oh man

[HealerHealing]

so i really have known my partner is a reasaon for my drinking.. i am certainly not blaiming her but maybe our lives do not coinside like i thought they did. She is angry alot, she yells, curses etc.She has had a very sad lie, abuse and neglect. Tonight I am trying so hard, and really i have had too much already, and I am not done yet. Her anger/miserableneass is not working. Tonight she shared that our house was too messy, she coulcddnt really deal with it so the kids and i worked our asses off trying to make it better (it really wasnt that bad to start with) anyway it wasnt enough. Even thought the kids were trying so hard she let them know they really shouldnt feel proud because it is after all theri mess too, which is true but come on they are all 5 and under. I love her so much, and I see her potential, but it has been 12 yhrs know, oh lord... well i better get upstairs and mediate.
I love you all.

[Dolly Sunshine]

oh man

Read your post...she can pick up too. Is it love or comfortable? I have made my kids feel like strangers in their own home and I regret it I'm sorry I'm probably being contrary tonight but WTF do you expect from babies. Sorry but under 5 to me is babies. I don't see a whole lot of potential there.

[kriger]

oh man

Healer,
Have you talked to her about the root of her anger? It maybe that it doesn't have anything to do with the house? She may have built up a lot of resentment towards you. And are you building up the same towards her? Do you feel the relationship is worth some third party counseling? Getting to the bottom of the anger may be painful for the both of you but it is necessary to carry on, don't you think? Your little children pick up on parents who are angry with one another-they are more intuitive than you realize. It hurts them to live in an unhappy, angry household. Start with a good, long talk with your wife, if you can....then go from there. My best wishes sent your way-after all you gave my the "lemon water" that got me thru day 1- I am day 5 and counting. Thanks, Healer. kriger

[tlrgs]

oh man

stay strong and think positive ..things will get better

[akgirl]

oh man

Oh Healer,
My heart goes out to men like you. I wish more women would understand that that they are in control of their own happiness and the happiness of the family that so loves them. I wish they would find joy in the family and not worry about the house because that's not what matters at all. I have a friend much like your wife, she makes it very hard for her family to relax and love her and be happy. How can you when you feel no matter what it's never enough. I wish some women could think more like men, we would be happier.
Good luck to you:h

[SKendall]

oh man

You've had great advice, please steer your own course, we will help you.

[A Work in Progress]

oh man

Healer, I can see that things are pretty miserable in your house right now, and you clearly see your partner's part in it... can you see her point of view, at all? It would be incredibly unusual if it were TOTALLY one-sided, and if there is to be any hope for healing here, you will want to start looking in that direction...

best wishes,

wip

[HealerHealing]

oh man

Thanks guys! It really helped reading all the responses and Im happy to say that after I spilled my guts I went back upstairs and had only lemon water for the rest of the night. It felt good to have a place to release some of the thoughts in my head. I do think counseling would be worthwhile. She really is a tremendous person. I definately see my part in our troubles. I agree with you wip, nothing is ever one sided. Last night it really wasn't that she and I had a problem at all, and she was helping to clean for sure, it was just what happened with the kids that made me sad.....anyway today is a new day, and I feel positive about my choice to not drown myself in drink. THanks everyone!

[Doggygirl]

oh man

Healer, there is a saying I like - maybe you will like it too...

Nothing in life is so bad that drinking alcohol won't make it worse.

That is my personal bold reminder that I CANNOT successful address my problems in life while drinking. I'm glad to read that you decided to stop drinking last night in the heat of things - I believe that was a great choice. And I hope you will keep choosing to stay sober as you work through this. Your kids deserve that!!

Best wishes,

DG
Day 81 Alcohol and Hangover Free

[A Work in Progress]

oh man

Good for you, Healer!

DG I LOVE THAT SAYING: Nothing in life is so bad that alcohol won't make it worse... Totally and completely correct.

wip

[Boss.man]

oh man

Focus on what is important. We all get so annoyed with the daily stuff, we forget that it's part of a long term shared picture, and long term shared goals.