no one knows how much I drink!

[CS04]

no one knows how much I drink!

Mickey,
Welcome. The shame is awful, isn't it. I have been at this for awhile, stumbling, but ready to try again -- and though it is hard sometimes to talk to those who are closest to us, I think it is easier to be successful if those at home (spouse) are on board and aware aas much as possible of what we are going thru. In fact tonight i plan on having yet another conversation with my husband about needing to get back on track.

As far as AA, I have tried it before in the past and not really liked it/didn't really work. But today I went, asked the leader for a phone #, I called her and she called me back, and was very encouraging about meeting me at a meeting if I want to. Not sure what I'll do, but I know I need to take further steps. So it was not humiliating -- I didn't have to talk, I didn't say "I'm an alcoholic" (just can't go there), I just said hello when people introduced themselves. So, while I am not sure that it's the approach for me, it was not humilating.

Keep asking questions. MWO has many, many wonerful, intelligent and supportive people. It's a good thing.

[vera-b]

no one knows how much I drink!

Welcome Mickey,

That's the sad irony of MWO - we learn that there are SO MANY of us! When I first found this site, I was astounded after reading RJ's story because it sounded so much like me. When she went to her friend's for dinner, her head was figuring out how to score another drink. I thought wow, I'm not the only one whose mind is constantly thinking about drinking.

As others have advised, I'd download or buy (I'm old fashioned - I like it bound and in my hot little hand) RJ's book. You might want to also read DeeBee's thread, also in this category, on reading RJ's book if you haven't already. Many of us think the program is essential to our success in controlling the place of booze in our lives. I've personally found the cd's to be invaluable. The people on this site are awesome, and beat a drunken sleep anytime. Surprising the world didn't slow down on its axis around 8:30 PM each night when all of us passed out! Good luck to you.

V.

[Chelle12]

no one knows how much I drink!

Hiya, just wanted to contribute to this thread.
I can relate to the 'being functional' yet passing out most nights.
I seem to spend my life either being hungover, or being p****d! Either way, somehow I STILL manage to get the dinner done...however housework has certainly taken a battering recently. I used to love baking and I hardly do that anymore. The last cake I made, I actually burnt, cos I was too busy trying to remember where Id hidden my wine stash from my son and partner...
Ended up using the cake as 'sponge and custard' cos it looked bloody awful.

I hate what Im doing to myself, but really appreciate coming here everyyday to check posts and see how other people are coping.

Lots of Love and Hugs,

Chelle

[tedsmom]

no one knows how much I drink!

Wow, NT Central, That's familiar. I went to AA for 7 years and had two (healthy) children during that time. I can't handle the sad sack attitudes and the SMOKE and horrible coffee there. Then I was treated for depression during that time (I weighed about 92 lbs.) and was medicated for that for 4 years. I began to feel "normal" again and thought I could drink. So, 14 yrs. later, here I am again. I still function fine, and look pretty good, but I feel horrible all the time. My kids are grown, and I know are resentful of all the time I gave to alcohol that should have been theirs. I think it's time to clean up my act, which is what brings me here. Good luck to all of you, and me too.

[savon19]

no one knows how much I drink!

What jumped out at me...

was your saying that you arrive home drunk (but functional). That would mean you are driving... drunk (unless you walk to work??).

I had DUI over 10 yrs ago, and it was humilating and horrible. No one wants to go through that... And I know I've driven impaired many times before that, just didn't get caught. Felt I was a Good driver, even if drunk (??). Thing is, even if you do drive well, doesn't mean others do, and if you're in an accident (even if not your fault) and alcohol is detected... well, you just don't want to risk that.

And that you have a Fantastic husband and children ----- you are extremely lucky (speaking as a single woman w/no children). Please don't jeopardize that.

AL isn't worth that!!

(Today's AF Day #1 for me... again.)

[nowandzen11]

no one knows how much I drink!

Welcome Micky

You are not alone. Believe me. I am living 3000 miles away from home. Moved here after Hurricane Katrina. My new friends (most of them) don't know how much I drink. I think one of my friends has an idea but I am embarrassed.

I am working hard to become AF. Stay on this forum. It is helping me tremendously.

Know that you can always come here and be safe. I feel so secure here and will keep fighting with the encouragement of MWO friends. It is very lonely to do this alone but you don't have to. Come here often.

Love
n/z

[aceofbase]

no one knows how much I drink!

I do...

I know what you are saying...you are not alone....there is help here for you. If you can find it, read my post about "sad but hopeful". Thinking about you and wishing you success.

Ace

[SKendall]

no one knows how much I drink!

Hi Mickey and welcome! I don't think we fool many people by "secret drinking" that's part of the problem, we really think we are masters at hiding.

I would really encourage you to do the supplements and the cd's - arm yourself for a worthy battle.

Although your kids may not be able to guess, they know "something is wrong" when we/you are "unavailable" them.

Climb on board.