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[gyco]

Getting to know each, please read and reply

hi michelle,yes amazing youve survived,and yes children are precious,i have 4 grown,im a 55 year old male,there 28,26,23, and 19 ,2 girls then boys,but like you i have an amazing wife,of 32 years this year,as far as your drinkin ,we as humans,seem to follow in our parents or forfathhers foot prints,you seem to have a handle on it,a bottle of wine a night can lead up to worse drinking,as you get older you lose your tolerance,i like you suffer or suffered from a form of depression,PANIC ATTACKS,everything was well till they entered my life at 45,its been a battle and a mis fortune,but my drinkin over the years brot that on,this site has a lot of knowledge,use the people and listen,trust me you wont stop for the child, and definately not for your wonderful husband keep comin here and by the way ,you seem like a wondeerful person gyco

[Guest]

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I am 38 with 4 kids and a partner of 11. I returned from england (leeds) in a right state 12 years ago from all the speed and other stuff I was taking and discovered I was pregnant for the second time. I decided then to clean up my act which I did somewhat, except after my daughter was born I started boozeing. I am I suppose a functioning alckie , I dont drink in the mornings , I dont really get blackouts anymore ,though I went through that stage,but im sick of how much time thinking about alcohol takes up in my head! The will I tonight or wont I drives me nuts! I love my kids and partner ,dont know why hes still here ,hes quiet ,im a bit nuts!! Im getting things together now ,about to start my 3rd year with open uni studying towords a psychology /social science degree. I learnt how to drive and passed my test this year and I feel my unhealthy relationship with the booze is the last bit of the negative past I need to shake off in order to evolve as the real me! I have been drowing myself since I returned from england and im determined to stop. When I qualify I want to work in something like drug rehab or something where I feel I can be of help. Thats about it!

[hippie37]

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wanderer;374637 wrote: Hi all
First Post!
I'm a 22 year old male from australia suffering severe alcoholism. Been drinking since 14 and first realised I was an alcholic when 17. I have drank most days of the week since my 8 years of alchol abuse started. On average I drink 1 bottle of vodka a day, maybe 2 on a bad day. I Have managed 2 periods of abstinence both for 5 weeks. I know it doesn't sound like much compared to some of you guys and girls that have abstained for impressive amounts of time but for me 5 weeks is a mammoth effort. I am at the point in my life where my drinking has to stop or my doctor predicts I will be dead between thirty and forty. I have just been realised from hospital after a bit of A scare of an overdose on prescription drugs and alchol poisining so I am pretty shaky and incoherant at the moment. the only choices I have now are to give up now or dye a young and unfufilled life. Enough of the deppressing stuff. I am starting to see light at the tunnel. I am booked into rehab and I have amazing freinds and mother and father (who happens to be a doctor) who are all extremely supportive of me. I am still young and hopefully obtained some of my brain cells. I am passionate about aerosoul art and cooking and hopefully make a career out of cooking when I recover. Just to leave on a positive note just because you have an alcohol dependence doesnt't make you a bad person Its easy to tell by all the kindness, support and inspiration you wonderfull people are offering eachother. Try to stay happy and healthy all and I wish everyone the best with there struggles!

wanderer you sound particularly 'coherent' and mature for you're age. Like you say we're not bad people because of our alcoholism or dependency; maybe a little lost in our direction. I was only reading a few months back about an 18yr old girl here in the UK who was the youngest ever to suffer with liver failure due to her drinking which started aged 14. As you well know alcoholics come from all walks of life and all ages and it's good to see someone you're age taking action. Good luck with the rehab and keep us informed of your progress.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[michou]

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michou

HI Michelle:

I managed 2 days without a drink but yesterday I had to have something just to calm me down and today I don't know. When i see my husband being so sick, i go upstairs and find the wine in the closet. So don't feel so bad about yourself as we are all in the same boat, I will try monday again, as they say monday is usually a good day to start anything..Take Care...Michou

[Boss.man]

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I'm 47 and a real business owner. I've run a small software company for 20 years (which is a very long time in high tech). While my "two-bit" operation will never be famous, I've been proud to give careers and long term incomes to employees and their families.

I have great sympathy with the policeman. When people talk of alcohol as a sedative for panic attacks, they usually mean panic attacks which are not real. What about when your panic attacks are real? Like you have $35k in payroll the next day and only $20k in the bank account, knowing your employees checks are going to blow sky high. Try laying down and going to gentle sleep with something like that on your mind! In 20 years of business I've been sued, audited, had a 50% staff layoff, and more.

Some time ago I had an employee who I decided had an anger management problem. Like he was going to "go postal". We all see that on TV, and even my spouse says "the employer should have just fired him before he blew his top". Yeah right! I'm the employer, and had to figure out how to move this individual on without risking my own life and the lives of my staff. Would you call that an "anxiety attack"?

A couple glasses of booze to calm my mind and help my sleep has been so handy. It became a lifetime crutch more than 10 years ago. Until now, I've sometimes go a day without a drink, as a dare to myself, but rarely for two days and I haven't gone three days without drinking for about 20 years.

On the other hand, I only drink at home (stopped going to bars about 10 years ago because I couldn't stand the smoke). Now that bars are smoke free, I don't find I need them. If I need to raucus chat I just get on one or another political forum where I can chat with all sorts of nuts, and when I'm done I just shut off my computer and go to bed.

I typically work 6am to 4pm or so. Here in Portland Oregon that's not uncommon as it helps to match customers on the East coast. Since I get up at 5:30 or before, I go to bed early. This eliminates the temptation to drink all night. I don't drink and drive. With my spouse, if we are going out to dinner, we actually take the bus downtown so we can share some wine. Otherwise I'll just sip mineral water, even at parties. We watch our weight and have a total commitment to eliminate corn-syrup from our diet. Since nearly all mixers are nothing but con-syrup, even OJ, I'm not much tempted to drink outside the house except for mineral water or maybe a single glass of wine.

I gained a medical problem about three years ago. I started having severe sleep apnea. Sleep apnea is a difficult thing personally, because you don't know you have it A snorer never hears himself, and an apnea patient is totally unaware they spent the night gasping for life on the bed. Sometimes I could tell because I would wake up with my heart racing (120 beats a minute), my eyes would be bloodshot in the morning, or I would be extremely tired in the afternoon, despite getting 8-10 hours of bed-rest the prior night. My spouse stopped sleeping in the room when this problem arose, so I can't get nightly reports.

By late 2007, my sleep apnea was so bad that I hadn't had REM sleep in about a year. I could doze, but never actually reset my brain. I would commonly sleep 10-12 and even 14 hours at a time, but it was all just napping because I was never rested when I woke up.

This year I've been working on it. I got my nose un-deviated in May. If you have a deviated septum, it's always worth doing this in your 40s, 50s or 60s. As you age, your body tends to build up tissue on the "large" side, to match the limited air flow of the "small" side. This makes your colds more intense, and you lose capability to nose-breath even through mild colds, which makes recovery more difficult. I have a great doctor who did it in 40 minutes surgery, just three hours in-and-out and I was back at work 2 days later. Now my nose is so big, it feels like Penn Station in my head. I've had get used to my sinuses feeling "cold" because of the increase airflow.

But this didn't stop my apnea.

So in July the same surgeon reconstructed my throat, raising my soft palate to improve air flow. I'm just recovered from that surgery, and still a bit swollen. I think I'm sleeping better. I feel more rested, and my heart beat is decreasing (I have a machine to measure it).

But my nearly constant headaches, sinusitis, mood swings, and sense of depression, all of which I attributed to the apnea, have remained.

I was reading through the internet and caught a couple references to "alcohol intolerance" where your body becomes allergic not to alcohol, but to the by-products of metabolizing it. I spent some time trying to research it, but there's not a lot online that I could find.

The best conclusion is that my dearest friend, my crutch, my mood enhancer, and my sleep inducer, has become my bodies enemy giving me chronic congestion, endless headaches and a totally messed up concept of moods and pleasure. In effect, my body has obtained some sort of natural antibuse whereby the bad effects of alcohol are worse than the buzz is good. I'm hoping to keep that in mind over the next few weeks and months as I make the necessary adjustments. The required adjustments.

So here I am.

Thanks all for being on the forum to listen, and comment. Sometimes growing up is very hard to do.

[cowgal]

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Cowgal

Well, I love horses, have 2, neglecting them due to being out of town and not loving on them as much as I should......................

Tried to stop unsuccessfully at mos............................................... .....have an alcoholic husband which makes it difficult........................:upset:

BTW Love your saying Hippie!!! It is sooooooooooooooooo true, you are the best.................

Hope this helps....................

love you !!!::h:h:h

MA

[haggis]

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time to own up

Think its time I owned up. I have been hiding from the truth for too long.
I hide my excessive drinking from the general public, freinds & family etc.

I have been drinking all my life but not in the excess that I've recently achieved.

I am 47, happily re-married with 3 kids. I have a small business which does OK. I have a pretty nice life to be honest but are losing control with wine.

I think I've always been the type who does everything to excess. If theres a packet of chocolate biscuits, I struggle to have one, need to eat the whole packet. Same if we go out for a meal or to the pub, one glass is never enough, need to keep drinking.

I used to smoke to excess and managed to give up with a lot of support from my wife. That was around 10 years ago but that seemed to leave a void in my life, especially at night where I had problems relaxing, switching off from work. I used to enjoy sitting down with a cup of tea/coffee with a cigarette, bliss. I really enjoyed it but knew it was affecting my health. I realised that I was controlled by the need to smoke, an addiction bothered me and eventually plucked up enough energy to give up. That was 10 years ago.

However without something to slow me down, I found I could acheive a similar way to relax, have a glass of wine or beer. ... the last 10 years I've went from a glass to a point now where I can drink two full bottles and go to work next day. This really isn't right is it.
I dont suffer to badly from hangovers, but even if I do, I pretend to be fine so that it doesn't advertise my dependance or problem.

I drink at night, rarely interested in alchohol through the day thankfully.
Its something to do with going home and sitting in the house with nothing to keep me occupied. I also struggle to get to sleep so wine helps me slow down and sleep as well. I have nice life really and haven't suffered the trauma's that a lot of others have.

Although I have to admit that inside I'm really not very strong person (people think I am). I don't have a lot of confidence, perhaps I never have. As a teenager I had low self esteem and ended up married to my first wife who was basically a slut and to some extent manipulated me. What an idiot. It took me a few years to realise that she was making me unhappy. I eventually realised enough was enough. Best thing I'd ever done.

I don't feel strong inside and I think alchohol gives me confidence, makes me happier and takes away this feeling of nervousness and anxiety. Im also not very good with people so alchohol makes me freindlier, in fact very often the life and soul of the party (or too bloody loud perhaps)

I spend every week planning - ok next week I'll stop drinking at home through the week, get to the gym every night and only have a drink when we go out or at week-ends. However I seem to get to wednesday and - bugger it get a bottle of wine. Do it next week.
Come monday and I feel guilty for drinking too much over the week-end. Well today I feel this way. Need to do something, this is not right!

Im too embarressed to talk to my wife or anyone to be honest about this. My wife doesn't drink she gave up years ago so I dont have the problem of a drinking partner thankfully.(I know how hard it was to give up smoking when my ex-wife would give up) Im sure she would be able to help. Or maybe Im too scared to make a serious decision and expose my problem? Then I'd have to own up and wouldn't be able to have a glass of wine as do normal people.


Anyway I'd better get back to work. Got things to do ... thanks for reading my rant.
Haggis

Some more. Its afternoon and my feeling of guilt has mostly gone now. I feel normal, like everyone else. Now the motivation to cut my drinking has faded a bit. This is why I can easily open another bottle when I get home. Tonight I'm not going to. Must remember how ashamed I felt this morning.

[Bandit]

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Hi Michelle,

I am a 38 year old woman (but still think of myself as a girl) from Ireland. I have been married now for nearly 8 years (OMG) and we have two kids - a girl who is nearly 6 and a boy who is 3 and a half. My husband also has a 17 year old son from a previous relationship but we don't see so much of him now. We also have 5 cats and a dog, with another dog joining us shortly. Thinking about getting fish and possibly rabbits or guinea pigs (which the kids want).

I am qualified as an Occupational Psychologist - still wonder what I do half the time though. Had a pretty shitty time of of it job wise for the last 3 years or so, hated the place I was in so I am back to being self employed now - much happier but financially a bit more of a strain but it means I can at least try to balance work and being a parent.

Not sure when my issues with AL started - I know I started drinking while I was in college, so probably 17 or 18 - helped me to mix with people and feel like I fitted in, shyness is chronic with me. Shortly after college I moved in with a guy who was in a band and the music scene was pretty heavy with AL and drugs. He was into drugs but luckily I was too terrified to try and we split up for that reason. My husband was not a big drinker when we met but I think my habits rubbed off on him and it grew into a nightly habit.

No-one in my family has any issues with AL that I know of, my parents were both teetotal and I don't think any of my brothers or sisters do - all 8 of them - all pretty successful career wise etc. - as the youngest I always felt very left out and at the moment, very looked down upon, the poor relation if that makes any sense.

Other than that nothing exciting to report - I love animals and often regret not trying to become a vet or vetinary nurse, I also love travel, reading, swimming and films.

I am so glad I came across this website. Although I am still drinking it has really helped me to cut back and to realise that there are so many people out there trying to cope with the same thing. I want to do 30 days AF and intend starting Sept. 1st, after that I will take it from there.

:h
Bandit

[myirishluck]

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I'm a 51 year old guy who never married because the drinking messed up every relationship. I always wanted to have a little one too & that never happened either. Who knows what a poor drunken influence I would have been on a child. (Though I did stop drinking the moment we thought my ex was pregnant & didn't pick up for six years.) I began drinking at around 14 when I realized that it made the shyness go away, but then it bit me in the ass later in life when I realized that it made everyone go away. MWO is giving my life light again. I'm awake earlier! Getting things done! Smiling! Hopeful! Keep up the fight everyone & good luck!

[Seacailin]

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Welcome Bossman, Haggis, wanderer, and Myirishluck. I see that u too are from NH(MIL) Thank u for sharing a bit about yourselves. This is a great place to be. I am a very sick Alkie, but thanks to the people here, I have managed 31 days AF. I also go to AA meetings, but I attribute the majority of my success thus far to the wonderful folks here. It is so great to wake up without all of the guilt and anxiety, nevermind the nasty hangover. I wish u all well as you begin your journey.