No longer know what to do

[lil.michelle]

I was doing soooo well but the past 2 days i've drunk. I just couldn't deal with that voice in my head and all that comes with it.
I have noticed that sinced drinking i have become depressed again. When i stopped drinking i wasn't depressed at all.
I know what i need and want to do. I'll stop now again and get myself together and sart living AF. I hope i have more strength .

[KBCE]

No longer know what to do

Michelle - we all have slips, don't beat yourself up about what you did...just focus on how you want to be. It's funny how AL messes with your mind..."I'll feel better after this one drink"...so you drink it and the depression worsens...AL's evil little trickery. You can start over Michelle and you will feel better. Keep posting because we care about you and we have faith in you. You just need to have faith in yourself. This is hard, no bones about it, but the payoff ROCKS. You can do this. We're here for you friend.

K

[startingover]

No longer know what to do

Hi michelle, my depression lifted when or shortly after the al left my life.
Take your strength from here, that is what I do, there is lots. Use it.
Love startingover

[Bambi]

No longer know what to do

Michelle,

Oh my gosh, been there and done that!

Good for you for recognizing it after just a few days and remember it could of been worse! You will do great just keep on trying, that is all we can do! It is Good to remember what it felt like being sober...that is hard to remember during a long drinking spell so keep that wonderful sober feeling close to you!

You Can Do This!

Hugs & Best Wishes,
Bambi

[Chelle12]

No longer know what to do

Hi Michelle,
You were such a pillar of strength to me yesterday... I read your reply with tears in my eyes over how supportive you were.
I hope you can find the strength to be AF tonight.
You're a wonderful person, and my love, thoughts and prayers are with you tonight.
C

[A Work in Progress]

No longer know what to do

Michelle, remember this: YOU are the one who is in charge of the "voices" in your head. If you hear a "voice" telling you it's a good idea to drink, or that it is inevitable, then take over the whole "voice" ting, and use another, more sane voice to announce to yourself that you are NOT drinking. It takes practice, but it CAN be done. Quit the drinking. The depression will get better, just like it did before. And even if it doesn't? Drinking will NEVER make it better.

wip

[vera-b]

No longer know what to do

Hi Lilmichelle,

That AL voice gets its strength from our doubts, so focus on the positive. You will beat this thing. You are better, stronger and more powerful than any liquid languishing in a glass. You can handle the ups and downs in your life. You are the boss. To Mr. AL - you're fired!

Vera-b.

[Boss.man]

No longer know what to do

Michelle, Methinks you ask too much!

You want everything to be instant. Wait until you get to be my age. For gosh sakes, if you have two arms, two legs and your health you are LUCKY. Stop asking for instant answers!

None of us have that.

We've all met people here on the forum who are far worse off than we are. I know you as well as I read a post and say, Oh I'm so thankful I don't have those problems. Whether it is kids, or in-laws, or a bad relationship, or the lack of relationship. We all post from our self views.

But part of that posting is humility and understanding. You are never going to push a button, and make your life instantly normal. That's what this whole thing is about. Once your body becomes alcohol dependent, you are changed, and you must deal with the change every day in every month for every year. Yes, there are people who are NOT alcohol dependent, who manage to drink two glasses of wine and think nothing of it. But I think the key fact is that those people NEVER became alcohol dependent. You and I took a one-way trip. Now, you and I gotta live with our life's choices.

I studied a lot of the chemistry, as you know from my previous posts. For me, it makes me understand that alcohol is NOT a personal weakness. All humans have the same reactions to alcohol. It's just that some of us got a bit more advanced than others. Of the 65 key enzymes in the body, Alcohol affects 25 of them, and 10 of them directly. Glucose, Serotonin, Dopamine, Insuline and Histamine are all directly impacted. Of the 15 key organs in the body, alcohol impacts 7; liver, pancreas, thyroid being among the top. The Human brain, all three of them, exist in a special environment where not even Blood is allowed to flow. Your brain is such a specialized organ that it exists in a shell of sea water, totally separated from your body. But alcohol not only penetrates, it affects different parts in dramatically different ways. Ways that are even unique to different races and types of people.

Michelle, you somehow ask to make something that's enormously complex become something simple. It's not simple. A craving may be a glucose craving, or a dopamine craving or one of a dozen chemicals. The cure could mean eating only meat, or only sugar, or bananas. Sometimes the cure is to drug out (with Valerian) and sleep out a few cycles. Sometimes the cure is to write a list of things you don't like about alcohol, and past it on your liquor bottles.

Great things in life are never easy. Easy things in life are not great. Keep that in mind.

[DAMO]

No longer know what to do

All the very best Michelle, keep remembering how happy you are when AF.

[Chelle12]

No longer know what to do

Boss.man;394727 wrote:
Great things in life are never easy. Easy things in life are not great. Keep that in mind.

Aint that the truth?
Fantastic quote.

Hope you're feeling better today lil.michelle.
*hugs*

[Accountable for Me]

No longer know what to do

Michelle, when people say that the depression lifts when quitting Al, they are telling the truth.

I had a good stint of AF last year and my depression lifted big time.

I was also wondering if you may be suffering from Post Partum Depression? It was you that said you had a baby right? I had it so bad with both of my kids that I turned to the bottle for relief. Although the relief left once I was drinking too much. You may want to check in with your doctor and see if there is something he/she can do for you.

**hugs to you**

[Popeye]

No longer know what to do

Michelle,

I use alcohol when I'm happy and when I'm sad. I find that drinking when I'm down really makes the feelings worse. I become morose and very introspective. Nothing lifts me from the depressed state of mind, except to sober up.
You know what to do.
Don't let the Bastard grind you down.:l

[lil.michelle]

No longer know what to do

Hi all. I know that drinking make my depression worse. No idea why the last 2 days i started drinking again. I have to say, even tho i had a bottle of wine, i would only drink a glass. That ould have NEVER have happened if i wasn't on the MWO progrm. I would have the downed the bottle within the hour. That glass i had both nights tasted horrible and just wasn't worth messing up all the work i've done to be AF. I'm feeling much better and i'm back to being AF and i LOVE IT. My hubby's out drinking tonight and i'm not even tempted!! A cup of tea and i long cuddle with my baby is better.

AFM- Yes i do have depression after given birth and i have been to the doctors to get help. That was the whole reason i turned to drink. I went to the doctors every week saying i was really depressed and couldn't cope anymore and he put me on tablets which were not helping. After 2 months, i went back and he said to keep on them. I was crying asking people for help and got nothing so i turned to drink for a small escape. One glass to start off with but it soon grew. The doctor has FINALLY put me on new tablets and with those and being AF i feel FANTASTIC!

Thanx everyone for your support and advice!

[gyco]

No longer know what to do

hi michelle,hang tuff kid,thts what al does,gets the best of us,wish i could xplain my theory,i was al free again 10 months,but somthin different happened this time,ive tried modding,and not bad,but the sleep has its moments,but its still good,again michelle keep comin here im here for ya gyco

[savon19]

No longer know what to do

GREAT POST, Boss-man!!

Especially that part about wanting problems to INSTANTLY go away. I have a hard one with that myself. Someone else said something like, how can you expect things to be normal right away when you've spent years getting where you are...?