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    #1

    *Crying*

    I'm sitting here, crying my eyes out.
    I totally let myself down and i let everyone on this site down which hurts so much. I drunk today. I couldn't stop the craving. I was pulling my hair out. I'm so sorry to everyone. I was sooo proud the other day when i managed not to drink when my husbands bbq was on yet today i messed up.
    I am really sorry.
    i went to the doctors yesterday. Me and my doctor are really close, he's great! I told him everything. He knew i was struggling with drink over a year ago but he didn't know this much. I have bad post natal-depression (i'll post something on that after this) and i asked him if there was anything i could do for craving... He told me NO. Nothing helps, you have to deal with it. I mentioned kudzu rescue and he said you just have to bite you lip and go cold turkey. To be honest, i can't do it. That may be the reason for my drinking tonight. I guess there is no help for me BUT this program. I got the book today and i've already startered to read it.
    I feel like such a loser and i'm sorry for everyone who has supported me. I'm so grateful but sorry i let you all down :upset:
    Tags: None
    #2
    *Crying*

    Oh hun,

    Don't be so hard on yourself. I know you feel like you let everyone down. It's a struggle. We all struggle. That's why we are all here. It's hard.

    You are here. You are trying. You ordered the book. You are posting. You are asking for help. Do you know what that tells me? That tells me that you are trying to help yourself. Which means that you only think you let yourself down. So you fell, so what? We all fall while we try. But you know what? We get up, we dust ourselves off and we try again. And you have us all here to help and support you. So don't think you let us down.

    Cry, get out the tears. Sometimes shedding some good tears makes us feel better. Trust me, I shed a few myself the past couple of days. Dust yourself off. You're going to be just fine.

    Love and hugs,
    Uni
    Every day is a day to start over and remember that I am powerless over my addiction. I will no longer give the BEAST any power over me - he can go straight to hell.
    :h

    Comment

      #3
      *Crying*

      Hey, LM, it isn't really a matter of letting us down here (at least I don't think so)... but a question of what to do next that will help you get where you want to go? Obviously this doc you are working with is not competent to treat alcohol dependence. Most of them aren't. Just because he is a physician and a nice guy does NOT mean he has any clue what he is talking about in this area!

      Great that you are reading the MWO book.

      Why not consider antabuse just to get yourself a month or so AF under your belt, then see where you are? You can spend the month using the hypno discs, exercising, using the supps, and getting your head clear to get ready to plan for the next step...

      best wishes,

      wip

      Comment

        #4
        *Crying*

        Oh honey....you will be okay. This is such a hard fight, and if you are suffering from Post Natal; you are really going through a lot of hell. Please see your doctor about something for the depression; this probably will help. When you feel so low it's really hard to pick yourself back up again. We all mess up, the important thing is that we know that's just what it is...a glitch. Try not to be so hard on yourself; I know it's easier said then done, you are by no means a loser and we will always be here to support you. Try drinking some water and maybe get some protein into you; that always helps. ((Big hugs to you))

        Comment

          #5
          *Crying*

          Post-natal/post-partum depression

          I was fine after my son was born. But I knew I would get wiggy when I went back to work, when he was about 5 months old. Then I really crashed this past spring into deep depression. He was about 19 months old at the time. So it's not post partum, but it's something. I feel like juggling several part-time jobs, house, hubby, then having a baby at 40 put me over the edge, but it took a while to hit me. I'm now 42 and still really struggling with all of it, including finances in the toilet.

          At any rate, I know how you feel about letting people down, but it's OK. It is so hard. I should take my own advice! I am having a really rough month of July but almost to ready to climb back on board for Aug.

          Comment

            #6
            *Crying*

            Dont be hard on yourself. I am going through the early stage of withdrawl right now. I had no idea it would be anything like this. I can only imagine how hard it will become but you have had a better start and will be fine with that kind of passion to fuel you.

            Comment

              #7
              *Crying*

              CS04;371427 wrote: I was fine after my son was born. But I knew I would get wiggy when I went back to work, when he was about 5 months old. Then I really crashed this past spring into deep depression. He was about 19 months old at the time. So it's not post partum, but it's something. I feel like juggling several part-time jobs, house, hubby, then having a baby at 40 put me over the edge, but it took a while to hit me. I'm now 42 and still really struggling with all of it, including finances in the toilet.
              You can still suffer from Post Natal up to two years after giving birth...it may be something to look into.

              Comment

                #8
                *Crying*

                Hi LIL, it's good you have the book. Yeah don't be so hard on yourself. it takes time to change.
                when you start taking supp. you will feel better and you know I have been raving about the Kudzu. it really has worked for me. I think it would be worth a try. It's not main stream medicine so doctor probably won't know too much about it. take care don't worry about so much just take it slow and calm down sweetie you are going to be OK.

                GOD BLESS

                Comment

                  #9
                  *Crying*

                  You are here, and that's what matters. It means that you still want it. I have been the Queen of Relapse over the past 9 years. The longest stretch I had was A year and a half, but I had lots of support. I just have to take things one day at a time. Don't know much about PND, sorry, I am doing Menopause. lol. Pick yourself back up and start over. You can do it!! It is Never Too Late to start again. We are here for you. Please let us know how u r doing.:l
                  "Decide-Which Voice in Your Head you Can Keep Alive" (Shinedown)

                  Comment

                    #10
                    *Crying*

                    yikes you com to the rt spot,you didnt let me down,gees nor yourslf,your here so your workin this program,its when u end up on the street,good luck then,as far as your doctor,my opinion if he is your freind he s not doin you justice,if you cold turkey and drink a lot you can stroke out,heart attack, seisures and many more things ,so id get a second opinion, some just cant stop,or stay stopped thts y thiis place is unique,were here for ya gyco

                    Comment

                      #11
                      *Crying*

                      Hi lilM,

                      Don't worry - we've all been where you more times than most of us care to admit. But we're here, right? As to your Dr., I agree that perhaps he/she isn't the best qualified for dependence issues. However, if that Dr. is the one you want to stay with, check out some of RJ's research and share it with the Dr. This in an evolving field and many doctors are just not up on the latest. Also, the craving-control properties of some of the supplements are not as widely embraced by the main stream medical field. One thing I totally disagree with your Dr., however, is that there is nothing that can be done but buck up and quit. That's just asking too much of we mere mortals.

                      Read the book, start the program, and please stay with us. You can learn from your failures, not be buried by them. We're all behind you.

                      V.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        *Crying*

                        Hey there LIL-
                        How are you doing? I hope you are feeling a little better. You know everyone here is thinking about you.
                        My two cents is to find another doctor. You don't even have to tell your current doctor. You don't even have to tell the new doctor that you have another doctor. You're in charge. I know there is something better for you other than a "cold turkey" comment. That makes me upset.
                        Keep us posted, please....
                        **aclassicgirl

                        Comment

                          #13
                          *Crying*

                          Hey Michelle,
                          Don't beat yourself up, that doesn't help at all. We are here for support--just don't quit trying to quit!! It is a learning experience. Just keep trying, you can do this!!:h
                          Read your book, get the supps, and maybe find a new doctor!
                          _______________
                          NF since June 1, 2008
                          AF since September 28, 2008
                          DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
                          _____________
                          :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
                          5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
                          _______________
                          The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

                          Comment

                            #14
                            *Crying*

                            Hi Michelle,

                            I know how hard it is, and I also understand the feeling as a "loser" or "failure" as I had before. But I take the advice from people here for not thinking ourself as it. I found out it's hard to forgive ourself, but I think the first step if we want change ourself we must forgive ourself and believe that we can be better step by step.

                            It's only my opinion, I hope it can help you a bit. Don't forget that you always can get a lot of support here and you also give us your support here. :l

                            Comment

                              #15
                              *Crying*

                              Dont be upset.

                              Youve not let anyone down, just pick yourself up n have another go, Rome wasnt built in a day.

                              Everyone understands, we will / have all had hiccups, I guess its part of the process.

                              Be strong, you'll get there.

                              SP

                              Comment

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