Warm and Fuzzy Moment

[Guest]

Hi. I am sitting here at 4:30 AM with a sick baby and just feel a sense of gratitude, so I thought I'd share. This is just the best group of people. I have never really posted to a board before this one other than an occasional informational type Q&A thing. I just want you guys to know you are really wonderful warm people. Not only do I know I can find support here, I really feel like I am going to make some friends on here. Thanks guys. Gee, you're swell. Ah, see what a sweet person I am in my sleep deprived delirium.

Oh, and spelling errors are a big pet peeve of mine and the topamax is making me type terribly nowadays. I conjugate verbs wrong and am double typing words all the time...and I'm catching them a lot...but I am afraid as I up the topa, that won't be the case, so bear with me and don't assume I'm the village idiot.

[Guest]

Warm and Fuzzy Moment

Re: Warm and Fuzzy Moment

Jne,

WhTaevre dO u meen tOPa tOPA ccauses prblems wth Tipeing?

I'm with you. This is a wonderful group of people and I feel blessed to have 'met' you all.

Amy

[Guest]

Warm and Fuzzy Moment

Re: Warm and Fuzzy Moment

Jen
I feel like y'all are my understanding family. God knows my family here doesn't. The people on the board change, but the sentiment doesn't. I don't think I would have made it without the people here and RJ. I will be forever grateful to everyone. I never thought I would have my life back. So, I thank you for being there ? for new and old alike.

As for the spelling, I was having problems spelling and just loosing my reply sometimes before I could post it. Now I write most of my reply?s in Word, spell check, and paste on the reply. It keeps me from misspelling words, but I still have a problem with their and there.

Hope the kido is better.

Bear

[Guest]

Warm and Fuzzy Moment

just new

Hi
Just got the book via ebay...read through it tonight with my glass of wine. Identified in many many ..especially the private struggle I feel..always looking tired the next day, knowing my kids kiss me goodnight most every night with wine on my breath. But somehow always manageable, 3 or 4 glasses a night, and beddy bye. But it doesn't work for me anymore...I'm almost 40 and a pretty active social person in my community. But this is making me crazy with guilt and dispair, I think about my habit in the middle of an afternoon soccer game, I rationalize my "over pouring" by the very "good company I keep on a social evening who is drinking right along with me. OK enough...I look forward to finishing the book, am leaning toward trying campral to minimize the side effects, my therapist (as of 2 weeks)says this is all a bunch of crap..nothing hereditary involoved. I am looking for answers, I have young children, a very healthy marriage, and I am plagued by my dependency.
thanks all!

[Guest]

Warm and Fuzzy Moment

Welcome Lee

Hi Lee,

That is very interesting about your therapist, fine another one, don't waste your time or money. I, too, was rejected by my Dr for topamax and this program. So you know what, I am no longer w/that clinic.

I am glad you are reading the book and feel the need to make a change. As we get older, the alcohol will take a toll on your body. You have found a great support system here, there are several moms w/young children, you might can relate to.

Welcome aboard and yes, this is a very private struggle.

Best of luck,

Reba

[Guest]

Warm and Fuzzy Moment

Re: Welcome Lee

Nans is correct. The link between alcohol abuse and genes is no longer disputed in the medical community (at least among those that keep up with the literature, and this connection was quite some ago). Get a new therapist!

R.

[Guest]

Warm and Fuzzy Moment

I can relate!

Welcome,
I've been lurking for about a week now, and I can relate to so many stories on this board. I too am ravaged by shame and guilt for my dependency, since I have a great marriage and a great kid. My husband simply cannot understand why I can't just stop, as if it were as easy as turning off a light switch. He has no dependencies and a completely non-addictive personality, so it is very difficult for him to relate to my problem. He wants to and is willing to help, but again he sees it from such a one-dimensional point of view. Not his fault, he just can't wrap his arms around this powerful addiction

I was never much of a drinker during my college days and I got through my 20s and most of my 30s with one or two drinks a year- yes that is year. But when I turned 40 I started to develop a taste for chardonnay and slowly over the course of about a year or so, one drink became two became three, etc. I also have a group of friends who enjoy social drinking and the habit of going to the beach with a bottle of wine at sunset became more and more often. I too felt that as long as it is a nice bottle of wine and you are with friends that it isn't a problem, but looking back over the course of the last couple of years, I was always the one refilling my glass first and eying the wine bottle to determine how many more drinks I could get out of it.
What I have learned is that I simply don't have the talent for drinking. And I never have. I realize that I've had the potential for this addiction, but I'd never tested it before now. Alcoholism is pervasive in my family, but I've always felt that it is more behavioral and that I could control it. Well, I still do believe that it was my behavior that got me into this mess, but I also understand that my DNA contributed a lot to it.
So, my choice is for abstinence. I would love to be "normal" and have a glass of wine at dinner now and again, but I realize that I'm not drinking it because of the fabulous taste accompanying my meal, I'm drinking to get a buzz and to numb myself.
One thing that I can say about having this addiction is that it has made me much more compassionate to the plight of others with addictions. It has very little to do with being "weak" or "bad" or a "loser." But that is certainly how it makes one feel.
I am waiting for the day when I can feel triumphant for not drinking and back in control of my life. I know I'll get there, it is just going to be a tough climb.
Sorry I've gone on and on. It's late (well early morning) and I just can't sleep and it really helps to have such a nice group of people to talk to.

Take care all

[Guest]

Warm and Fuzzy Moment

I can relate

HI,
I think I am kidding myself that I will one day say I will just have the one glass of wine but you never know my mum used to drink too much wine and her mum drank too much whiskey and her brother and sister were alcoholics it just makes you wonder I so want to break the cycle My 16 year old son has started going out with his mates getting into pubs where they serve him beer it does worry me.I've got a rotten cold so I'm on the lemsip tonight but that dribble of wine in the fridge is still calling me.I now regard you as my friends you are the only ones I can talk to and you understand.
poppy

[Guest]

Warm and Fuzzy Moment

My teenager

One of the reasons that I decided to gain control of my problem, other than the fact that I felt I was personally spiraling out of control, was for my son. He's now to that age in which he notices little things and yet is able to understand it in the big picture. And he also is getting an indelible message from me to do as I say not as I do.
We talk to him about not smoking, no drugs, no alcohol- on and on. And yet he sees me with a glass of wine in my hand more often than not. And it is disturbing to me that he has seen me completely drunk and told his dad that "mom's loopy." So I had to explain to him that I drank to much and it is so humiliating to explain that to a 13 year old.
Anyway, time has gotten away from me. I've got carpool this morning.

Take care all

[MDHW]

Warm and Fuzzy Moment

same

Hi,

Lee and others, I have also recently found this site and have been reading it for about a week. I also have small kids and a stable marriage. But, I have felt for quite some time that I do not have my drinking under control. I too did not "party" much in my 20s but in my late 30s and now 40s, drink Chardonnay like it is water. I start with dinner time and keep going until all the kids are in bed. Pass out and start over the next day. My kids always see me with a glass of wine close by after 5p; maybe earlier if it is a holiday or weekend. I ordered Topa after heavily researching. I also talked to a friend of mine that is a MD. He recommended I try it. I have had years of therapy because I have fought depression in the past and old family demons. So, I am therapied out. This is a nice outlet.
Good luck to everyone with the climb.