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    #46
    Spouses who drink

    I wanted to thank everybody for their input on this thread CS obviously started for me.:H:H
    :thanks:

    I went to bed and did some more reading last night, and managed to avoid hubby altogether. I got up this a.m. and talked to him a little before he went to work. (not about AL though)

    I know I need to find a way to deal with this. Counseling perhaps? I don't want to be miserable and tense every time he drinks too much. I know I'm taking things too personally. It just feels so much like when I was pregnant--awful! I hated it. But it is my problem really, not his. It is definately threatening my sobriety though. The thing is, I don't want to drink--no desire really--I like AF much better--feeling good. I know I shouldn't even say this out loud--but I wonder if a little valium might take the edge off??

    Well, I have a ton of stuff to do today, I better get busy. Thanks for the support!:h
    _______________
    NF since June 1, 2008
    AF since September 28, 2008
    DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
    _____________
    :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
    5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
    _______________
    The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

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      #47
      Spouses who drink

      LVT, hope you got my PM. I can totally sympathize with your situation. Hubby and I are talking but not *really* talking about what needs to be said (re. AL, money, etc.). I am glad that you don't want to drink. You may want to talk to a dr. about the valium. I really know nothing about it, but I would think that that it might be awfully strong and send you down a path you don't want to go.

      Just my thoughts, because I care. PM me anytime.

      xoxo
      CS

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        #48
        Spouses who drink

        Boy, this thread has taken a turn that I didn't expect -- sobriety vs. marriage? Very scary choice. I am having difficulty communicating with hubby as it is, but it is so important to me to be able to talk to him.

        Comment

          #49
          Spouses who drink

          Thinking of you

          CS, I'm glad to read your posts. I was thinking of you today and your worries about your hubby. I hope y'all are working at it tiny bit by tiny bit.

          And you, too, LVT! :l to both of you. Alley

          Comment

            #50
            Spouses who drink

            Girls...don't worry about hubby if he is drinking. Yes they stink like hell. I can smell Frank a mile away when he drinks. I have slipped when Frankie has brought poison home, now he drinks brown liquids, i can't doo anything dark. It is a strain on your relationship, i know, although Frankie is starting to realise he may have drinkie problem, he took this week off. Hubbys will stop i think in the long run, as they are the ones now stumbling and pissing everywhere not remembering wot they said. It is a process, mine is learning he needs to slow down, because i plan not to be there when he falls down. :H

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              #51
              Spouses who drink

              I have some encouraging news to report. I am now on day 4 af. Last night my husband drank only 6 beers (his usual is 12!). Remember we were talking the other day about leading by example; well, I'm beginning to think that works. The weekend is almost here so I excited to get through my first AF weekend, even if he is drinking. I bet he won't be drinking as much. This may be somewhat of a turning point for our family, especially when I finally tell him about mwo. I'm sure he is curious about all my posting (before mwo I didn't go near my laptop at night) and my drinking lemon water all night. I know sharing this with him with have positive results. Have a great day everyone. kriger
              "People usually fail when they are on the verge of success. So give as much care to the end as to the beginning." Lao-Tzu

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                #52
                Spouses who drink

                Well, hubby didn't come home last night (he called to say he didn't want to drive) which was ok. But it turns out that they stayed up late drinking and talking - partially about me and my issues with Al. The friend brought it up, not hubby (he is the hubby of my girlfriend who wants me to go to AA). I don't know what they resolved, but hubby and I at least talked a little bit when he got home this morning. I still feel kinda lost and confused. or maybe I am not lost, but just am too afraid to look forward.

                As has been said on this thread earlier, I am wondering what it will do to my marriage. Look at the issues that Captnjack is having; it breaks my heart. I would like to think that being AF would strengthen my marriage, but I am afraid that might not be the case. I remember The Londoner posted something about this a long time ago, how it was hard on her at 1st but was ultimately stronger. But that does not work for eveyone. This is a major part of my fear of tackling the beast.

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                  #53
                  Spouses who drink

                  CS I really feel for you. I am lucky (hubby is supportive) but I did wonder if he felt differently that I was no longer drinking. We have always used al or drugs since we were kids. He is the one that is usually in control though. He says its fine that I don't drink.
                  Like so many have said, you can only look after yourself and stopping drinking is scary enough at the best of times but when you fear for your marriage it must be terrifying.
                  I really hope you work things out. Maybe it will just take time? I hope so.
                  Take care CS
                  Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
                  Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

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                    #54
                    Spouses who drink

                    I am terrified. I don't think we are really in "trouble" but there issues, and the money issue has really bit us in the ass this past week. Thanks for your concern, Starting. I think I do need hubby to do this (AF) with me, but he won't.

                    Comment

                      #55
                      Spouses who drink

                      Cs,
                      I wish you luck with your husband, but it may just "not be HIS time to quit". We all have our own timetable, unfortunately. My husband is still drinking but I have noticed he is drinking less. I can't get consumed with his problem while concentrating on myself. It is especially hard for us who have spouses that continue to drink but "focus" is our key. Focus on ourselves and the rest will take care of itself. It seems too simple when it is at the same time complicated- that is why we cling to this site for support. It helps in SO many ways. We will get through the terrifying parts-together. kriger
                      "People usually fail when they are on the verge of success. So give as much care to the end as to the beginning." Lao-Tzu

                      Comment

                        #56
                        Spouses who drink

                        My hubby is still drinking too in fact he has just left to go to the pub!! But like krigers hubby, he IS drinking less i.e. not every day, probably once or twice a week. I don't think (at the moment) that it bothers me much. I really hope it stays that way. I wouldn't like it if he drank loads, went out loads or changed for the worse when drinking. But at the moment I am working on me. In a way, I don't want him to stop completely (unless he wanted to) because that might cause a strain i.e. if he was just doing it because I wanted him to. What I am trying to do is lead by example and show him that I don't need alcohol or drugs to be happy and I NEVER EVER thought I would hear myself say that. Then maybe just maybe he will give up his bad habits of smoking and drinking himself. The one thing I have learnt lately is the only thing I can control is ME.
                        My fingers are crossed for you CS x
                        Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
                        Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

                        Comment

                          #57
                          Spouses who drink

                          Starting,
                          That is a tough lesson, isn't it? You are totally on the right track. Keep it up! kriger
                          "People usually fail when they are on the verge of success. So give as much care to the end as to the beginning." Lao-Tzu

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                            #58
                            Spouses who drink

                            Hubby was out last night, and I could have chosen to be AF, but didn't. So I don't blame him. I have to get out of this hole myself.

                            Comment

                              #59
                              Spouses who drink

                              CS,
                              I can see how that would be a "trigger" . Today is another day to jump back on the horse. Good luck. Are you able to talk to him about how this disturbs you? When I was sober and husband used to do that it was like talking to a deaf ear-frustrating. Mine has not gone drinking away from home for over a year- I think he realized that I was on the verge of divorce. I hope things improve for you, CS. kriger
                              "People usually fail when they are on the verge of success. So give as much care to the end as to the beginning." Lao-Tzu

                              Comment

                                #60
                                Spouses who drink

                                Oh kriger, I have learnt a lot of tough lessons lately but yep, that is probably the toughest. I will do my best to keep it up!!!

                                CS triggers are tough. Identifying them is good though. At least it gives you time to prepare.
                                Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
                                Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

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