frustrated

[Guest]

Hopefully someone can give me some encouragement. I was doing pretty well on the supplements, hypno and exersize (although a recent back injury has slowed that down a little) I just got the topa 4 days ago and had 2 pretty bad days on Sunday and Monday. I think what I was trying to do was "test" the topa out by having a drink and then seeing if I wanted more, which I did. I guess I was hoping it would be a "magic pill" that would make me not think about drinking at all. As a result, I had way more than I wanted. On Halloween (a traditional "party" nite for me) I also had way more than planned. That was also a result of a fight with my husband who is a controller, which has always been a trigger for me. I got discouraged, embarrased, ashamed, etc. I was almost too ashamed to reach out through this message board. But then I figured that if anyone would understand, the people here would. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get drinking or how not to drink off of your mind. Does it start leaving your mind the longer you can last without drinking, or are you always thinking about it? Many thanks, Marta|

[Guest]

frustrated

Frustrated

I understand your frustration. I feel like I've let myself down a couple of times since starting this program too. A couple of (almost) random thoughts about it:

-- It helps to take some time and remember why you are doing this. To sort of "recommit" yourself to the process, no matter what it takes. Decide that this IS going to work for you, and that you'll stick it out. "Don't give up if you slip up."

-- I think the meds, supplements and hypno definitely help, but we are so used to thinking about drinking that it takes a while to retrain ourselves. It can help to distract yourself with other activities during times you know you'll be tempted to indulge. Plan to see a movie with a friend. Go for a bike ride or a walk. Start a project. Get a new hobby. Anyway we have to find ways to fill our time that used to be filled by drinking. It's important NOT to isolate.... that is one of our tendencies as problem drinkers, and it only makes matters worse. Three things that I have found helpful: 1. Being around other (sober!) people. 2. Talking about it. 3. Physical activity.

And kudos to you for coming online and sharing how you feel. Many of us have been there and know how frustrating it is. Hang in there, and good luck to you.

Mike

[Guest]

frustrated

Re: Frustrated

Mike - Thanks so much for your reply - I will recommit. I think part of my problem is that I am a stay at home mom with a minimal part time job. I don't like the duties associated with housework and I don't do them well. I'm at home during the most tempting hours (5 - 8pm) for me to drink ( I drink alone secretly) I figure I have to either find something to do that I love so much that it will take my mind off drinking or, find a way to start enjoying the mundane tasks associated with housework. Or, a combination of the two. So far though, there's nothing that I really love. I'm so glad I can come here and not feel judged! Thank you all - Marta

[Guest]

frustrated

Marta,

While I can't improve on Mike's good suggestions, I'd just like to offer a few words of encouragement for you. I can tell from your posts that you're a very thoughtful, bright person and you deserve to be the person that you want to be.

You said something in your last post about finding alternative replacements for drinking that I think lots of us can relate to and it was: "there's nothing that I really love".

I used to have a yellow lab who was passionate about tennis balls and would actually envy him, wishing that I had something in my life that could fill me with the same mad, driven devotion and energy.

Later, a large, gentle, mellow dog came into my life. This guy loves to lie on the deck and stare at the mountains...can do it for hours. Since he's not an antic dog, there's no display of passion as there was with the retriever...no outward signs to tell me that his happiness meter is registering 100%.

This makes me wonder about human beings. Does the marathon runner have something she loves more than the woman who meditates? Do we think the person who's working on a cure for cancer loves what he's doing more than the guy who's tutoring kids in a reading program? Do we make unfair judgments about such things?

So what I'm asking you is this: when you say there's nothing that you really love.... do you really mean that? Or is it that society, or your husband, or all the messages that you've received over the years from family, friends, movies, TV, suggest that you what you love isn't important or significant enough?

I bet if you sat down and made a list of all the things you love, you'd have a long, long list. I'm guessing that you've been underestimating yourself because I sense you're really a powerful human being.

So make that list...after all, it'll keep you busy at 5:00 pm. Your list will start with the usual things, but keep going until you're putting down all kinds things...cantalopes, seashells, zebras. Sit on it for awhile and then when you look it over see what jumps out at you. Maybe it's "zebras". Does your city have a zoo? Did you know that zoos have docents that lead people on tours? If you take the docent training program you'll learn tons about animals and meet other people with the same interests....and so on and so on...and somewhere along the line you'll find yourself saying "I love this".

Carmen

[Guest]

frustrated

Carmen - What great insight. You are so right. I think I have been beaten down over the years to feel insignificant and the things that I do are insignificant. I will start putting that list together right away. I've thought of a few things to put on it already. Thanks again!

[Guest]

frustrated

Marta,

I know you said that you just got the topamax, but how long have you been following the other aspects of the program? Slow down a bit...relax...breathe..

My goodness, we all slip up...many times, actually. The point is, to look forward and keep moving on. And know this, I "tested" the topamax a little further out than you. I think I was actually at 75 mg. I split a bottle of wine with my husband, but I had a bit of a feeling I wanted more. The other night at a restaurant (I am up to 300 mg), I had a glass of wine and absolutely wanted no more. Last night, I was driving home from somewhere and I was thinking Hmmmm a glass of wine sounds good to have with dinner tonight after our son goes trick or treating. And I thought, No, I'm too tired to run into the store to pick up a bottle of wine before I go home. My point is, two months ago, THERE IS NO WAY I WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO TIRED TO STOP AT THE STORE TO PICK UP A BOTTLE OF WINE. And it will happen for you, too. Just be patient.

And the thoughts, go, too. I know the thoughts. But somehow, at least mine have...(actually that would be an interesting posting) I don't think I NEED A DRINK anytime something bad happens now. I don't know why. That's why I really think the topamax is necessary for the program. I think the temporal lobe wiring really matters.

But hang in there, friend. We're all here for you.

Jen

[Guest]

frustrated

Love

Wow, Carmen840,
Your post has actually left me with tears in my eyes. What you have written is something very beautiful. I think for many, this trip is about finding out "who we are". A tennis ball or a relaxing spot in the sun? So well said. Thank you.
Mitch