Today is the day....

[lizalaraine]

I start on the journey to quit drinking. For me to have to admit I have a drkinking problem is taking all my self worth to admit. There is such ironey in this for me as I have spent most of my adult life married to 2 alcoholic's and I also have 2 sons that are alcoholic. I have spent my entire adult life surrounded by alcoholics and I have always been able to control any social drinking I did. I was not raised in a family where there was ever alcohol so when I became involved with someone that drank it was a new experience for me. Over the years I could take it or leave it. Then as the years went by and it killed my 1st husband, after we had been divorced 9 years, then I married a 2nd alcoholic and have 2 sons that are alcoholics, 1 of which almost died 3 yrs ago at the age of 34 from seizures due to withdrawal - I find the joke is on me - I have become one but no one knows the extent to which I drink. I'm a sneaky drinker. It started a year or so ago....with my job, my kid's life issues, financial problems, plus the fact I'm a very co-dependant person...my nights of drinking started getting closser and closer. Currently, I can go 2 nights and not drink. I usually drink wine, maybe a little schnops (sp) on occasion and I only drink 1 bottle and if I need a little more my husband always has schnops around. My husband is gone all week so I don't have to account to him for my drinking during the week and on the weekend he doesn't care because he drinks. I get up every day and go to work. Do all the things a wife, mother and grandmother are suppose to do. But every day I get up after I have drunk the night before I always have this horrible guilt and swear - this is it....I have never had any legal issues and the people I know would be shocked if they knew this about me. Almost 3 yrs ago when my son had his situation - myself and another friend started an Alanon Group in our community....I quit going a year ago because I felt like a hypocrit and I was. I am actually well educated in alcoholism as I have spent years and years reading, researching and going to counseling to understand this disease that there is no discrimination on who it sucks the life out of. Alcohol has cost me so much all these years and now it has me.

I have to stop because I have health issues that this could gravely affect...ulcertive colities, Barrett's Exophagus, high BP and general aging issues, I'm 57. I love the way I feel if I go a day and don't drink...I will tell myself - you want to feel like this all the time? The part that I do and don't understand is...I will go a day or two and not drink and then I will be sitting at work and at some point I just start thinking about buying a bottle of wine on the way home...I feel good, I just want to relax, I really like the taste of it, no one will be home - then I will argue with myself and before I know it I stop on the way home and buy a bottle of wine and that is that for the night. It is like a force beyond my control has me and I buy it and drink it before I know what I've done. I would appreciate anyone sharing with me the tools they use. Yes, I know I should go to AA and I have looked at some AA meetings in distant towns. I pray and pray to God. I have started to take Kudzu. Thank you for listening and sharing.

[KBCE]

Today is the day....

lizalaraine;367276 wrote: I love the way I feel if I go a day and don't drink...I will tell myself - you want to feel like this all the time? The part that I do and don't understand is...I will go a day or two and not drink and then I will be sitting at work and at some point I just start thinking about buying a bottle of wine on the way home...I feel good, I just want to relax, I really like the taste of it, no one will be home - then I will argue with myself and before I know it I stop on the way home and buy a bottle of wine and that is that for the night. It is like a force beyond my control has me and I buy it and drink it before I know what I've done. I would appreciate anyone sharing with me the tools they use. Yes, I know I should go to AA and I have looked at some AA meetings in distant towns. I pray and pray to God. I have started to take Kudzu. Thank you for listening and sharing.

That part of your post is me! If I don't have it in teh house, I won't drink it (wine) although I have to admit that I had some beers this weekend...This is so hard, but if you keep posting and reading the book, you will be amazed teh support you have here. The people are wonderful. I have gone 2 weeks AF, then blew it. Just went 5 days and now I am back to day one, but I can't keep beating myself up. I need to keep trying. We all do. You can do this, I know it. We are here for you. :welcome:

[LVT25]

Today is the day....

Hi Liz,

:welcome:

This forum is based on the book "My Way Out". Have you read it? That's where I suggest you start. It can be downloaded or purchased. Roberta Jewell does a great job of outlining the program and the tools that help to be successful and stopping the madness.
The tools include supplements, meds for some, exercise and this forum for support. The kudzu is a great start. It also requires a strong desire to quit drinking (or moderate) and a change in daily habits. A lot of people come here during the "witching hour" to break that habit of drinking. Put something else in that wine glass. Ice water with lemon is a good choice. Go for a walk. Just don't stop at the store on the way home from work. It does get easier as time goes on.
Hope you stay with us!

[WaitingToExhale]

Today is the day....

Welcome Liz!

It's a tough nut to crack, but being here is a great first step. I also can relate to so much you have said. That damn tiny voice that steers the car to the store stop.

Hang here with us. I know when I stop reading and posting here is when I slip again.

Not sure how I'm going to make it 7 days camping without a connection here. Yikes. But we CAN do this together and being able to admit to yourself that AL has become a "problem" is one of the toughest steps to take ... and you've DONE IT! So congrats.

[southernbelle47]

Today is the day....

Hi Lisa
:welcome: to My Way Out.
:goodjob:On telling your story.
You are not alone here.
Many of us have much the same story.
You are around the same age as I am.
The health issues do sneak up , don't they?

Somewhere deep down inside of you is the power to stop the drinking.
You will find many tools here to help yiou discover that power.
The book and supps and cd's are a good place to start.
The people here are loving and we do understand how you feel. We all made that 1st post!
I've been going to the gym three days a week and doing H2o classes with other women near our age and older.
I think that has helped me as much as anything....that is besides prayer!
Don't go home and sit alone after work....find something to do... Walk or do a class and don't forget the feed yourself good food.
:l
Nancy

[tlrgs]

Today is the day....

:hello2::colorwelcome::wave::groupluv:

[startingover]

Today is the day....

I can so relate to many of the things you said in your post. Especially about that bottle of wine that keeps calling after work, during work and just because. I know how hard it is to admit that it has become more than social drinking and the guilt that goes with it. My father was an alcoholic and I swore that would be the last thing that I became. I am very new to this (13 days) but my main tool is here. Reading posts, gaining insight and inspiration and support of which there is bucket loads. I have ordered the book and I am taking Lglutamine and vitamin b complex, trying to eat well and often and walking alot.
I wish you well on your journey. You have taken the biggest step. Let these people help you.

[lizalaraine]

Today is the day....

Thank you to all who have replyed to me. I am going to get the book My Way Out and keep coming to this site several times a day. Just having others with the same issues to "talk" to is great. You feel like you are alone in this but even though I know I'm not alone coming here will give me needed strength to battle this deamon.

[vera-b]

Today is the day....

Welcome Liza,

All good advice here. Yes, the book is the best place to start. Also, when you have the time, read through some of the old posts (just go to a category, then go back to some of the earlier posts) and do some reading. When I started out, didn't know how to do that - now check them out regularly. This place is a lifeline for all of us. No one else really understands what we problem drinkers go through. But, we are not powerless or hopeless, so our goal is to get that old beast AL from controlling our lives. Good luck - hope to hear from you!

V.