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    #1

    Kind of a downer message, but...

    I've been reading (posting some responses) this morning, and it occurred to me that there is such a thing as TOO LATE.

    I don't mean that it's ever too late to quit drinking, but it can be too late for relationship(s) with others.

    My boyfriend died suddenly about a month ago. He begged me to stop drinking - it was ruining our relationship, but I wouldn't stop!! Now I'm becoming AF, but he'll never know.

    Someone titled their post, "The train stopped." My bf & I had this thing about the "love train" that we we were on... That title made me SO sad. It's like the train stopped and he got off.

    He actually left (and I agreed!) the day he died. I truly thought it would just be a temporary separation and that we would get back together. But would I have really stopped drinking even then? Did it take him dying to make me stop??

    What a reality check. I pray none of you ever have to go through anything like it.

    I know I will never meet anyone like him again. And I blew it.
    Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin
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    #2
    Kind of a downer message, but...

    I'm so sorry Savon, that's got to be really hard. But I think he DOES know you're becoming af. Try to use this in a positive way to keep you going. His spirit will always be with you, it may take time to realize this.
    Hugs and prayers.:l:l:h
    _______________
    NF since June 1, 2008
    AF since September 28, 2008
    DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
    _____________
    :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
    5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
    _______________
    The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

    Comment

      #3
      Kind of a downer message, but...

      Savon, I am sorry to hear of your loss and the pain that you are going through.

      Perhaps this can be a time of reflection for you, as I don't think that you 'blew it'. You're drinking certainly caused problems between your boyfriend and you, but that isn't the reason that he died. It is hard to accept the sudden loss of anyone, regardless of the reason, but you got the double-whammy of breaking up and then losing him permanently.

      I won't pretend to know what you are going through so I will leave it there. If you can, try to give yourself a little break from beating yourself up. As painful as this loss is, maybe some good can come out of it in the end if you are able to stop drinking. Would seem to be a fitting tribute to what he meant to you.....

      Take care of yourself.
      Sobriety Date: June 15, 2007 -- "It's not having what you want, It's wanting what you've got...."

      Comment

        #4
        Kind of a downer message, but...

        Savon, I am so sorry for your loss. As someone posted above, your boyfriend knows what you are doing now and I truly believe will be helping you every step of the way from the other side. Things happen for a reason and some of those things are maddening and seem like they will destroy us, but as we go along the journey we can see some of the reasons. Good luck and know that he is proud of you for what you are doing.

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          #5
          Kind of a downer message, but...

          I really didn't think it would be possible for anyone to say anything to make me feel the least bit better... But, somehow, you all did!

          There really is something magical about this site. I think sometimes that angels must be responding...

          Thank you for taking the time... it meant a lot.
          Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin

          Comment

            #6
            Kind of a downer message, but...

            I am sooo sorry hun for the pain you must be going through and for your loss but let me tell you, he is watching you and he'll be soo proud of you!!! *BIG HUG*

            Comment

              #7
              Kind of a downer message, but...

              Savon,

              I am so very sorry to hear your news. I can't imagine what you are going through at the moment. Just know that your boyfriend will be with you in spirit every step of the way. Never doubt that.
              Take care
              Startingover x
              Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
              Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

              Comment

                #8
                Kind of a downer message, but...

                Dear Savon
                I am so sorry about what you are going through. My former boyfriend died of a drug overdose when I was in Rehab. I could not understand why I was saved, and he was not. I was actually saved by ending up in jail for fighting with him. I guess some things are just beyond our understanding. You are doing great!! Hang in there and please let us know how u are doing. We are here for you.:l
                "Decide-Which Voice in Your Head you Can Keep Alive" (Shinedown)

                Comment

                  #9
                  Kind of a downer message, but...

                  Savon, Thankyou for sharing. I too am so sorry for you loss. I too also believe that he knows you are working on being AF. Anyway just wanted to join in the :groupluv::hug:

                  Your being here shows your true spirit and strength of character, which you should be proud of, we are.
                  workout:chick:mwo2

                  It's my world to make now...cuz I found my way out.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Kind of a downer message, but...

                    Hi Savon,

                    All wonderful comments. We're mere mortals - can't figure out our own lives half the time let alone why things work, or don't, in the universe. But what a wonderful gift to yourself and his memory: a clear-headed and sober Savon! Perhaps in the clarity of hindsight some things will make sense to you; but in the meantime, know that all of us who couldn't break up with the bottle (before now) feel your pain as if it were our own. God bless you on your new life journey.

                    V.

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