Spouses who drink

[keeta]

Spouses who drink

oh, ready2...I can relate to the "smell" issue also....the beer breath seriously makes me want to gag. And to think, I probably smelled exactly the same....YUK....

[ready2change]

Spouses who drink

Keeta...I'm so there with you sweetie. Where is the man I fell in love with? Where is the woman he fell in love with? I have so much anger and resentment when we drink and am so happy and full of energy when we are AF.

He KNOWS he has a problem and states he wants to quit (most of the time). So that is not an issue for us. We just have this knack for egging each other on when it comes to drinking. I know I have to do this for myself, and hopefully he will follow. We both did 3wks last Aug and it was wonderful. It is amazing the hold this poison has over us. I KNOW I'm not putting forth enough effort or I would conquer this thing. I managed with the cigs years ago...I CAN DO this, with or without him.

I just honestly don't know if the love will ever return to our relationship, or the trust, as he lies about his consumption. I know immediately and abhore being lie to. But again, I am allowing this to be done to me, so I am to blame as well. WE CAN DO THIS KEETA...for US!!

R2C

[keeta]

Spouses who drink

ready2,

I sure wish I knew what happened to the "me" I actually like too!(not just what happened to the hubby I actually liked once upon a time!) I honestly have a hard time believing I have allowed myself to become what I have.

Wow, three weeks is terrific...AND you quit smoking! I am a smoker too, and if you can do THAT, you have it in you to get through this...you CAN do it!

I don't know if the love will return either. I do hope it will. That, and the trust...the trust that he is capable of keeping his word, that our life together means something to him. Sadly actions speak louder...and as I work on myself, I realise I haven't been true either. I put my addiction to AL first. But no more!
AL can kiss my ASS!

You are right, we CAN do this....we have to be good to ourselves, and maybe then everything else will fall back into line.

[river0123]

Spouses who drink

kriger;375915 wrote: The "lead by example" is a wise and gentle path to take. kriger

I like your post Kriger. I also should put myself in his shoes. If I was still drinking and he quit, I would have freaked, and I would have also missed my drinking buddy. So I think I shall lighten up a bit...

And I know I didn't smell too pleasant either. My 7 year old son likes me to lay with him til he falls asleep, and he'd complain of my breath and how I'd snore right away. Apparently I owe him $500 for each snore (must have been a promise I made before passing out). I could probably talk him into 500 gumballs...let's hope

Glad those days are gone and I'm smelling sweet again :h

[CS04]

Spouses who drink

Keeta, I hear you about it always coming back to MY problem. And our anniversary is coming up too, as well as baby's birthday, so that makes me reflect. I really wanted to do AF in August, but I can't handle the non-communication that my not drinking seems to exacerbate. Seems strange, doesn't it. LVT, I agree about feeling alone. I guess I need to develop some non AL related activities with people.

[Sunbeam]

Spouses who drink

Hi Friends,
Just for the "this can work" record, my husband drinks moderately, and that is OK with me. I feel he is as supportive as he knows how to be. He's not one to talk about feelings, like many guys. He usually puts his wine in a coffee cup so it isn't so obvious. He usually keeps the open bottle in the basement refrigerator, which we mostly use when guests are coming. We don't talk about drinking much, but when we do he refers to it as "my problem", and it is, really. He respects my privacy when I'm posting here. I guess that's all I expect. I believe we are both happy in our marriage of 27 years. Not perfect, but it suits us.

[Alley]

Spouses who drink

I Sure Know How to Pick 'Em

Hi everybody,
So nice to keep reading the posts and be able to commiserate! So I go to dinner with my ex- tonight. That man took an hour and a HALF to eat 8 pieces of sushi and drink two little glasses of wine. And he talked about himself the entire time. Without a breath, hardly! Meanwhile, I ate everything on the table and drank three giant glasses of water (hurray!) I swear I would have eaten the napkins if he hadn't finally wound down. I care about him still as a friend, but he is so self-centered. Not once did he ask about my life.

Then, I get home. The landscaping didn't turn out the way I had thought. I called my husband to talk about it, and he was so buzzed I couldn't get ANY straight sentences out of him. I wasn't mean to him but I just cut the call short. I'll just have to deal with it myself in the morning. Sigh. Like I do everything else. So sorry, Time, about your hurricane trouble. We've been through 8 or 9 of those here, but no devastating damage to us. Thanks Liv, and others, for the compassionate thoughts about compromise in a relationship. I know it will all take time. The temptation is strong to drag that bottle of cold wine out of the fridge and wallow for a bit, but I won't! I did coat myself in mosquito spray (a must) and sit out in the back yard with a couple of smokes and look at the beautiful crescent moon. In a few weeks, I may be howling at it!

On the bright side, my blood pressure is normal, my doctor was helpful, and I got a lot done at work today. We can do this! My best to everybody. Al

[river0123]

Spouses who drink

A tiny glimmer of hope...it's now 8:41 and hubby just mixed a weak first drink. He's usually half bombed by now. Around 6 I asked him if he was drinking and he shrugged. At 8 I told him I was proud and he snapped "don't be". But I am proud...he tried... I hope this is a case of "lead by example"!

[Alley]

Spouses who drink

Yeah, River, it may be a start! However, don't be disappointed if he goes back and forth. You just keep taking care of you!

[LVT25]

Spouses who drink

Hi all--

I had a good day with the kids--even though we went shopping. It's over, spent too much money, but they are happy and made some wise choices and found some bargains.
Of course when we got home Dh obviously hit the beer store immediately after work. I got tense right away. Can't he take 1 day off? He's still outside, talking on the phone I guess--it just irritates the shit out of me the way he talks when he's had that many. Honestly I don't think it would be so bad if it wasn't so obvious how much he's had. I've GOT to find a way to not let this bother me!!

[ready2change]

Spouses who drink

LVT...it's gonna be a hard road. You obviously have a part of you that "misses" this connection with him? I'm being tough, but honest. Sweetie, I don't have an answer. It is HARD when you have been drinking buddies and now your not. Although, it sounds like he has always had some buddies of his own.

Your feeling left out. But it really is in a good way. You just need to find another interest. I'm not at all sure what that would be. But it seems as if you are looking to him to keep you company and as long as he is drinking his objectives are different than yours.

You will be fine. Just find some sort of hobby. I am a terrible one to give advice. My dad is ill, my dog is ill, and I just can't deal with life right now. I am literally just skating by. Perhaps when life moves on and I feel stonger I can follow my own advice. For now, I am kind of numb myself.

Hugs to you my friend.

R2C

[3bottles]

Spouses who drink

Hi, this is my third day here, 1 AF day so far + last night I drank half the amount I usually do, so very pleased. Great site! I really relate to what you have all said about other halves.

My husband is the love of my life, we will have been married 25 years next week. We've been through such a lot together and have two great kids, who have now left home. When I was in AA, and abstinent, it put a real strain on our relationship. I think he missed his drinking buddy. He also resented the intrusion of my AA friends in our life (ringing me late at night, being in the house when he got home from work, etc). My sponsor told me I should leave him as he was a threat to my sobriety because he was still drinking and always had booze in the house. Well, I made a decision that I would choose him over AA, as I felt that programme wasn't working for me anyway and I just felt thoroughly miserable. He has always said that he loves me whether I'm drinking or not.

I feel I made the right decision as all my "friends" I thought I had in AA dropped me straight away once I stopped going to meetings and I haven't heard from them since. I have been a lot happier since and our relationship is great again. I think it boils down to the fact that now I'm not miserable and resentful at him because he still drinks. He doesn't feel threatened and insecure by my interfering "friends". We are trying to both cut down our drinking - especially me as it is affecting my health, so I'm lucky he is trying to support me.

:thanks:

[1967]

Spouses who drink

i don't think i could be AF and have wine at the table every night.
actually i know that would never work. sooner or later i would cave in.
i feel for you who are trying to quit and the cards are stacked against you.
quit booze and potentially lose ur life partner.
i'm single and at this stage of the game if things were different... i don't know that i would choose sobriety over my partner if i had too.
scary i know.

[AAthlete]

Spouses who drink

I honestly can't say how it would affect me, as my spouse doesn't really drink except when she goes out with the girls (and then it is only a couple...).

I have ended friendships with people who are still heavy drinkers, though. To me there can be no illusions about what is at the top of the priority list for me - unless I can maintain (and enjoy) my sobriety, I am of no good to myself, my family or any of my friends. I'm lucky to have a family that stood by me through my struggles and I didn't have to make that choice with them.

[Alley]

Spouses who drink

Thanks!

Thanks, Athlete. Reading your confident posts always gives me hope! Alley