What's happening to me =(

[lil.michelle]

I honestly don't know what i'm doing to myself any more or to my family.

I came here and got so much support but after about 2 days, i contiued to drink. I ordered the book and i've now ordered all the supplements and i'm sitting here waiting for them to come.

I HATE drinking but i'm like but the last week or so my attitude has become like.... so bloody what... My drinking has got so much worse. It used to be 1 bottle MAX a night now it's 1 1/2. It's driving me crazy. I don't want to drink the stuff, i don't need it and i don't always crave it. Is it cause i'm bored ?!?!?!?!?! AHHHHHH. I pulling my hair out. I just don't know why i've become like this. Is it because i'm scared of failing and letting people down, maybe i'm scared of change, i don't know! What have i become ='(

I've ordered some antabuse. I'm hoping that will be with me any day. I've got lemons and limes and i'll drink them with water if when i get cravings.

This is it for me. NO messing around, no doing it half hearted. That was the last bottle of wine. I've given my husband all my money and cards and i have NOTHING so here i go for my 30 days AF. I'm so excited. I want to change so much.

I've even given myself a nickname... sobermomma, which i've used sooo much on my odd AF days and my husband calls me sobm *lol*

Anyway, sorry for the rant! It's like 2.50am and i needed to talk to anyone, get it of my chest instead of laying in bed thinking it.

Thanx for reading and WISH ME LUCK! :upset: :upset: :upset: :upset: :upset:

[A Work in Progress]

What's happening to me =(

It's great you posted this, Michelle; one of the things that apparently happened after your first 2 days is that you stopped posting, which means you lost touch with being part of this community, and now you have come back. That's great! Like you said, NO MORE HALF-HEARTED! It's got to be a full-tilt commitment, or it just won't work... supplements, books, nothing will help unless you are really serious about it. Antabuse would be a good option to really get you started, AF, for a solid period of time, and to get your mind/brain/body de-toxed and more stable and clear.

Good for you!

wip

[kriger]

What's happening to me =(

Lil,
I'm sorry to hear you are confused right now. I send buckets of "good luck" your way. I'm looking forward to your posts tomorrow when you have a new day to begin your 30 day quest. You can always come here and talk to us- you know that. Until tomorrow...get some much needed rest. kriger

[mwo2]

What's happening to me =(

lil.michelle, WOW ! sounds like you got to the "you" way down inside and have made the monumental decision that ,THIS IS IT ! Read and Post and drink that water add the other stuff as it comes....keep us posted. We are here for the good the bad and the ugly.

So glad for you !

[akgirl]

What's happening to me =(

Don't lose hope, I kind of feel the same way, stay with us...stay strong:h

[tlrgs]

What's happening to me =(

do you best .. you can do this as long as you are ready , willing and able ..stay strong and think positive

[Boss.man]

What's happening to me =(

Go back and look at what you wrote, Michelle. If stopping drinking was easy, or there was a magic pill, we all would have done it long ago.

This is a process. There are a lot of ups and downs.

Lower your expectations for yourself. Turn your idea that "I bought the book so I have to stop" into something realistic like "I'm going to feel better TODAY, and I'm going to engage my family TODAY.

Don't worry about tonight, or tomorrow night. Just take things one small step at a time.

You are SO much more on the road to success, now that you've found the road. The weight is heavy. Just relax, and enjoy the accomplishment of taking things a tiny bit at a time.

[bloggy]

What's happening to me =(

Good luck Michelle.

We are all in the same rocky old boat here. I am glad you husband sounds supportive.

[Isolde]

What's happening to me =(

Wally22;379105 wrote: Hi Lil Michelle
I am in a similar boat. I am waiting for the meds and supps. I have read the book but haven't really cut back all that much. In the last week I have actually drank more on a couple of nights.
I want to quit. But I want to have all my tools at my side before I start. I don't want to start and then fail. So it seems to me in the meantime I have given myself permission to act up.

Wally, that sounds exactly like me. When I first discovered this site last week, I was AF on that day, because I felt so motivated. Since then I also have actually been drinking a little bit more than usual - like I am trying to enjoy it now while I can, before I get serious about cutting back.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to try and get a prescription for Topamax and will order the supplements and CDs after that. I am waiting until I get all of the tools that I need. I partly think that this is just an excuse to keep drinking for a little bit longer, but also, I don't want to half-ass it. In any case, it feels good to know that I'm not alone in this aspect!