Lier or untrustworthy!?!?!?!?!?!?!

[lil.michelle]

Hey all. Me again.

So i feel i'm doing pretty well with staying AF. Although i did have a slip the other day, it's still been really good for me.

I had a fight with my mum today. To cut a long story short, i'm not allowed to stay at home alone incase i drink but my hubby went to work today and i didn't want to stay at my mums house as my baby needs a bath, dinner, the house needs to be cleaned and it will also be far past her bedtime before my hubby comes back to collect us and take us home. SO after a fight he left me and Grace (our baby) home and went off to work. My mother then called to see where we were and i said, we'd had a fight and i'm staying home. Anyway, she keeps saying that i'm a liar and i have done nothing but lie and lie about drink and can't be trusted. She says it to me on a daily basis which honestly makes me feel like Sh*t.

As i see it, I'm not a 'liar' as such. I'm a good person. I have never lied about anything other then drink so being called a liar so much is really hurting me and making me mad. I do admit i have lied about drink but i see myself more as untrustworthy where drink is invloved. How many people here have lied and said, they haven't had a drink, or i've only had 1 glass or there is no drink in the house when we have drunk, drunk more then 1 glass and have hidden bottles around the house..... Do you think it's ok and acceptable to be called a liar? Or is it more that we're untrustworthy?

It's just driving me crazy. Will i ever get rid of this lier tag that's attached to me? Is it ok for her to do this to me and make me feel like this? I made the wrong choices but i'm AF now and changing my life.

[Carmac]

Lier or untrustworthy!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Michelle -

Calling anyone names is never useful nor productive...ever.

That said, those around us have a hard time believing we are working to change our lives because we have lied in the past. The deceit is what they remember. It takes time for them to see we are trying and have made changes.

Its going to take time for your Mom and husband to believe you. That stigma is so hard to erase. In the meantime, we have to try harder to belive in ourselves and not let them discourage us. They are not at fault nor are we. Time is needed.

Stay strong.

Erin

[DeeBee]

Lier or untrustworthy!?!?!?!?!?!?!

lil.michelle;391497 wrote:
I made the wrong choices but i'm AF now and changing my life.

I'm sorry your Mum is not trusting you and giving you such a hard time. There are alot of people on the boards who are having parental issues but I have got the most amazing parents who support me, so I just can't comprehend how a parent can do that to their child in their time of need. For me a parent should be caring, supportive, nuturing and an example to look up to.

All I can say is you know what a good job you are doing, as you said you are making positive changes in your life.

LM you have support here, sending you a (((cyber hug))):l

[roseknows]

Lier or untrustworthy!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Bravo

Even though it sucks that your mum isn't supportive...I really admire the fact that
she is so concerned about your problem. I spent a few years hiding my drinking
from the folks (even though they must have realized how their alcohol bottles
would go missing every time I visited). And then when I told them about how bad
things really were, they continued to constantly shrug it off, and still offer me
glasses of wine/beer whenever I come over. I know your mum is being
crappy, which is not fun at all, but it does (on some level?) show how much she
loves you and cares and worries about you, eh?

[Doggygirl]

Lier or untrustworthy!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Hi lil Michelle. While I don't think name calling achieves anything, I'm with Indiana Mike in that we need to look honestly at ourselves. And if we HAVE lied to our loved ones about our drinking (I certainly have) then we need to accept the responsibility and consequences for that.

We need to understand that where we have broken the trust of our loved ones by lying, it will take time and consistency to earn that trust again.

My choice to drink caused lots of problems in my life. I spent a lot of (unproductive) time being defensive rather than being honest with myself about the problems I myself had caused. I had to own responsibility for that before I could move forward.

Of course I have no idea if any of this applies in your life. Just sharing my experience in case anything resonates.

DG
Day 96 AF

[brittzak]

Lier or untrustworthy!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I think you should have a heart to heart with your Mom. She is hurts that you drink and you are hurt too. You can not battle this being verbally abused. I KNOW my family was sick of me too, but trying to beat this is hard enough without getting beaten up.

[KTB]

Lier or untrustworthy!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Hi Erin: I enjoyed meeting you the other day. Saturday, I had 3/4 of a beer, and yesterday, totally AF. Didn't think I could do it. Today is kinda tough. I had jury duty today. Kinda made an ass of myself. They had some poor young guy indicted for marijuana with intent to sell, and cocaine with intent to sell. When the prosecutor asked if anyone in the room thought marijuana should be legalized, I not only raised my hand,but waved it about and said, "if we would let all the potheads out of prison, we would have more room for the murderers, rapists and child molesters. She said, "well, we put them in prison, too." It is so ridiculous in this country. They're letting out violent criminals because there is no room. How many more prisons are we going to build? Anyway, I don't want to bore you with my political ravings. You said the other day that you, too, were an only child, but you didn't really say much more. I would love to chat with you, but I haven't had any luck in the chat room. Whenever I go there, I'm the only one in it. What am I doing wrong? Anyway, congrats on going almost a month AF. I'm feeling more confident that I can do it, too. Thanks for your support. Kay

[KTB]

Lier or untrustworthy!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Hi, Michelle: I, too, think a heart to heart with your Mom would help. I know one of the reasons I drank to excess and continued to do so was the whole guilt trip thing. Namecalling is cruel, but I am sure it is due to the frustration or not being able to help you, of fearing for you and your child, and you hiding the problem. I'm sure she loves you and is just scared. I sure do wish my mom was around to bitch at me. All I have left are my husband and three grown kids (3 grandkids, too). They either are bitching at me or not calling or having any contact with me. Another reason to drink--loneliness. Well, I'm making a real effort to reconnect with them and hope they will eventually trust me again. Good luck to you. Kay

[lil.michelle]

Lier or untrustworthy!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Hi all.

The thing is, i have been completely honest with myself. I know i have lied to my husband and i told him. I know it takes time for things to get better and i know 100% that it's my fault and i have to deal with it and everything that goes with it. I'm just tired of my mum saying you lied so you come to my house all the time. I guess i just want her to say, well done for going AF. I'm proud you're turning your life around.

I know things are hard for my mum as my dad drink 1/2 bottles of wine a night and takes 28 tablets a day, mostly at night (painkillers and sleeping pills) and tells her he hasn't. I just don't want to be put down all the time.

I made the choice to drink, to hide it so i know i have to deal with it.

[vera-b]

Lier or untrustworthy!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Chin up Lilmichelle,

Sounds like your Mother is weary from living with a man who is not honest with her, and she's projected some of his behavior on you. It's probably been going on for a while, so when she sees anything that resembles his behavior in you, it brings up all the discouragement she's felt for years.

That said, it's not ok to name call. Your Mother has her own issues she will have to deal with. However, the problem for you is the demon AL. Let your sobriety be your priority. As difficult as it may seem, you may need to let your Mother's branding you a liar go in one ear and out the other. I know it hurts to hear the rebuke, but if you take it in and hold it, it may fester and sabotage your recovery. Don't let this happen. Then the sober 'chelle will stand a fighting chance of showing Mum that she can be trusted. :see: Good luck to you.

Vera-b.