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    #1

    Rock bottom

    well, ive had 120 days aprox AF, ive had 2 weeks prier to today AF, but i have my slip ups. im not really sure what i want. ive been put on forced holidays at work. meaning not sure if i still have a job. no big deal really( I DONT CARE ANYMORE), but now i have so much time on my hands. last night only drank 2 glasses of wine. well that was half a bottle. i really dont think thats that much considering i use to drink 2-3 bottles a night. back today having my 2 glasses again. oop i slipped and now its my third. ill finnish this and ill go to bed..

    i have my up's and downs. i did my time 120 days AF just to prove a point to everyone i knew and myself that i didnt have a drinking problem. just to prove to them and myself i could do it if i put my mind to it. mum mum was so happy. now 3 major slip up's.. and involved a lot of my family and friends, which now have choosen to let me be and have little to no contact with me..( kinda funny as ive helped them all out through there hard times now its my turn and they turn there back)

    i really dont know if i want to stop drinking completely. well id like to drink and not have these blackouts where im just down right mean, and people have told me im scary. im normally a very plasid person(worse thing is i cant remember anything).

    everything just seems to be falling by my side. girlfriend of 2.5 years left. friends and family falling. and well now work. i dont have anything left except myself..

    i now choose to bottle up everything inside, as not to worry anyone else about my problems. Ive helped enough in my life time, now i would like the help. but it just seems like no one cares.

    i dont want to stop drinking id like to mod. but sometimes it just doesnt work.. most times.

    not sure what to do anymore. or where to turn.. seems like im in a rut, and theres no way of getting out of it..

    i DRINK TO BE ME, I DRINK TO BE FREE.

    an alcoholic is someone you don't like, that drinks as much as you do
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    #2
    Rock bottom

    Welcome, Karl! Lots of us here have been in that rut - I sure have. Keep reading throught the posts, and I'm sure you'll see some familiar stories. There is hope, and you're in a great place, and there are lots of people who know more about getting sober than I do, so I'll just say I'm glad you're here and shut up!

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      #3
      Rock bottom

      Don't give up on ourself even if the whole world do.Maybe I can understand your feeling, I am not good in words but these words are also I used to say to myself. So I just want to share these with you.

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        #4
        Rock bottom

        Oh Karl, drinking does not free you. It locks you up in isolation and breaks you down. Try to get some rest and drink some water. It sounds like you are having a rough time right now. We are here for you.

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          #5
          Rock bottom

          wow are you my twin brother.. and to tell you the truth you are lieing to yourself if you think that al being out the real you.. having a hard time to remember ,blackout ,anger.. yeah i would say that is rock bottom but hey what are you going to do now go back to where you came from and drink the rest of your life away.. like i have try so many times before .. and you must know by now you cant run away from life..life has it way of catching up to you..do what you need to do to get your life back.. because to tell you the truth no one can help you but yourself .. give it another try and this time .. dont do it for anyone but yourself..we have chatted in chat and you sounded like you had your shit together..and you did it one time you can do it again .. good luck stay strong and think positive
          :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
          best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

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            #6
            Rock bottom

            Hi Karl. I can totally relate to your feeling that you REALLY REALLY want to be a normal, moderate drinker. Me too. If that were possible for every single person on this forum, I bet many many if not all would choose to be a truly moderate drinker.

            Problem is, for many of us (most of us I would venture) it is NOT possible. At least I know for sure it's not for me. Been to the bottom of the dark pit a couple too many times trying.

            A very good life filled with fun, laughter, loved ones, ALL of the good stuff is available for you without alcohol. We truly do NOT need alcohol to be happy. In fact for us addicted people, alcohol brings nothing but misery - and as Shelby stated it CERTAINLY doesn't make us free - it puts a ball and chain around us.

            Congratulations on making it 120 days AF before. If you did it once, you CAN do it again. This time with the knowledge that a couple of drinks ultimately leads straight back to the dark pit.

            I hope you will decide to AF it again, and leverage all the tools and great support available here.

            Best wishes..

            DG
            Day 85 AF
            Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
            Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

            One day at a time.

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              #7
              Rock bottom

              Hi Karl,

              WELCOME!!

              You aren't alone, there is lots of understanding and support here so stick around... post, read, chat, get it off your chest!

              Dee
              "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

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