In-Laws

[rubywillow]

O.K. I've been here a couple of weeks, and love the site and advice, not to mention reading everyone else's posts. I can't sit here all day but will check back often. Tell me how you deal with in-laws duing your struggle (also include close friends who INSIST on giving advice). My parents were wonderful, joyful, artistic, humorous people, who left me too young. My in-laws, in their 80's, hate everything, and live in my back yard. Also, my daughter-in-law is driving my son crazy with her spending (she says we're rich enough to to pay her bills) and is letting my grandchildren run amouk?. I just turned off their phone today because she had run up a $250 bill on my granddaughter's cell. So now I'm punishing my GD, when she has done nothing wrong. I know, I know, let them find their on way, my grands need some stability. My MOL and FOL hate me, and my husband understands, but gets caught in the middle. Please, everyone answer. I'll be back, have some housework to do. Love you all!
CJ

[KBCE]

In-Laws

You can pick your nose, pick your friends, but unfortunately you cannot pick your family. I know how that is. It is so hard being around those negative people and also the people (daughter-in-law) who feel they are entitled to whatever the hell they want...regardless of who they hurt. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make them behave (or whack them with it - whichever works) Do what you can - you can't control other people. Just love those grandchildren and give them boundaries - in my opinion (take it or leave it) boundaries = love. People who let their kids run amok and let other people deal with them are self centered buttheads. Stay AF and just know in your heart that things will get better. Stay positive - and stay away from those who suck the life out of you. Those are the types of people that had me SRPINTING to the wine store! Sending happy Af thoughts your way RW.

K

[bloggy]

In-Laws

So sorry to hear about your inlaws- sorry can't give advice- I have always lived far away from my family and any BFs I have had have done the same

I do feel for you though, and just try to look after yourself.

I am staying away from people who might set me off drinking but that is pretty hard when they are living in your yard.

[rubywillow]

In-Laws

Thanks, guys (and girls),
You can't imagine how hard it is to buy gifts for in In-laws for each occasion when I haven't had so much as a card from them in 20 yrs. My 15-yr-old g/daughter and I just got off the phone when she called me and thought she would chew my ass out for turning off my phone. I have talked to my son (her father) and my daughter, who lives 100 m. away. My Tay thought she was going to talk me down, but it didn't happen. It was SO hard, I was almost in tears the whole time. I explained she hadn't broken our agreement, but someone (her B. mother) had, and I can't pay $250/mo for her to talk
(whore around) during the day when Tay was in school. Tay and I came to an agreement when she realized she could not talk to me as an adult. She still wanted to bitchy, but I told her to straighten her ass out or hang out. After I talked to her, and my son, I talked to my daughter and son-in-law. They're under a tornado warning right now, but managed to tell me they've talked to our son, and they are plannning to take Tay, and if anyone can straighen her butt out it's my my Barbie Doll daughter.
I know this is a lot, but I know I'll cry myself to sleep tonight (sober) because I can't lose my Tay. Her mother was in the f...ing background when she called me, too weak to challenge me. I reminded Tay that I once told her I'd walk thru fire for her, and I'm ready to do it now, and have the strength to do it since you people are behind me. My younger g'daughters are still at home, needing me, so I have to be there, but Tay is my most important deal right now. My Mad and Grace are constantly in contact with me and we talk constantly about what's going on. I told Tay she's breaking my heart, and she wanted to hang up right away. I know this is too long a post, but my heart is breaking, and I know how much of the past is my fault, drinking when they were with me and thinking they didn't know. I am supposed ti be their rock, since their parents are fucking idiots, including my beloved son. He says he won't give up till he had to, and I appreciate that.
I know this is crazy, but I appreciate the opportunity to vent, and I would really appreciate your thoughts. I know nothing can make it better right now, but at least we have options when it comes to problems with my girls. I HAVE to keep straight since, if things don't work with my daughter and SOL,
(& I told them I did not want them to endanger their kids, with all their involvements, I will take Tay to our mountain home, in a very rural area, and she and I will have to work things out together. I CAN NOT drink, because she's already using what she sees the adults around her doing. I CAN take care of myself with her, no problem, but I have to find a way to encourage her to something new.

Sorry for running on. Any thoughts??????????
CJ

[bloggy]

In-Laws

Ooh Dear Ruby

It all sounds very complicated and nasty there.

I can really sympathise with you but I don't have kids or in-laws, so no suggestions- but I can give advice about dogs if you ever need it (sorry that was meant to cheer you up, but probably didn't) the only thing I see in all this is pressure of this sort is the last thing you need when you are struggling with booze, and you cannot be of help to your grandkids when you need help yourself to be well.

Is it not possible to take a step back and give yourself some much needed care?

BTW I wouldn't bother buying them a present- they don't sound all that nice.

[rubywillow]

In-Laws

Thanks, guys. I really know what I have to do. I'm very lucky to have the money to take her out of her situation, and I HAVE to be in control of myself, meaning AF while I'm dealing with these problems. Tay has 2 younger sisters, and I will do whatever I have to to save them them from the same problems. I've already told my son this, but don't think they believe me, like they didn't believe I'd turn off they're phone. I made a lot of mistakes when Tay was my little companion, and now she doesn't know who to trust. She loves her mom, & I'll never negate that, but she's too smart to be left on her own with her mom (and I have to say, she's a true idiot) or my son, who's trying to save his family. It's just crazy they can't believe I'll cut them off. In the past, I guess I just listened to the excuses and paid their bills. My DOL was in the background, telling Tay things to say, but I already have the info I need to remove from her home, and I wil do it. This is only the biggest of my family problems, and I know that being AF will mean I can leave this house (HUGE antebelllum home) I can't keep up and moving to my mountain home with Tay. Hard to explain all the problems, but at least I'm AF, so all your suggestions are welcome. Someone told me once, children walk on your feet, then they walk on your heart. They didn't even mention G'children. I could cry myself to sleep, but I'll be stong tomorrow. Thank you, friends. I need you.
CJ