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**Theme2be** · August 19, 2008, 12:21 PM

Do I have a problem? Day 2

Greetings to you~

I use to be the one sent down to the wine cellar, to choose the appropriate wine for the occasion to compliment the meal.
Yep, those were the days.
I come from a family that revolves around the drink, esp, the fine wines.
It began that way.

As this disorder escaladed, I ended up in comma's, rehabs, and driving under the influence of a bottle of Bacardi O by my seat, with shots of Blue Moon beer to chase it down, across from one state to the next until I stopped at a rest stop and was found, as I could drive, but could not walk.

I went to a gathering a few evenings ago with family to experience some fine cuisine as those present, as well as myself love specialty foods.
I sipped on tea, and it was a wonderful experience. I saw the wines hit the others and it was interesting to see the difference in being present in the moment.

Yes, that one bottle of Red was a delight, one day, esp when I would make a favorite-home made spaghetti.

That changed with time, and quckly in my situation for now it is 3 bottles of wine, plus what ever else I slam into these cells for they scream for an endless amount. The call does not even care if it is old, spoiled, tasteless.
A far cry from the wine tasting experience.

I feel such a familiarity with your story; at first it was noticable by family and friends and then I went on to loose amazing jobs, as I had to drink on the job for its call took priority.
Friends, fell away, some family distanced themselves.
I would , in time, be found close to death, half in a bathtub, in a Vodka induced coma as the wine was not enough as my tolerance went off the charts.

I pray you stay close here, there is amazing support from all walks, with a common connection that runs very deep. I believe coming here has saved my life, I am scattered in my days strung together, but it is not worse.
I am better for being here, feeling apart of this gathering so rare and precious and pure.

I hope for the very best for you, also.

**Joemero** · August 19, 2008, 02:20 PM

Do I have a problem? Day 2

Thanks for the kind words Theme2be! I just can't imagine myself being total abstinent from alcohol all of my life. Besides the gourmet food, I am also a golfer, cyclist & raving football fan....all of which al is usually involved with. I would really like to be able to moderate. Is it possible to start with zero alcohol during the week and maybe a six pack on saturday only. a couple of beers while grilling, and 3-4 beers while watching a football game? Or should I go AF for 30 days first?

**Isolde** · August 19, 2008, 02:37 PM

Do I have a problem? Day 2

It's an individual choice

Hi Joemero, and welcome! :welcome:

The choice of whether or not to go AF for 30 days before moderating is yours to make. In her book, Roberta did not begin with the 30 AF days, nor did her friend who was doing the program with her.
(If you haven't read the book, I would definitely recommend it. You can download it in PDF format for about 12 bucks at mywayout.org)

I'm not sure which parts of the program you are planning to implement. I have tried sheer willpower in the past (as I think many of us did before finding this site!) and wasn't very successful. I'm currently in my first week of Topamax, and will add in the supplements and hypno CDs next week. I'm not planning to do an initial AF period. My goal is to be able to go for periods of time and just plain forget to drink! And then be able to have one or two here and there and feel satisifed with that. So basically I want to be able to moderate, in between unplanned AF stretches.

I think a lot of people try moderating first, and then either decide to abstain completely because they find it too difficult to moderate, or decide to end up doing the 30 day AF period before trying to ease into moderation again. Best of luck to you whichever you decide!

**Happy Feet** · August 19, 2008, 05:01 PM

Do I have a problem? Day 2

Hi Isolde.

I am a full blown alcoholic. What I referred to as a functioning alcoholic. Adding that functioning part made me feel a whole lot better.

I have been in your shoes so many times I don't know how you still have any soles left on them. I have walked them off...lol

When I was bartering with myself about how I could just drink a little at the concert or maybe if I just chose a day, maybe Wednesday, to not drink...hmmmm, well, I thought, That would surely work. Wednesday never came. I found myself fooling me over and over and over again.

20 years of tee-totalling. Come 4pm and it was always 5 o'clock somewhere for me! On Sundays it was usually 2pm! I LOVED Sundays!

okay, enough using that wonderful word " I ". Let's talk about your feelings now.

Ask yourself the questions you have posted. What advice would you offer your son or me if I asked you those questions? Hey..they are legit questions. We've ALL been there, done them. I'm sorry if I sound harsh. I sincerely do not mean to. This is one of the toughest jobs anyone has to do in their entire lifetime.

You'll know when you are ready. For some people it takes a bad blood test result to get through to them and start turning their thinking. For some it takes a whole lot of blackouts and almost loosing everything they have. (waving..that would be me).

Before my Mother passed away she had smoked for, I bet, close to 45 years. 10 years prior to her death she was diagnosed with lymphoma. She laid those smokes down and never picked another one up. I asked her, Mommy, how did you quit smoking so quick?" She replied, "Everytime I wanted a cig I would imagine that cig was a dill pickle and it would make me laugh." She was a real cut up so I don't know if that was true or whether the cancer made her mind up.

What made me stop visiting the bottle was one day at the beginning of this month it came to me in a thought....You wouldn't put mud in your old 92 Buick's gas tank yet you could care less about your liver or any other organ in your body. That thought haunted me.

The last straw for me was 8-10-08. Totally drunk, blacked out and I had a knock down drag out fight with my husband that I don't even remember. When I drug my sorry butt out of bed the next morning I got on my cell phone and I left him the nastiest message you can even imagine. I told myself, this is it. I am leaving that SOB and he will be sorry cause I am going to take everything with me.

Well, he called me back in about an hour. I was still crying my eyes out because I didn't want to leave him. I love him. I just wanted the fighting to stop. When he called he said, "Sweetheart, what's the matter? I thought we talked this all out last night. Don't you remember kissing in the hall for about an hour last night?"

oh my gawd.

That was the last drink I have had and I will NEVER NO MATTER what ever look back.

I told myself a couple years ago that I could just have a few too.

It has to be your choice. and I hope you never make the mistakes that I have made. Life is too short. Our families are too precious and so are you.

I feel like I have been let out of prison for the first time in 20 years.

But..if someone had told me what I just told you last month before I laid the booze down ..and this is just me.. not anyone else. I would have said, yea, right.

I wish everyone could feel as good as I do right now.

When you do decide to make the move the book that everyone has recommended and the supplements may help immensely.

Good thoughts and happy days are being sent your way.

Happy Feet

**tlrgs** · August 19, 2008, 05:34 PM

Do I have a problem? Day 2

:hello2::colorwelcome::wave::groupluv:
do your best.. read and post any or all of your question.. good luck stay strong and think positive

**nofoolin** · August 19, 2008, 08:29 PM

Do I have a problem? Day 2

I like so many of us try to negotiate with myself constantly. I was terribly disappointed when my doctor who is a good friend commented after reading RJ's book, "Why couldn't those women just admit they are alcoholics?" To her it was very obvious. I want her to be wrong. I want to be an exception to so many of the people out there who are trying to moderate and find that they just can't do it successfully. We all do, but I know that I have to be honest with myself. The book, and this website has helped me immeasurably, but for me, moderation is always temporary, and I need some permenance. Best wishes to all, have a great evening!

**louise** · August 19, 2008, 11:41 PM

Do I have a problem? Day 2

Welcome and congrats on 2 days AF. Yes, 30 days is recommended before you try to moderate. And you will have to give up liking to get drunk. Best wishes on your journey.

**hulagirl** · August 20, 2008, 02:11 AM

Do I have a problem? Day 2

Hey Joemero, Once you start to question whether you have a "problem" or not, you probably do. I stopped drinking when my first child entered high school. I had anger and confusion towards my parents in high school because of their drinking so I didn't want my kids to experience that. Yes, I had become a wine connosiuer by 12th grade. So as I tried to be good and a role model for my teen-ager, in her first summer job in college as a Girl Scout camp counselor she got fired for drinking beer. Needless to say, as soon as she left for college I started drinking again but "hiding" it from our second teen-ager. Now he is gone, we're "empty nesters" and I'm back into the old habits. Personally, and from experience, I can not moderate. It's a decision to become alcohol free or not. Best wishes to you, what ever path you take.

**Chelle12** · August 20, 2008, 03:25 AM

Do I have a problem? Day 2

Hi Joemero,
I think it depends on the individual. I would personally find it really hard to be AF for 30 days, but willing to give it my best shot. I like the phrase 'one day at a time'.
My partner said to me last night after I finished my first AF day in months, that he was proud of me and that even if I only last 36 hours / 48 hours, then I shouldnt feel too bad and think that "well, I DID do it, and hopefully next time I can build on the AF time next time I try".

My reason for the AF day yesterday was a build up of a lot of crap that Im putting my partner and son through recently. My parents took my son away on holiday last week, and on one day of the week, my partner goes back to his own house for the evening so i was all alone. He ended up getting a desperate phone text from me that didnt make any sense. I didnt know where I was, he had to come down and keep ringing my mobile round the back streets to where I live to try and find me. Apparently I was sitting in a gutter in the pouring rain with a bottle of wine. I was drenched and close to hypothermia and screaming... It was awful, the strain I would have put him under.
Ended up smashing ornaments in the house because I was so ashamed of myself. I think Id had 3 bottles wine, and five pints that day...as well as driving home, though God only knows how I managed to drive home.

To me, one glass of wine is never enough so I dont know if moderation will be possible.
Best Wishes and Good Luck to you, whatever you decide.... mod or AF
C

**Joemero** · August 20, 2008, 09:06 AM

Do I have a problem? Day 2

Thanks for all of your input. This is the most responsive and caring forum I've ever been on! So today is day 3, I and I feel pretty good. I don't think I should have any issues until Saturday, at the BBQ get together with my friends (we have a bbq club). I know wine & liqour is my major problem as far as not being able to stop. Perhaps I can control the urges by just having 3 beers tops? That's another thing about going AF...people start wondering if you have a problem. They're like....."WHAT????? You, not drinking...c'mon!" Anyway, I will try to abstain as much as possible, and perhaps just stick to beer. I heard John Daly has a system where he drinks only miller lite, becayuse anything else will get him over the edge.

Geez, I've got a problem, Sat is not even here yet, and I'm already strategizing my drinking.

**lilnev** · August 20, 2008, 10:00 AM

Do I have a problem? Day 2

Congrats on day 3. For me, days 3 through 6 were the hardest (yes, all three times I've quit). The first few days were easy, on the excitement of quitting. And after the first week it gets easier (but don't fall into the trap of thinking you're all better now!). But days 3-6, my brain would just keep looping back to alcohol. "Can I drink now? How about now?"

If you're going to be around people who are drinking, and you don't want to, definitely have something non-alcoholic in hand. Water, soda, whatever. It'll give your hands something to do, comforting you with the habit of physically manipulating a beverage. And if you're worried about peer pressure, there's no harm in a white lie. "I shouldn't, I'm on medication," or, "I'm trying to lose a few pounds and I don't need the empty calories," are great excuses that anyone will except.

Well done so far, keep it up!

**louise** · August 20, 2008, 10:15 AM

Do I have a problem? Day 2

Take alcohol free beer to the BBQ. And some other nice non-alcoholic drinks. Enjoy the conversation. You may find that others are really not drinking that much. Think of it as an experiment.

**livingfree** · August 20, 2008, 10:17 AM

Do I have a problem? Day 2

Joe - congrats and welcome!! From what you described ... I would recommend getting 30 days ALCOHOL free before you even begin thinking about modding. It is really hard to clearly think through the process while your brain is still operating under the influence. Even a drink a couple of times a week really confuses your brain early on. Read RJ's book and implement as many of the steps as you can. It all works "together" for the best shot at this. I am not a fan on topa - having taken it for 7 weeks out of my more that 7 months of sobriety now. But you will have to weigh what you already know about yourself.

Best to you

**DeeBee** · August 20, 2008, 10:22 AM

Do I have a problem? Day 2

Joe the great thing is that you are now recognising that you are plotting and planning the next drink and it's bugging you. It doesn't happen overnight so you have to stay vigilant in your thoughts.... think sober AF thoughts.

Stock up on some supps before you head out on Saturday.

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