not so fed up

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not so fed up

Re: Duh!

Sta05
I agree with you. A rose by any other name is still a rose. I think that for those of us who are trying to work on this problem we are constantly reevaluating the situation. I'm not sure that you are ever "free and clear". I think I read in one of threads about a 5 year stint being a mile mark for long term success. But I guess that we will always have to be cautious. Anyway, I started this program going for moderation. I see that I am not handling that well. Since starting the program in July I have gotten drunk more times than I would like to admit. Less times than I would have without the program!!! But still I have to now ask myself; is moderation really the right answer for me? Can I handle it? I haven't gotten drunk to the degree of a blackout but how long will it be before I do? How long before I'm back to a bottle of wine a day? Obviously I have an addiction and my addiction is willing to play any kind of game it can with my feeble little brain in order to get it's way! At this point in the game I'm not sure I'm strong enough to win. I said in another thread that I was going back full force into the program... and I have been for the most part. Except that I haven't been as good about cutting the carbs and when I first started out I was completely abstinent... not cheating at all. But now...
Anyway, it's never too late, right?
Donna

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not so fed up

Re: Duh!

you know
its amazing what reading these posts point out, alot of it i knew but
refused to admit to, now its quite clear that all the physicall symptoms i feel, the withdrawal sypmtoms however slight are quite present, this triggers me to go back to it again and again.

I've said before since posting on this sight i personally cant go the moderation route even though i have not started the program, coz my own personal attepmts of abastaining leads to weeks of drinking almost daily,and after 9 years, i'm like woah, wher did those years go, what did i do?
Someone said that they found that they became non productive, how trrrue in my case, i go to work everyday, take care of my responsiblilities financially, my husbund works long hours in his business which leaves me alone most all the time and there i go with a bottle to put me to sleep, he has never said a word about it, he obviously knows , christ i cant stand my own breath in the morning.
i've become so good at it i barely suffer hangovers, then i self loath and think about when i get of work i'll drown my self loathing again and again
even right now i want a drink sooo bad but i refuse to go out and get it but i'm swaeting for it
i would give my right arm for a magic pill to make it go away, but i'm coming to accept it will be a fight for life, i only hope it gets easier...
still waiting on the book to see what i inspiration it can give me.
all your posts are great..its a pleaseure reading thiem.
liz

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not so fed up

Re: Duh!

Last week after a Christmas party on Wednesday night, I was sitting at work hating myself for being hungover yet another day. It had only been 4 days since my last hanover and I promised myself I would only have a glass of wine or two at the party...of course, I had ALOT more than that.

Over the past 20 years I have been to AA, I have quit, I have tried different drinks: rye, beer, beer and tomato juice, red wine, vodka, orange and seven. Blah, Blah, Blah....Nothing has worked. I hope moderation is going to work for me...and I don't have to completely abstain- that seems almost impossible. Liz- we are all in the same boat!

I started this program last week. I have the vitamins,ordered the book and am going to give it my best shot. I havent' been hungover since Thursday (only 3 days) BUT I am hoping this works for me. I am sick of hating myself and feeling embarassed about what I have said or done. What an awful feeling...Good luck with this everyone...we can kick this thing!
Love,
Bobbie

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not so fed up

Liz,

It sounds like you are "white-knuckleing" it. That is the most difficult way to go. It most likely ends in failure. What you need to do, and understand, is enter into "recovery". It's a life-long process. As you know by reading in this forum, there are many different routes to recovery. It sounds as though you would like to go the abstinence way. I applaud you. I believe if you really want to beat your drinking problem, you gotta live life w/o it for awhile. Hell, you may enjoy it so much that you choose never to live the way you've been living again! For me, the medication Campral was a true life saver. It has diminished ALL physical cravings. It doesn't work this well on everyone; but, on the majoity.... it does. The "mental" cravings are another story.....this board definitly helps as well as AA. You do not have to be a "fall-down", disgusting drunk to go to AA. You just gotta be a normal person that happens to have a drinking problem (of course they do let those "fall-down" drunks in the door ).
You sound like you really want this to work. I wish you the very best and please ask for help if you need it.
Stac

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not so fed up

stac05
yeah i'm familiar with the white knuckling bit all too well...yes i am right now, i've had enough this week, and yes in the past it has led to failure after failure but, but my intent was not to stop then. If my body did not feel so exausted from drinking i'd probably continue but its like, its said "man! thats enough"...then i feel good and go back again...
i'm mentally trying to prep myself is all right now.
yeah i know we are all in the same boat funny it comforting to know..i'm sure you know what i mean.
This is my first attempt at outreaching......no its not going to dissapear over night i'm sure of it but little steps in the right direction is all i can hope for and being here in this forum helps, and i'm not just saying that ,even if its been a couple of days...
I feel releived getting it of my chest and in the open little by little until i can open up to those closest to me.

AA i have thought about, i'm still thinking about it.
I'd rather a one on one thing first with a counselor of some sort.....baring my soul infront of a group of strangers (who are there for the same reason weird i should feel odd) is a little overwhelming to me at this point...we will see.
liz

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not so fed up

Re: Duh!

bobbie
its not ONLY three days; its a great beggining..please hang in there
liz

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not so fed up

Re: Duh!

Hello all>
I've been monitoring this site for a few days, seeing if It can help me connect with my growing problem. It seems that my senario is not unique and perhaps this can provide me additional resolve to stop. This thing called alcoholism is a sly, incidious creature. It sneaks up on you. From one beer a night to drinking 8 - 12 beers in one evening non-stop. Once you realize it is a problem and you attempt to stop.... man it is so hard. I have attempted to stop maybe 20 or more times. I have purchased a 24 pack of beer, drank half of it in one night then vowed to end by porring the rest down the sink. A day later I buy a single can thinking it is just recreational. That quickly escalated over a 48 hour period to my prior level of consumption. It sickens me at how weak I have become. It sickens me at how this stuff has control over me.

So I've been monitoring this site to see if the program has merit in terms of the supplements and treatments it offers. If anyone can elaborate on how the supplements are supposed to work and if there are any adverse effects. But most of all, how effective they are.

I hopefully drank my last beer last night at 2:25 am. Unfortunately my wife bought a bottle (gallon) of red wine yesterday that is sitting in the closet. I am ashamed to tell her that I have this problem and should not have access to alcohol. Maybe i'll accidently knock it over and break the bottle. Anyway, keep on keeping on.

Thanks to all

Sprinter....

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not so fed up

First steps...

Hi all

Just reading these posts is making me feel a bit less ashamed at being unable to control how I drink. I have a docs appointment in an hour and was even thinking of cancelling it, but now i will go and try to explain my problem to her.

I have always thought that just because I am not a "crave a drink in the morning" type of drinker, that my problem wasn't really that serious. But more and more I am realising that I have a problem that is affecting me and others around me.

I am really tired of feeling sh*tty about myself the next day, missing work, letting peopple down, being embarassed at my behaviour and so on, and want to become a strong person who can drink moderately.

For me it seems to be certain situations that bring out the worst in me, as I can drink moderatley when I am alone with my boyfriend at home (mostly). This makes me think my drinking may have something to do with social anxiety..? (Though most people would say I was very outgoing)

It is helpful to know that I am not alone, and I want to wish everyone on the message board GOOD LUCK with their efforts to become moderate / teetotal.

I am just starting to deal with this and hopefully I will come out the other end a happier and healthier person!

R

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not so fed up

Re: Duh!

Thanks Liz, Stac I appreciate your advice, stories etc. I feel really good today. Taking all these supplements and no hangover. I like myself....and am enjoying life with a new perspective. I know I will get through these holidays without a hangover. I will not LET myself slip. Hopefully the book and the CD's come soon.
It amazes me how many of us have a 'problem' with this. I wonder how many people I know have the same thing going on. I am so happy I found this program.

bobbie

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not so fed up

Re: Duh

Hi English girl and sprinter
Theres HEAPS of us.. and the more I"m aware and sober now, I"m noticing more about people I know also!!!!

Yes, its insidious and I think there is a flavour of the fact that you get tired of it and then you start looking and find places like this. I love the non judgemental aspect of this board (I've never done a board before, ever) and the fact that we can have different approaches.

For me, it was very very hard to think of myself as an alcaholic cos I also didnt drink in the morning.. but I've realised, its easier to stop fighting that word and just get on with it cos I know in my heart that whatever I call it, thats what it is.. a mixed up relationship with the bottle.

I'd say the more of us that get on board with however/whatever it takes to get us sober, the better. And it will help us over xmas.. I tell you, I"m getting offered booze EVERY DAY at the moment and it DOES get easier..

Do you know yesterday (and I"m only at 7 weeks sober) I actually just said to someone.. I dont drink.. and they never offered me any more and I had my tonic water..

To think I'd see the day!!!!!!

Good luck
Brigid

PS Bobbie, hang in there.

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not so fed up

Re: Duh

Wow, to say "I don't drink" what an accomplishment. Congratulations! Way to go Brigid.
I know I won't drink for the next few days but when Christmas Day comes around I am going to have to be extra vigilant. I will really have to be careful.
I remember a few Christmases ago I got so drunk I wasn't able to stuff my kids stockings because I passed out. Luckily my husband did it for me. I sure beat myself up about that. Who wants a drunk mom? Anyway, there is no way that is happening this year or ever again. My kids were too young to know, but soon enough they will know if mommy gets drunk and I don't want that to happen.

Bobbie

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not so fed up

Re: Duh

Bobbie,
I reckon, make a pact with yourself that you wont have anything to drink at xmas. Imagine how you would feel afterwards having acomplished that.. you could tackle anything.

I'm going to make up tonic and lime cordial as my drink of choice for the day and I've bought some coctail thingos to go on my glass and sliced of lime to make it pretty.

Fancy joining me?
Brigid

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not so fed up

Re: Duh

Well I just finished reading through this chain of posts... what a great thread. I had abstained from alcohol for 49 days then yesterday I wanted to test the water. Although I have chose not to take the topamax, I have been taking the supplements and I guess I just wanted to see if by working the program I was able to stop. I ended up buying a can of beer (24oz.). I wanted to be by myself when I tested myself - If my husband knew I am sure he would flip a lid... However, the outcome was GREAT. I consumed half of the can, enjoyed the taste, and was completely satisfied. I ended up throwing the rest of the can away. Also I have not craved a drink today, nor have I thought about when I am going to test myself again. I do need to keep my drinking from my husband for awhile longer seems as how any mention of me drinking moderately is a trigger for him and he instantly associates this with me getting drunk again. This secrecy bothers me but I know that it is what must be done, at least for now. I have not had the same awakening that others have when they choose abstinenance. (according to my counseler) I in fact have been resenting my husband for making me choose abstinence and for being unwilling to entertain the idea of moderation which only leads to a life that I am not enjoying. I am glad that, because of this program, I was able to control my drinking. I did feel guilty but as someone on a different post said, it is that guilt that keeps us from pouring more.
Good luck to all who have just started. It is a great program. Keep it up.
Nickie

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not so fed up

Re: Duh!

he he yeah one would wonder how everyone here can function on the most part as a "normal person"
and recede into shadow with this dark secret.........
for all the new posts i certainley relate to what your expericening-feeling, Iso wish that this could end.
one step at a time,
however everyday when i'm ready to leave work driving straight home has to be the hardest part of my day...coz thats when all sh*t goes to h*ell.
how can i decide NOT to go to the liqor store.......
what will it take to get that feeling and thoughts out of my head so i can JUST GO HOME.........
man its deep......very deep under the surface to make that decision.....
cant stand that i just cant GO Home wiothout thinking about going to the store.!

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not so fed up

One Day Down

I find it somewhat therapeutic to come here to this posting after battling the urge to stop at the liquor store on the way home. It kind of re-affirms what I am (all of us r) trying to do. Reading the stories of everyones daily struggle and the stories of the ongoing successes is really helpful. Keep it up!

Sprinter