starting over?

[Guest]

I think I may have had a set back. I am technically through with the program. However I spent the last 4 weeks in my home town which, of course, is where all of my old drinkin' buddies live. Now personally I feel like I did a realitively good job while I was "home". The problem was more that I was inconsistant in taking my vitimans and topamax. And even though I did get some exercise, it was not the amount that I had been used to and I wasn't eating properly. Not to mention that the trip was emotionally stressfully on many differrent levels. Some of which could be life altering. I've returned to where I live now for about a week. Ever since being back I've found that I actually WANT to have a drink. That is something I haven't experienced in sometime. Part of that is depression I believe. I haven't been listening to my CD's and I know that would help. I find myself wanting to sleep all the time. And even though I haven't been over drinkning (a glass of wine with dinner or a beer) it's that WANT that scares me. Anyway, I've decided to continue on with the program for another 2 weeks. I know I've got to get off my lazy butt and get back into the gym. I'm just having some difficulty right now. Don't know if anyone else has gone through this after they have finished the program.

dmcdesigns

[Guest]

starting over?

How you're feeling..

Hi DMC,
First off, I want to congratulate you because you have identified what's going on in your body and your head and have decided to continue on with the program. To me, that's a sign that you have definitely gotten control over your drinking. Before, you would have just reached for a drink, right? Now, you're analyzing the WHY and not just blindly drinking yourself into oblivion.

As you say, you may be going through a bout of depression, or just the complete change in the atmosphere that you've just experienced has maybe triggered emotions that were hidden away and given you reasons to get those cravings again. Remember what we've all said to ourselves and to each other over and over again on this site : this disease is very sly : you think you've got it licked, then all of the sudden it rears its ugly.. yet seductive.. head and tries to tempt you once again.

Don't know what's going on with you, but I think you're in a good state to be able to reach into yourself and pull out the answers, without giving in to the dreaded cravings. Analyse the situation, get outside help if you need it, and like you said, go sweat in the gym.. it will only make you feel better, not worse, like the booze will.

Let us all know how you're doing and know that we're here listening and rooting for you too. It's great that you've come back to give us your experiences, as a "veteran." Keep fighting this sucker down, ok?

[Guest]

starting over?

Re: How you're feeling..

USAnne, I agree with you...what you said helps me too!
Thank you, Sunny

[Guest]

starting over?

feeling better

USAnne,
Thanks for the kind words of support. I did go back to the gym and I've been listening to my cd's again. Both are a big help right now. The cd's seem to be, for me anyway, a good stabilizer. I listened to the clearing cd last night and I felt much calmer and more focused this morning. I'm trying to stay busy, productive and inspired while waiting out other aspects of my life that I have no control over right now. Thank you again, you can't imagine how much of a help you were.
dmc

[tigidoo]

starting over?

Well Im a dumb rerunner I went into rehab about twenty years ago and stayed sucessfully sober for 12 whole years...then my life went from bad to worse after I got married and I started drinking again 6 years ago...I have done so many stupid things in that 6 years that I could kick myself for. My expartner just got arrested this weekend past for DUI he has been drinking far longer than me and is in much deeper right now...somehow what happened to him has hit me really hard and I want so badly to stop and the last 2 nights havent had anything and the withdrawal symptons at night are unreal but it's making me mad enough to keep pushing...and Im finding it much harder the second time around to quit than it was the first...I think the thing that keeps crushing me is that I feel so utterly alone...Im trying to be strong for him to get him into treatment because there just is noone else especially since he has lost his license and we both live in the country..meanwhile Im trying to hold it together and get help on the side for myself...does that sound crazy or what??!!

[tigidoo]

starting over?

I have no idea how this works

I have no idea where this is going to end up I have never done this before..but I am trying to quit again after being sober to 12 yrs and starting up again 6 years ago...I am finding it much harder to quit this time than the first time. I feel utterly alone probably because I am the only frnd I pretty much have left is my chroniclly alcoholic ex boyfrnd who has just arrested and charged with dui...people from the outside have always seen me as strong, talented and capable...but noone ever gets close enuf to see how I feel the total opposite. I have helped so many people in so many ways in my private business until I felt totally overwhelmed with the demand and I closed it...and surprisingly enough never heard another word from the hundreds for clients/frnds. That's pretty much how its always been. So, now Im trying to get sober...Im glad I found this sight and the book Im going to try to access it if I can.