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I am pushing my loved ones away :-(

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    #1

    I am pushing my loved ones away :-(

    Hi All,

    Am so glad I stumbled upon you. These last few months have been a nightmare, my drinking has escalated heavily since I got divorced late last year.

    I have met a wonderful man, but it seems everytime I drink excessively I push him away, say things that really hurt, then in the morning wake up having no recollection of what I had said or smsed. He is really hurting and I really want to stop drinking as I have noticed that my behaviour in general turns nasty when I drink. I am not a nice person when drunk, an absolute hideous nightmare that I hate. Then why am I doing it? Why do I go down to the local bottle shop and buy the wine and finish it alone? Why do I do it when I know the consequences will be dire???

    I drink heavily 3x a week I would say, when I say heavily, its a bottle of wine then some vodka or tequila shots. It may not seem excessive now but I am drinking so much more than I used to with far more destructive outcomes!

    How I do I resist the urge to not go to the local bottle store and not buy the wine I crave? How do I stop all this???

    I also have a six year old son, I dont drink around him but do when he goes to bed. I know what I am doing is sooo wrong and want to give up desperately. Any advice would be appreciated, my heart is really hurting and I just want peace without alcohol :-(
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    #2
    I am pushing my loved ones away :-(

    PolarBear you are NOT alone in any of these things. There's a big crowd of people here who have gone through and done all the things you are describing. MWO is a program of recovery (you really must read the MWO book in order to see what it's about and how it works) and also a forum (here) for support and more information. Stick around!

    best wishes,

    wip

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      #3
      I am pushing my loved ones away :-(

      PB, I am no therapist but is it possible that you have some lingering resentments from your failed marriage? You say that:

      "I have met a wonderful man, but it seems everytime I drink excessively I push him away, say things that really hurt..."

      I noticed when I was drinking, I would act completely different that when I was sober. I found out that when drunk I didn't mind releasing the anger that I had bottled up inside of me - but when sober I was ashamed of the way that I behaved. That of course turned into a vicious routine that was hard to break...

      I would encourage you to explore and share your feelings with someone (us, a therapist, etc.). That made a huge difference in my life. I had to find a degree of humility so that I could admit I had those feelings and then, more importantly, address them. For so long my answer had been to address them by looking inside a bottle, and all I was doing was making them go away for a moment in time. Funny to look back now and remember that I actually was surprised when I would wake up the next morning, feeling like hell, realizing that those problems were still there.....
      Sobriety Date: June 15, 2007 -- "It's not having what you want, It's wanting what you've got...."

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        #4
        I am pushing my loved ones away :-(

        AA-you explained very well what i would say most of us do for sure. Yes indeed a therapist is most helpful to sort out hidden resentments that never get resolved. I have conquered many resentments only to find a few still lingering. PolarBear, you are aware of your behavior, you must get help before more damage is done. It only gets worse. You will find support here that will help you find some good direction. Ripple. :l

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          #5
          I am pushing my loved ones away :-(

          PolarBear - you sound so much like me when I am drunk. I do not believe I am a bad person, but I am a really nasty drunk. I have said and done absolutely awful things to people - a friend, my family and most of all my long suffering husband - and then I have no memory at all of what I have done or said. I have read the book and have been taking the supplements for a while. I am trying to mod and have had some success, but with a few slips. Still, I am doing far better than I was before I found this site. We are all here for you and on the same journey. There is so much support here.

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            #6
            I am pushing my loved ones away :-(

            Welcome PolarBear,

            WIP gave you terrific advice as did AA. It does indeed sound as if you are struggling with unresolved divorce issues which wriggle their way to the surface and out the old mouth when the brain has been wine soaked. While it's healthy to come to grips with those emotions, there's no need to put off your quest for sobriety in the meantime. Read RJ's book and the many posts here - they'll give you first hand accounts of the many struggles and triumphs of people who, like you, are working to tame that AL beast. Engage as much of the program as you can. You may find at different times that some parts of RJ's program work for you better than others. That's one of the benefits - it's not a one-size, one-shot cure all.

            Then when your head is a little clearer and you're feeling physically and emotionally stronger, you can take an honest assessment of your divorce, your relationships, and anything else that you feel you need to examine. And just think -- all that time a little boy will be getting a fully present and healthy mother, and that is truly a beautiful gift. Let us know how you're doing!

            V.

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              #7
              I am pushing my loved ones away :-(

              Polar Bear, I read your story and thought I was looking in a mirror. After my divorce i pushed away numerous suitors due to my bitterness and due to looking for solace in the bottle.

              I have gone through a lot of therapy to work with the unresolved anger and emotional issues I had as well as talked to many people on this site.

              It will get better - you just need to find YOUR own way out.

              Stick around, there's some great advice and people here to help.

              Best wishes,
              uni
              Every day is a day to start over and remember that I am powerless over my addiction. I will no longer give the BEAST any power over me - he can go straight to hell.
              :h

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                #8
                I am pushing my loved ones away :-(

                Hello PB,
                All of that is such wonderful advice, and although I can't add to it I would like to say welcome. These are some amazing people and this place will help. Good luck to you:h
                :flower: I'm not as good as I'm gonna get, but I'm better than I used to be.

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                  #9
                  I am pushing my loved ones away :-(

                  Welcome. I don't think I have anything to add not said, but you will find help for the drinking here.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I am pushing my loved ones away :-(

                    Polar Bear --- I have been married for 32 years and find myself pushing my hubby away also ..... probably for the last 10 years .... why he hasn't left me, I don't know! I think I'm on the brink right now. I too can't resist the call (for me it's red wine) Somehow got through the years of kids needing to be picked up from parties, etc..... and I know it was my hubby that did all those..... no one has made an issue of it because I've been there for them in other situations.... but I KNOW! How do I bring hubby back? ....he's a wonderful guy .... any advise from you guys out there?!!:upset:

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