Thanks in advance for listening!

[wild rose]

Hi Everyone,

It seems that I am similar to many other newbies here when I say that I have creeped around on this site for quite a while without posting ? (maybe there should be a newbie sub-group for us types

I am a 30 year-old woman struggling with a drinking problem ? or perhaps wanting to stop a real drinking problem from becoming more serious. I?m not sure yet.
Most of everything that understand about drinking problems/alcoholism comes from what I have generally gathered through American culture in general ? and I think that much of what is generally in our culture corresponds to an AA type model. I am curious to learn more about MM, who it works for, and if it could work for someone like me, or if do indeed need to follow the abstinence route.

In terms of what I drink: I prefer wine. Red, white or rose depending on the season. I actually think that wine is the only type of alcohol that I ?over-drink? on. The problem with it is, that once I start with a glass, I have a hard time stopping. If I am alone, without my boyfriend on a given night (we have a long-distance relationship), I can easily go through a bottle of wine and oftentimes (when this happens), this will not be enough. I will need to sneak down to the epicerie (I live in France at the moment ? its versions of the ?bodega?) to grab that second bottle.

I can go days at a time without drinking ? although even when I do, I still crave that notion of putting my feet up at the end of a long day and sipping on a glass of wine. I just wish that I had more control over my ability to really SIP.
I wish I could write more, or better understand my problem. I am curious about a few

notions that are mentioned in the book (which I already downloaded and read). First, I want to know more about ?the switch? that everyone talks about. I always here that some people have a switch that they can shut off (aka know when to stop drinking) and that others don?t. I want to understand more about this. Also, have there been any studies on whether alcohol gives certain people more euphoric feelings than others ? I am curious to understand because I want to understand what makes me keep drinking when others stop.

Many thanks for everything already posted in this wonderful online community and to listening to me now.

Wildrose

[SassyGirl]

Thanks in advance for listening!

Welcome, Wildrose.

I am really new to all of this, so I don't have a ton of answers. You asked a ton of really good questions though - I also have wondered if AL effects everyone the same way in terms of the feeling of "euphoria." I'd be interested to know the answer to that...

My BF travels a lot so I too am on my own a lot of nights. I too love wine. I too drank a bottle whenever I got started, and found lately it started not to be enough.

You're not alone. Have you tried any of the supplements or are you considering Topamax? Just curious...from reading here it sounds like they help a lot of people.

Hugs to you..

[vera-b]

Thanks in advance for listening!

Welcome Rose,

If we could each implant the "switch" which would stop us from drinking too much - or discover it - or up its effectiveness, we'd have this drinking thing licked. But we don't, which is why most of us are here. One of the points that RJ made in her book as I recall was that while we share a drinking problem (and many of the bad behaviors associated with it) we are all different and no magic bullet exists which will help everyone. That is why each of us takes her program and makes it work for us individually. It is wide-ranging enough that some aspect is bound to resonate with you. The fact that you're questioning your drinking is healthy. At this point, try to read a lot of posts to get a feel for some of the issues and responses. We try to be supportive, though I've seen some gentle prodding as well. Welcome, and good luck on your journey.

V.

[kriger]

Thanks in advance for listening!

Wild,
Welcome to the community. You can find lots of support on this site, if you choose to stick around. As Vera already said, this is an individual journey; much of the success comes with participation in these forums. Up until 2 weeks ago, I was drinking 12-15 beers a day (I knew it had gotten bad, but I rationalized that it was ONLY 3.2 beer). I am now AF 12 days and feeling a new freedom from not having AL in my life. I hope you find your way and stay with us; you will make lots of friends in a very short time. kriger

[Sunbeam]

Thanks in advance for listening!

Hi Rose,
We call people like you (and me) binge drinkers. Not drinkng every day, but not stopping easily when we do drink. Some people theorize that the switch is genetic, others seem to feel that eventually anyone would lose their "off switch". I stopped drinking for 2 1/2 months when I came here, then tried to drink moderately. I was able to for awhile, but after a couple of months, that switch stopped working again. Live and learn!

[Boss.man]

Thanks in advance for listening!

Welcome Rose! The switch is there, but it works the WRONG WAY.

After two drinks, the switch turns ON and suddenly we all become hedonistic lushes until we pass out.

I'm kinda joking but I did a bunch of study and it's really true.

We all have three brains. They evolved at different times. They are sometimes called the forebrain, midbrain and hind brain. But I think that term implies some sort of equality between them, and there isn't any.

The "Forebrain" is what you visualize as the whole brain. It handles logic, and language, and memories and vision. This is the "modern" part of the human brain. This part is totally dependent on dopamine for cells to fire to create thought. Alcohol as a weird effect in that it overloads the dopamine receptor system. And it does it, only for cells that are firing at the time. That's why people can drink and then drive, because driving uses cells that weren't previously used in conversation or logic, so they are not quite overloaded. But then after about 10 minutes they are. Bad cells!

The midbrain is located under the main brain where it meets the spine. It is only the size of a small fist. This is the part of your brain that has to do with emotion and feelings. It has no logic, memory or language, but boy does it know when you feel good. At the same time as alcohol switches off your memory and logic, it perversely FLOODS your midbrain with stimulants. If you started out angry, you'll get angrier. If you started sad, you'll get sadder. Most of us start happy, because wine and drinks have sugar and make us feel good, so we get gladder.

The third part of your brain is very small, really just the top of the spinal cord. It handles automatic functions like breathing and heartbeat. Thank goodness alcohol doesn't mess with that.

So This is a long post to say simply, there IS as switch, but it turns the wrong way. No one stops after two drinks. Two drinks is enough to cut off your logic and memory, and flood your emotional brain with liquid power (little napoleon) booster. It's not even "you" because your personality, education and knowledge just got all shut down when your dopamine overloaded Two drinks turns you into an emotional "box of kittens" that merely reacts to the chemical, and all the kittens say is "MORE MORE MORE".

For me, just understanding the chemistry helps me understand the effects, and make my fight more effective. I hope it helps you also.

[tlrgs]

Thanks in advance for listening!

:hello2::colorwelcome::wave::groupluv: stay strong and think positive

[Sunbeam]

Thanks in advance for listening!

Bossman, it doesn't really explain why my husband's switch says "Im done" after two drinks, but mine says MORE. Any thoughts?

[vera-b]

Thanks in advance for listening!

Yes, ditto to Wally's comment bossman,

Found your comment VERY interesting. Are you a doctor (or do you just play one . . .)? I'm curious, though, that if we have similarly wired brains, why do some people have those 2 drinks, just enjoy them, eventually come down from their "high" and go home/go to bed/turn on the tube/read the paper/etc.? While those of us who hang onto this site just can't get enough of a "good" thing? Is that where the theories of genes, family modeling, etc. come into play? And do you think it is easier for someone to quit or mod if they have a good support system and are not further burdened with very stressful life circumstances? I ask this last question in large part because RJ seemed to have a stable life - marriage, work, family - with the only obvious "disconnect" being her drinking. And once under control, her relatively stable life helped with longer term sobriety. Don't mean to hijack the thread - just find the topic so interesting. Thanks.

V.

[Izzi]

Thanks in advance for listening!

welcome wildrose

[Boss.man]

Thanks in advance for listening!

Vera, Sunbeam, and Rose,

I too am blessed with a spouse who doesn't have the visceral attachment to my liquid ex-friend. I've seen posts from people here where the liquid is a fundamental part of their primary relationship. I'm counting blessings here.

I'm certainly not a doctor. I'm a long-term business owner (20 years in business). For me, everything is logical. You take the customer's money, you balance the checkbook, you pay your taxes and your employees and lastly, yourself. In 20 years, I feel like I've done everything. I've been sued, I've been audited in a major way, I've had work comp claims, I've hired more than 400 people and fired about 100 of them. My coping system is to make everything logical, and automatic. I hire people at a certain rate, and raise them based on performance, or talk to them about why things aren't working out.

I came on this forum for a bit of a different reason. My body has changed to start rejecting alcohol. I literally have become allergic to my liquid ex-friend. It changes the whole color of AF vs Mod when your own internal systems are at war with the liquid upon which you depend.

So like the intrepid business owner, I started researching and reading and learning. I did research a year ago and found it was impossible to be allergic to alcohol. I let it rest. Stupid me. Starting in July I looked again, and I found my new path.

You can't be allergic to alcohol. I still don't know why. Alcohol is a simple sugar, a ring of atoms and it doesn't react with the body. However, your liver metabolises alcohol into acetaldehyde. Asians are famously allergic to this substance, which is why they "Flush" after drinking, and become sick.

So I then started studying whether any person can acquire acetaldehyde allergy as an adult.

And the more I read, the more I learned!

We all know about diabetics, who have low or high blood sugar (glucose) which is regulated by the liver. Do you know that each of us has about 65 critical enzymes that are kept in regulation by no less than 35 organs in our bodies. Dopamine, seratonin, insulin are just a few, and thyroid, pancreas and liver do much of the work of balancing.

If you drank a wine glass of gasoline, your liver would try to metabolize it and you would probably be dead in an hour.

When you drink a wine glass of Wine, you impact dozens of body chemicals and internal organs. Some are going to whack high, and some low, and your little bile machines are going to go on overdrive to try to keep a balance.

The alcohol goes immediatly to your bloodstream, and manages to overload the dopamine part of your "I" mind, eliminating both control and memory. It steps up the "mood" brain making you feel great. The sugar in the wine gives your whole body a sugar boost, just like the kids do on too much cola. You feel GREAT! All sugar, no control. Woowoo.

When we STOP pressing on the pedal, and try to regain control, our whole body crashes! We putting our hormonal and chemical body into being a major train wreck into a brick wall. From blood sugar (energy) to serotonin (mood), if on the morning after you got your blood drawn at the insane asylum, they would admit you immediately because your body chemicals are the same as an insane person. You not only feel bad, the morning after. You really ARE bad. Your body chemicals are in total disarray, you are low energy and depressed.

And there are just 2 things you can do about it:

A) Have another drink and continue the cycle.

B) Stand up, be strong, and say "I had a normal body in the past, and I'm going to have a normal body in the future. And I'm going to live alcohol free long enough for my body to regain it's balance".

I wonder whether someone who has become so dependent as I did, will recover enough to moderate or "enjoy" a drink. But I know now, that I haven't been "enjoying" for at least a year, and maybe a lot more. I've been feeding an inner monster of chemical reactions. I've been feeding something that isn't "Me" the college educated, practical and loving family man. I've been ingesting a liquid that shuts off "me" and empowers this living emotional blob that lives in my brain. It's hot, have a drink. It's cold, have a drink. It's humid, have a drink. It's dry, have a drink.

I have 1000 reasons why I need a drink. My spouse this. My employee that. What I need to do now, is to throttle that little internal voice, and say: It's time for enough. It's time for me to step into the future.

[givingitago]

Thanks in advance for listening!

Very interesting

Boss.Man - your information is truly interesting and helpful. Please continue to find the time to share. I apprecaite it!

I tried to start in June and failed. I know I have to change my ways so I can lead the life I want--return to being fit/active/healthy, find someone to share my life with, raise a family... I am here to start again.

I also own a (small) business, am highly functioning, can manage many things and come across reasonably together. But alcohol has taken over. I go to dinner with friends and have drinks as part of a fun, but reasonably controlled evening. And though I am big fun early in the evening, I often leave before the late nighters... claiming I have things to do in the morning, I am big fun until midnight when I turn into a pumpkin etc. But this is really so I keep the perception, can get home before I get sloppy AND, most importantly, so I don't have to slow my drinking pace. Because another bottle of wine and fantasy land or a shutting down await me at home... "On paper", life looks good. In reality, it is lonely and empty... Even though I know nice people (moved in last 2 years and developing relationships), I am alone.

Pretending is a lonely place to be. But in a culture where singles scene, business networking etc. all seem to include a drink, I really, really struggle with keeping to a plan... OR perhaps I use it as an easy excuse...

Thanks everyone! I hope to get on the right path soon.

[givingitago]

Thanks in advance for listening!

Very interesting discussion

Boss.Man - your information is truly interesting and helpful. Please continue to find the time to share. I apprecaite it!

I tried to start in June and failed. I know I have to change my ways so I can lead the life I want--return to being fit/active/healthy, find someone to share my life with, raise a family... I am here to start again.

I also own a (small) business, am highly functioning, can manage many things and come across reasonably together. But alcohol has taken over. I go to dinner with friends and have drinks as part of a fun, but reasonably controlled evening. And though I am big fun early in the evening, I often leave before the late nighters... claiming I have things to do in the morning, I am big fun until midnight when I turn into a pumpkin etc. But this is really so I keep the perception, can get home before I get sloppy AND, most importantly, so I don't have to slow my drinking pace. Because another bottle of wine and fantasy land or a shutting down await me at home... "On paper", life looks good. In reality, it is lonely and empty... Even though I know nice people (moved in last 2 years and developing relationships), I am alone.

Pretending is a lonely place to be. But in a culture where singles scene, business networking etc. all seem to include a drink, I really, really struggle with keeping to a plan... OR perhaps I use it as an easy excuse...

Thanks everyone! I hope to get on the right path soon.

[bloggy]

Thanks in advance for listening!

Welcome Wildrose!

Please come here often it really does help. I came back after some time away- an emotional situation sent me spiraling into a mad bender so I decided to come back and am glad I did, there is some very good information here, as you have just read.

Thank you very much for that boss.man, I knew it went something like that but you have a way of explaining things that we can all understand.

I appreciate it.

[wild rose]

Thanks in advance for listening!

WOW - thanks everyone for your encouragement and information! And, WOW, WOW Boss.man for all of your information -- that really was quite informative and written so that it was easy to understand.

I had tried to some simple internet research on the whole "off-switch" concept, but did not come up with much. I do recall reading once (can't recall where) that the off-switch can be related a person's particular body make-up, and that those who tend to over-drink may actually feel stronger feelings of euphoria from alcohol than those who don't tend to over-drink. (Obviously, there are a huge multitude of factors that cause a person to drink too much, but I'm just suggesting that this can in some cases, be one of the factors).

Thanks again everyone!