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    #76
    Spouses who drink

    I don't even know what to say....I've been on the verge of tears all morning but your post Happy Feet simply put me over the edge! Thank you. My husband is a good man, but he can really be an ass, especially when drinking. I went through the same thing with my pregnancies, except it was worse then. I've been thinking about my first marriage to another alcoholic that taught me so much about myself. My co-dependent personality is really coming out again, and I recognize this. I'm going to dig my copy of "Co-dependent No More" out of the box in the storage room this afternoon.
    Thank you so much for that powerful prayer. It is sure to make a difference, I believe that.

    CS--you could use some prayers also! A big decision for you, but exciting at the same time I'm sure. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Thank you for responding. I envy that you and your hubby can actually discuss the issue of drinking. Of course we have too, when we were both drinking!!

    These words of yours really mean a lot to me right now, let's stick together, ok? :h
    _______________
    NF since June 1, 2008
    AF since September 28, 2008
    DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
    _____________
    :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
    5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
    _______________
    The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

    Comment

      #77
      Spouses who drink

      LVT, we were drinking when discussing it too. It is hard to talk about but I have found that I can't be successful with any of this if he and I aren't on the same page -- doesn't necessariily doing the same thing re. drinking, but I just really need the support. Maybe if I take this job, if I am even offered, it will be the impetus for other life changes. Sheesh. Hang in there, both of you -- and let's defintely stick together.

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        #78
        Spouses who drink

        I have the glue right here CS04. okay both of you put your left arms out (we need the right arm free) and I warn you..it's Gorilla glue. We'll have to call those ugly firemen if one of needs to break the bond!

        That's a really difficult sitz CS04. It sounds like a 3 way win-loose-loose situation. Honestly and not trying to be discouraging but with the obsticles you have written, the house not be in shape to resale (sounds just like mine!) and a 2 year old and a 3 hour commute it sounds like even if you did accept the offer that you would soon be worn to the bone over worry or stress due to living with a friend. You won't be able to leave that baby of yours for a week. Just try and imagine it actually taking place. He would not know where the heck his Mommy went. Sometimes more money just isn't the right answer. BUT WHO THE HECK AM I TO GIVE ADVICE...LMBO..now stick out yopur left arms please, this glue bottle is getting heavy.

        Happy Feet
        And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.~Anais Nin

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          #79
          Spouses who drink

          LOL about the glue! I will feel better when hubby gets home from work and we can put the pros and cons list on paper. I can't imagine leaving baby for a week, either. And I honestly don't think hubby would be able to handle it. Not that he's not a great father, but doing it all yourself, and taking care of the house -- hell, both of us trying to do it together and things are a wreck around here. Still waiting for them to call me back. I'll keep you all posted!

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            #80
            Spouses who drink

            I know you are speaking of someone you are married to so my experience is a little different. I took in a friend who had a drug problem as I lived alone. I helped him get off of drugs and a relationship formed out of it. The problem was that I had a drinking problem and he substituted drugs for alcohol. He was already drinking alcohol but used it more. So every night we drank and smoked cigarettes together. Had some great laughs and big fights! But always I wanted to stop and found it difficult with him in the house. He could not take a day off and I did not want to hang out with him getting that glossed look over his eyes and the slow slurring of the speach. It made me not respect him. So after 4 years of living together I finally said please move out! I am trying to get out of that pattern of drinking every night. Now it is because I am bored and alone. But it is getting better.

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              #81
              Spouses who drink

              For Smokey1949

              Bump for Smokey. You might find these comments interesting.

              Comment

                #82
                Spouses who drink

                CS ~ I'm glad you bumped this up, was just thinking about this thread this morning.

                I'm so tired of alcohol in my life. I'm tired of pressure from hubby and all his ridiculous reasons to drink. It's election night, so of course, party (I won't).

                I just want it out of here. I'm sick of seeing it in the cupboard, sitting on the counter, smelling it. I'm sick of seeing him sit in that chair all night getting drunker by the minute, too lazy to get up. I'm sick of him yelling at the kids to do something. I'm just sick, sick, sick of it.:upset:
                You, as much as anyone in the universe, deserve your love and respect. ~ Buddha

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                  #83
                  Spouses who drink

                  River, did you by any chance see my post(s) in Red-Wine's "has anyone been where I am" thread? I am sorry that you are frustrated with your hubby. I am frrustrated with myself, as well my own hubby, for not facing problems and letting AL dominate our evenings. I appluad you for your success in the face of such tension. What have you said to him? Does he listen?

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                    #84
                    Spouses who drink

                    I'll look at the thread, I think I did see it. I just had to vent, this can be so hard when it is in my face all of the time. I could slip so easily, and its even worse when I know he'd be happy if I did.

                    We don't really "talk", in fact the only somewhat deep conversations ever had here have been in the midst of drink. Among all the things I need to learn, communication is right up there. I get a lot of "well, I'm not the one who changed...".

                    I'll stop whining now.
                    You, as much as anyone in the universe, deserve your love and respect. ~ Buddha

                    Comment

                      #85
                      Spouses who drink

                      AWWW. River, if you stop whining, then I'll have to stop whining!:upset:

                      I'm so glad CS started this thread and bumped it up again. I feel bad complaining about my dh so much, but here it seems a "safe" place for those of us dealing with this to vent about it.

                      Yesterday my hubby went to a funeral where he met up with lots of old drinking friends, including one from out of town. I worried all evening about the shape they would be in and how I would handle it when they came home. Even though he didn't have cell phone service where he was, he did call me from a friend's phone. (Kudos for that) Thankfully at 9:00 they weren't home yet, so I went to bed. Felt kinda bad cause I didn't even get up to say hi to the friend. Oh well.

                      Whatever you do, River, don't let his lack of motivation drive you to drink. I don't feel it would be worth it!:h
                      _______________
                      NF since June 1, 2008
                      AF since September 28, 2008
                      DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
                      _____________
                      :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
                      5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
                      _______________
                      The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

                      Comment

                        #86
                        Spouses who drink

                        Ahh, no worries LVT, I don't think I could stop whining about hubby if ya paid me!:H

                        My brain has been playing tricks on me, telling me I wasn't as bad as I was. But I know better. And luckily have the wisdom of everyone here who has been down that path before. I'm not going to let that voice win. Yeah me - LOL! :H
                        You, as much as anyone in the universe, deserve your love and respect. ~ Buddha

                        Comment

                          #87
                          Spouses who drink

                          Good for you River, way to be strong. My hubby was not the drinker I was so I am glad I don't have to worry about that. I still like to whine about him
                          Help

                          Comment

                            #88
                            Spouses who drink

                            Hi all
                            work in progress: my marriage was in trouble, I am the drinker, Tim drinks only rarely, I sobered up, and the wheels fell off, he left me, so I fell off the wagon, I have been AF for 164 days, my husband came home after I was sober for a month and 2 months later was off again, as according to him, nothing had changed and it never will, WHAT???? me being sober and the positive changes in me are huge, I think I am finding myself and am moving on and leaving him behind,I joined AA and am working the steps and am feeling wonderful, Tim and I are dating, but whither we can get past his issues, only time will tell,
                            In a social occasion when people are drinking and I am kicking myself that I cannot even moderate, I remind myself, I have the problem, not them.
                            Stay strong
                            LOL
                            Fiona:angelgirl:

                            Enjoying sobriety since 27th May 2008



                            Its a long and winding road, but well worth the walk!

                            Comment

                              #89
                              Spouses who drink

                              Again

                              All right, I am bumping this again, because I am having some difficulties, and I want a safe place to post. Hubby and I, unfortunately, deal with problems in much the same manner -- by procrastinating or, worse, ignoring them. AL plays a part in this, of course. Most of the problems are financial. I know that it is easier to face life and its problems when I am AF. But hubby refuses to go there with me -- either regarding the AL, or dealing with the shit. So what happens when I am AF, and hubby is not, is that I am the only one trying to not only be AF but then deal with the shit. This frustrates me even more, and you can guess what the result is. I truly am not blaming my husband for my problems, but marriage is supposed to be a team effort, and I do not feel like we are operating as a team. I am rather upset by this.

                              Comment

                                #90
                                Spouses who drink

                                I just reread Living Free's post on page 2 of this thread. Makes a lot of sense. (LVT, where are you?? )

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