiful daughters, a future with a great job and I am still trying to destroy everything. I just can't seem to stop:upset:

[Sunbeam]

I'M STRUGGLING - THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT

Seto,
I can only repeat things I have heard here often: can you work just on that one AF day, beginning today? You do have a lot at stake - we all do, but thinking about all of it can be overwhelming.

It helped me to make a list that hung-over Monday am before I went to work. I listed all the things I hated about alcohol, being drunk, over-consuming, whatever you want to call it. I called it my "alcohol manifesto". It was a just getting started thread in early February. There are many similar threads here. Kinda the flip side of that concept would be making a list of the positives you want to accomplish in your new life.

Keep reading and posting here as much time as you can. The support is invaluable. Read some personal stories in My Turn, or by searching individual profiles. It is always inspiring to see how others have evolved.

Go for a walk, or any other kind of exercise.

Drink lots of water. That means a lot of time in the bathroom but oh well.

Get another beverage ready now for when that drinking time starts. Make it fun, something special - maybe something with seltzer and fruit.

Somebody here saw a different doctor, at their own expense, just for the purpose of prescribing meds to help them quit drinking.

Pray/meditate, whatever. Seek out spiritual support.

Thats what immediately comes to mind. Take care, hugs,etc.etc. etc.......

[Seacailin]

I'M STRUGGLING - THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT

Hi Seto
I am so sorry that u are struggling. I knew my withdrawal would be horrible, so I went to a doc at my own expense and got some meds to help. It was well worth it. I would have spent that money on booze in 5 days time anyway. I know u can do it. I did not think I could this time and it has not been easy. I am on Day 14, which is a miracle. I could not have done it without the withdrawal meds, the people here, and I also go to AA. It helps me to take it one day at a time, sometimes one hour. Getting started is the most difficult part. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You have so much going for you. I was the Queen of self-sabotage. Don't become part of that kingdom. Much love.

[Lila]

I'M STRUGGLING - THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT

Hi Seto,
I know all about chaos, and how it feels like an inconvenient time to quit. Do you have any kudzu? I am waiting for mine - it really works for me. Do your best and stay in the forum. Be gentle with yourself. SOmetimes I find myself drinking because I can't set boundaries that I need for me, and alcohol is kind of a consolation prize.
You will get through this!!!
Lila **

[Beck]

I'M STRUGGLING - THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT

Hi Seto,

There has already been some great advice on how tho quit posted here. It is interesting that you can clearly see where you are headed and cannot seem to regain control. For many of us, when we could finally see it clearly, we were able to begin an AF period. My husb is always telling the kids "when you are in a hole, stop digging" I know it is tough to quit pushing that self-destruct button, but you need to before it is too late and you do lose something you value. You are worthy of all the good things you have in your life. After a bit of time AF you will begin to see that more clearly.

I wish you the best,

[Chelle12]

I'M STRUGGLING - THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT

Hi Seto, Can really understand where you're coming from. I havent had an AF day in months.
In the middle of my ironing this afternoon, I sat down and fell asleep for an hour... woke up feeling crap and ashamed and pretty useless.
Something's gotta give....
Life is too precious to waste inside a bottle.

I miss the sounds of my son laughing.
I miss taking him out for day trips.
I miss being a MOTHER.

This is so bloody hard, but we're all fantastic people here and I KNOW we will all get though this sh***e.
We deserve better.
Our FAMILIES deserve better.

Keep coming here and posting. Im reading posts here everyday. It helps so much.

Onwards and Upwards...
Chelle.
x

[keke]

I'M STRUGGLING - THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT

Hi Seto, You did come on line today to ask for help. I think that is a big start. You have a lot more going for you than you think. How are the supps, topa, etc.. You sound very sad - alcohol is a depressant and usually doesn't make us any better. I wish you resolve and lots of hugs your way. We are all in this nasty little fight together, so keep posting. I'm on day 5 AF and the thought of a drink doesn't even sound good. Wine is my drink of choice and I had cranberry and soda at the bar while waiting for a friend (ok, so that was a bit more difficult) last night. Supps and topa and CD's seem to help. I seem to hit the bottle when I get sad, so I've upped my Prozac while on the topa. With the amount of posts on this sight I trust there are some that will click with you and help you on your journey. Peace, Love, and Serenity. Keke

[jessie]

I'M STRUGGLING - THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT

Hi Seto,
Take heart, you are over the halfway mark to the victory line. Acknowledging to yourself that you have a problem is a big step. All that is left now is for that realization to really, really sink in and to accept the fact that you cannot drink alcohol. That will carry you to the victory line.
Hugs to you.

[gyco]

I'M STRUGGLING - THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT

hi seto,your not destroying nothin,obviosly your a forgivin person,you love your kids,just moderate your boose,you come here and talk to us and i like that it helps me, and i like your life,it kinda makes mine peaceful,as far as hidin the stash, you shouldnt but life isnt always perfect your here thts greatkeep sendin messages gyco

[Sunbeam]

I'M STRUGGLING - THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT

Hi Seto,
I happen to be mostly home today, thinking about you, your little ones and a new job opportunity. I read some of your posts. Are you still making it to 9:00 at night? Can you just go to bed early tonight? You have already figured out that you can't start (or you won't stop). You have also figured out that you need to keep coming here, reading, posting. I call it thinking out loud when I use it to get other friends help for solving problems. You ARE making progress.

[vera-b]

I'M STRUGGLING - THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT

Hi Seto,

So sorry to hear you're struggling. Sunshine was dead on. We're all here thinking out loud, trying to get the al beast from running our lives. To answer your original question, there is nothing wrong with you. Many folks here have decent (in some cases great) lives, and yet we, too, drink too much. Who the heck knows exactly why we do. We think it's because Aunt Harriet hid shots of whiskey behind the electric can opener in our youth, or we inherited a defective gene, or a lover dissed us so the only thing we could do was . . . you get the picture. No sense in wondering why. Best to focus on the how - how not to let it ruin our lives. That's where the MWO program and this site come into play. You'll make it -just give yourself the chance. Hugs and health to you.

V.

p.s. Sea - You are amazing. 14 days. Wow. I could just head north and give you a hug!

[nancy]

I'M STRUGGLING - THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT

Hi Seto

You have received a lot of good posts here.

It can sometimes take a long time to change behavior but it's not impossible. Some of us do it more slowly than others unfortunately.

I think the most important messages you got are about not self-sabotaging. This job opportunity sounds great, you have a good family. So many things to be happy about! Will you let yourself be happy and healthy?

Regarding doctors, can you see a psychotherapist and ask them not to submit delicate things in writing? there are patient information protections you know. Or maybe if what you want is medication then you could see a doctor privately. I also think it might help you to just open up about all this, so maybe you can go to the chat rooms on MWO and maybe some AA meetings or other face-to-face alcoholic groups? Maybe that would help you because it seems you feel ashamed of the secrecy and that you feel like you can't be yourself with your partner.

Try not to be ashamed about this because what you are going through is common. It's not a reflection on whether you will be able to achieve sobriety down the line.

[suez2225]

I'M STRUGGLING - THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT

Dear Seto,

I'm here only for 4 days, but I can say I earn a lot love and understanding here. I'm still not be able to give you any advice but you got all my support for your AF (i'm sure it will be coming soon). You must believe in yourself that you can. OK?

[monrose]

I'M STRUGGLING - THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. No its not easy. I love a social drink....sometimes for some reason it gets totally out of control. I still don't feel out of the wood yet, but I'm back to weeks with a drink.
Down load the book, arm your self with vitamins. Create a non alcoholic drink. L

I started with soda and lemon. Now I quite like cranberry juice, alittle orange juice, squeeze of lemon and soda...its almost like a cosmopolton. yum.
Great place that you have found

[Seto]

I'M STRUGGLING - THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT

Once again thanks for your support. I know exactly what I have to do now. Firstly I am going to order the proper supplements as I have just bought the ones from holland and barret and they are different. I will download the book. I AM going to give this my best shot and go for 4 weeks AF and then see how I feel. I am actually going on my hols 4 weeks today so thats a good incentive isn't it? Feeling a lot more together today and more sure about where I am going. Its right what you say Vera, there is no point in wondering why I drink the way I do and just get on with the how to not let it ruin mine and my babies lives. See I WANT my kids to grow up with me, the whole me, and not the bad tempered/can't be bothered to do anything me. I know this is going to be hard, so hard but I am ready. Thanks everyone, will post later. XXXSeto:l