Low... I'm just low.

[lil.michelle]

Hi everyone.
I'm really low today. This past week and a bit has been hell. My 9 month old came down with an ear infection in BOTH ears and a throat infection. We had to rush her to A&E after getting temperatures of 39.9 which i couldn't get down. So after many sleepless nights, constant crying and the horrible feeling complete hopeless as there was nothing i could do to make it all go away. A mother should never have to feel that way, hear her baby screaming in pain and not being able to do anything. :upset: Anyway, she is now better but yesterday i found a lump and totally freaked out (my husband has ONLY JUST been cleared from cancer) and i cracked. My drinking is bad and i know this sounds silly, but a hug from someone who knows the pain that comes along with drinking problems and some wise words would really help.

I said thank you to my husband for staying with me through my trouble and fight and he said... you don't make it easy. He was really loving but that really stuck and i just burst into tears. He's completely right.

I'm doing my best, i've read the book, i've ordered the supplements. I'm still waiting for them. I also ordered antabuse but i'm waiting for that too.

I had a AF night the other night and i was soo happy and proud. Something that is normal for most people is one hell of an achievement for me. I put a smiley face sticker in my calendar to mark the day *lol*

I hope everyone else is feeling better then me. Thanks so much for being there for me, listening to me rant and taking the time to read and respond. I'm soooo grateful and blessed to have found this site. :thanks:

[startingover]

Low... I'm just low.

Hi Michelle, you have so much on your plate at the moment it is hardly surprising you feel down. I hate to say this but the drinking will only make you more depressed. It will ease you for a short time and then make everything seem even worse.
I know what it's like to find lumps, be surrrounded by cancer and wonder what the hell is going on. It's horrible hon, but drinking will NOT make it better.
Remember how happy and good you felt through an af day? You can do that again. It will be one less problem to worry about.
Keep reading and do EVERYTHING within your power to keep you off the booze. When your supps and antabuse arrive it will take some of the pressure off you.
Good luck and stay close
Startingover x

[Suzanna]

Low... I'm just low.

Oh Michelle, I know what it feels like to be down, overwhelmed by it all, I really do. What helps me is to just deal with today, or even right now, do what I can to make now better, dealing with one thing at a time and not keep looking or anticipating trouble in my future. Take help where you can get it. Don't drink, just today, and feel good about that. I wish I could be there to give you a hug, please accept this cyber hug!! :h Suz

[sounddad]

Low... I'm just low.

Michelle don't give in My son suffered from chronic ear infections for the first 3 months of his life and it was unbearable, it got so bad that he had to have surgery and then all the crying stopped and my happy little guy came back to us! I tried to drink it all away and it didn't help at all and I guess that is te reason we are all here. Stay strong you are going to be alright , we all are

[HealerHealing]

Low... I'm just low.

here for you

Just keep hanging in. As for your little ones pain I have found GREAT results with Hylands Homeopathis remidies. The one for teething is amazing, as is the one for colds. The cool thing is there are no dangers or side affects so you can use it right along with what the dr gave you. The teething one is so calming and I used it for other things as well. Also Wally's Ear oil. You warm it a bit and put a couple of drops in. If you cant find it mullien oil works as well. The thing I love about wallys is it has garlic as well which is an antimicrobial. Having a baby in pain is not easy for sure!

[lil.michelle]

Low... I'm just low.

Thank you everyone. I'm starting to feel better just reading the posts.

Gia -- Yes i have seen the doctor about me depression. I was on tablets for months and went back as i was still struggling and he put me on a higher dose which has helped me a bit. I feel more relaxed on them. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. I talk to my husband about it but he's never had a problem or an addiction so he can't really truly know how hard it is. My father has a drinking problem but he's been in denial for years. He thinks it's normal to drink 1 1/2 to 2 bottles a night so apart from the people on this site, i'm pretty much alone. I know i'll get through this, i just need to get my hands on my supplements!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Peanut]

Low... I'm just low.

My heart goes out to you Michelle! It is so distressing not being able to do anything when your child is in pain - my kids are older now, but I remember those difficult, stressful times. Are you going to get that lump checked?? I have a mole on my back and a new one on my cheek, and I am fearful about them, so need to get to the dr to check them out. My ex just had a mole removed that turned out to be cancer, so I am quite paranoid!
I let myself down and drank wine last night. I think we have to try to remember, really hard, how good we feel when we don't drink, how proud and happy we are. I just can't figure out why the memory of those good feelings is not enough to stop me from drinking and feeling badly!!! It's a conundrum!!!
xoxo Peanut

[universal]

Low... I'm just low.

Michelle,

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. I'm glad your baby is feeling better.

We're all here to support you.

Love and Hugs,
Uni

[Frogzter]

Low... I'm just low.

I so hope that your baby is better now! I had to smile at your post, because I also put a smiley face sticker on my calender when I manage an AF day!

I hope things are looking up!

Best wishes,

[vera-b]

Low... I'm just low.

Oh Chelle,

You do have an awful lot on your plate. Children with an illness hit at some base response that's hardwired into our motherly hearts. Until your supps arrive, you'll have to resist with sheer grit which I believe you're capable of doing. The booze may be rendering your anti-depressant less effective, so any abstaining should help considerably.

Is there a girlfriend that can come over for a buddy chat - perhaps another mother with a young child. They may not be much comfort on the booze front, but they should certainly be sympathetic to the common struggles of young mothers. Hoping for a better day tomorrow.

V.

[DeeBee]

Low... I'm just low.

Sending you a HUGE hug!

Stay strong

[Doggygirl]

Low... I'm just low.

Hi lil Michelle. Also sending you a cyber hug. Keep putting those smilies on you calendar no matter what else happens in life. I love this saying...

Nothing in life is SO bad that drinking won't make it worse.

I'm not a Mom, but I can't imagine how frustrating it must feel when your baby is in pain and there is nothing you can do about it. I hope your baby is better soon!

DG
Day 85 AF

[KBCE]

Low... I'm just low.

Hi Michelle - sorry for the late post - glad the baby is doing better. I totally understand. I have three girls and the baby is now 18 months (holy crap! Already!!??? lol) It never gets easier no matter how many kids you have. No matter how old they get, you still worry....with the little ones though, you feel so helpless, especially when they cannot communicate what is wrong. And the stress is incredible. We are sending you positive thoughts and prayers. Sounds wierd to most people, but for me being AF and being a Mom is a challenge because I always used wine to take the edge off the stress. I am finally getting it through my big freaking fat head that it doesn't take the edge off, it makes the edge SHARPER and MORE PAINFUL! YEEEOWWW! You know, we can do this. It is damn hard and I am still not very good at it, but I will keep trying until I tame this beast.

And I like the smiley face sticker idea...I usually just use a highlighter on my calendar. Take care. Hope everyone is well!
X X O O
Kat

[shirazgirl]

Low... I'm just low.

Hi

I always feel weird posting advice, since I am too, pretty new to this. I can only tell you when you say your "low" means the opposing can be up, and as low as you are the scales can tip you in the opposite direction. You cannot help what illnesses are chosen upon your child, but you can fight the disease, that for some reason has been scripted on yourself. Read our posts... Everyone has a different journey. I am only two months and I am in the phase of "amazing", due to my taking interest in something that makes me well (gym, spritual classes, etc. )
Hold on, don't give up hope. We are thousands strong..all with the same disease. As Roberta stated "My Way Out", is all of our way out. It means to find what is right for you and make it work. It may take a few times, a few different posts, a few different, scripts, supplements,, advice, but the answer is there.
Lastly, it is scary to think about life without alcohol. The good news, is after a while, it is scary to think about life "with" alcohol. Everything becomes so enlightened. I don't ever want to give that up.

Give you/us a try....There are a lot of much wiser, more experienced herr. I am today and remain hopeful....

PS - I did the ultimate "out" for me... i posted a photo of myself on the photo website here. I never thought I would "go out there", but I have, put a name to the disease. An attorney, with two grown children, new husband, and yes that's me. Loving my life once again...hoping for us all to meet at the end of road, sober and accepting...

[madge22]

Low... I'm just low.

Hi Michelle... been there, done it... and I know how much pain you are in... I found a lump and learned I had breast cancer (mastectomy, chemo for 4 months then more IV treatment for 10 months)... the age doesn't matter.... we're all too young to have this insidious disease. My heart goes out to you. I had a drinking problem before this... it just got worse. I am trying so hard to turn it around now but each day is a challenge. I am trying to live just one day at a time.... Much love to you...