Hopeless and lost

[Frogzter]

Hi all, I am back once again as a failure and this time it really is over. I started this program a few months back, bought all the supp's. saw the Dr., got the topa, read the book, posted and read... My problem is follow through. I stayed sober for a few weeks and then it was off to the races again... to the pits of despair and self destruction.

I have finally done it this time, due to my drinking I have lost my husband and my 15 year old son has ran away from home. I am sitting here in tears defeated once again. I knew this would happen and yet I let it continue on.

I have been to AA, rehab (on numerous occasions), been on antabuse, you name it and I have been there to no avail. Any of you recall the words in AA that there are some people who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves? I believe I must be one of those persons. I have lost all my reasons for being. There is nothing to do now but give up with whatever grace and dignity I have left.... not that I have any.

I hope this helps someone out there not to be a pathetic fool as I am.

No hope here~

[time2change]

Hopeless and lost

Frogz
So sorry that you are feeling so low. I know this all seems overwhelming right now. There are many people here who have been in your shoes and who have turned their life around.
You said that you did stay sober for a few weeks. So you know that you can do it. You must not give up this fight. You must follow through. You must do this for yourself. I know how hard it seems, but you can do this. There are so many people here that will help you. Get out the book and read it again. You will not fail unless you stop trying. Please stick around and let us help you.

[Accountable for Me]

Hopeless and lost

Hi Froggie!

Please don't give up. Once you are honest with yourself and start working on yourself internally, things will be brighter.

Family can be very forgiving. Maybe go on the antabuse again; faithfully take it each morning; meanwhile looking at yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself you are worth a life of happiness!!

[Frogzter]

Hopeless and lost

Thanks for the replies as they do at least let me know that someone out there cares. I am hopelessly beaten right now. My 15 year old son has always been my baby and I cannot fathom life without him. My oldest son is a crack addict and roams from one jail/prison to another and now I wonder what direction my youngest will take and is all this my fault for being such a piss poor mother? I tend to think so and right now I just don't have the will to face another day. I am not going to hurt myself for I am even to chicken shit for that, but I will certainly hide out from the rest of the world and suffer in silence with tears of pain. It is what I deserve after all.

Thanks for being supportive...

Blessings to all,

Been there done that~

[vera-b]

Hopeless and lost

Hello Frogz,

I'm really at a loss here. Would love to give you kind words of advice or suggest a different path, but it would probably come off as blather. In church this morning the visiting pastor, who was referring to his annual trek to Kenya, suggested that sometimes the best thing we can do to help someone is to just sit and listen. I think I will follow his advice. Spill away.

V.

[time2change]

Hopeless and lost

I have to agree. We are here to listen and sometimes writting it helps you to feel better. It can only help to talk it all out so we will be here if you need or want people to listen.

[Lila]

Hopeless and lost

Hi Frogster
I have been wondering where you are! I am sorry things are tough for you right now. I think you should - as Vera says - spill. You may take with a grain of salt the 'incapable of being honest' bit. Please. How do they know that? Please keep posting and don't be so hard on yourself. Things will work out, I am positive.
Lila

[CS04]

Hopeless and lost

Frogzter,
I also was just thiking about you and was wondering how you were doing. I remember how positive your posts were! It may help you to go back and reread them. I have been stumbling too, after a few weeks of AF days, but am about ready to tackle it again. If your husband sees your resolve, then all may not be lost. We support you and know how hard it is. Maybe you and I can get back on track together!

[jessie]

Hopeless and lost

Hi Frogz,
I know the despair that you are feeling but please don't give up. That very same sentence in the AA book once brought me down as well, Take Tippex and delete that. It is an evil self fulfilling prophecy and was written long before good meds like Antabuse appeared on the scene. There is NOBODY that CANNOT be freed from the chains of alcohol addiction. That is a typical lie of the devil. I think your first step now is to commit yourself to taking your Antabuse and to get someone who will give it to you everyday. Can you do that? All is not lost and your son will come back - be there for him.
Hugs.
Jessie.

[tlrgs]

Hopeless and lost

well you were af once you can do it again and this time for good ..
work for what you want .. you can do this ..dont give up keep on trying
good luck

[karbihere]

Hopeless and lost

frogzter, I am in the same boat as you my seventeen year old son has ran away back to San Diego to smoke pot with his friends, I JUST got him back out of states custody on July 3 and he left on July 7 drew out all his money out of the bank which was supposed to be for his car etc. He will not call me I just give up he does not like me drunk or sober it appears. Did not like the rules ( which were very few )

on july 28 of last year we got into a verbal argument that turned physical and I ended up falling on him and accidently burnt him with my cig. and he turned me in for child abuse, I did 35 days in jail and now have a third degree felony on my record. I cannot find a good job with this and has made me very angry and hopeless/ as I sit here with 11 months of sobriety I have to give him to god and continue to work on myself and stay sober one day at a time, it surely is not easy. My depression is so bad all I can do all the time is cry and stay up all night thinking if he is ok, Keep going to AA ask god to help you become honest with yourself it will come when you are ready. And of course keep posting here ther is alot of people who care here.

[livingfree]

Hopeless and lost

frogzter-- The important thing is to never never give up trying. If I would have stopped trying at any one of my dozens of attempts ... I never would have found what I have now ... FREEDOM from AL !! One of these attempts it's going to happen. I honestly can't say with 100 % assurance what it was that made "this time" different for me except for the Grace of God!!

DO NOT GIVE UP

[Frogzter]

Hopeless and lost

I want to thank all of you who responded to this thread as you have helped me get through this day. Karbi, my heart is with you for I am in the same boat and I think my son has accessed his car fund as well to keep him afloat wherever he may be (which is not home with mom). So I feel for your predicament as I sit in the sinking boat with you trying to stay afloat.

To all of you my warmest thanks for making my day a little brighter by letting me hear from you. If I had stayed here where I belong in the first place, I may not be looking at a train coming from the light at the end of the tunnel.

But by the grace of God go I~

[LVT25]

Hopeless and lost

Dear Frogster--

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. It really is amazing the power AL can have over us! I've been on both sides of the fence. I was married to an alcoholic 25 years ago. After 4 years of marriage and a couple of rehabs I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't take the lies and deception. It was really hard to understand how he could continue to choose the drink over me. (Luckily we didn't have any kids together) And now here I am facing my own alcohol abuse. I'm a binge drinker, I can't seem to stop at 1 or 2, and I make really bad decisions when I drink--like getting in the car and driving. I recently lost a friend that made that tragic choice. Someone had taken her home even--but the evil AL bastard talked her into leaving again--this time she didn't make it home!
Anyway, please don't quit trying to quit! I'm sure you're a good person, if you weren't you wouldn't care so much! I agree with the others--try the antabuse again. What have you got to lose??
Take care.:h We care. :l

[allowingtoo]

Hopeless and lost

Frogzter - don't be so hard on yourself. There's got to be a pony in there somewhere

It reminded me of when they busted my daughter for smoking pot in high school. The principal called me in and said they had followed my daughter and her friends around for 3 months trying to catch them at it. I slammed my fist down on the desk and and said "And in 3 months it never occurred once to you to call the parents with your suspicions? That's it - I'm taking her out of public school." He confided to me that if he could he would do the same thing with his children.

Well we put her in private school (although we couldn't afford it) and she hated us for it - but eventually she went from being a small fish in a big pond to a big fish in a small pond and blossomed.

And the moral is....what we thought what the WORST possible thing that happened actually turned out to be one of the best possible things to happen to her.

One of my friends likens life to a quilt. She says when you view it up close to it - it's all bits and pieces and stitches and not very pretty. It's only when you view from far away that you can get perspective and see the beauty in it.

We're rooting for you to find the pony.