new - needing encouragement

[SAUSAGE]

:new:

Hi everyone
Have been reading the forums for a while but only just registered as I feel I need help.
For about a year I have realised my drinking has been getting heavier and heavier. I am a mother with young children (3 and 4) work part time. Before my 2nd child was born I hardly ever drank, but in the 2 years since I stopped breastfeeding I have gone from a glass of wine a night, to 2, then 3 then 4 and earlier this year realised I was drinking a bottle or more than half a bottle every night (between 30 and 40 units a week). I feel this was due to several reasons 1) stress of looking after 2 v young demanding children born v close together and no family support in area (husband works away a bit) and also post natal depression 2) health problems after my 2nd child was born meant I eventually needed a hysterectomy which was unexpected and a great shock physically and emotionally, 3) Used to exercise at night to get a "high" but couldn't before / and after surgery - although pleased to say i'm now able to get into it again so this should help.

Decided on Jan 1st 08 I needed to stop - however didn't manage to actually stop til Jan 15th (kept making excuses) Now here's the bit I don't understand. From Jan 15th - May2nd manged to be totally alcohol free - a staggering 108 days. A friend then said - "you dont' really have a problem if you can do this and you didn't really drink that much before did you. why not go back to just the odd glass - you must be able to control it if you can do 108 days AF" So from then on I tried to moderate and this is where it all went wrong and the most I've managed AF since is a run of about 6 days and now I'm drinking more heavily than ever than I did before!?!? Have no idea now how I manged those 108 days. I'm really struggling. Do you think I sound like a person who can moderate - I dont' think so.

Anyway after struggling all summer with the odd AF day here and there but generally unhappy i've decided Sept 1st is a new start and I'm going to try again. we're now on the 2nd and I mnaged yesterday AF but I feel like there's a mountain in front of me. Please help!!

[akgirl]

new - needing encouragement

yes! you can start. This is the place. Welcome

[startingover]

new - needing encouragement

Hi Sausage, a warm welcome to you!
That happened to me once (years ago) I did 8 months af and then was in a worse position than before when I thought I could mod.
For me, it isn't an option. So, my advice to you would be get the book, some supps and do a lot of reading and taking inspiration from here. You will get lots of support and it won't seem like such a huge task in front of you. I am 8 weeks af today and I can promise you that I have never felt happier. The first few days, weeks were tough in as much as getting my head around my new life but it does get easier and soon you will feel the benefits. You will feel proud of yourself and that's nice Stay close, we are all here to help....I promise

[julie001]

new - needing encouragement

Hi and welcome,

You'll get lots of support here! The best advice I can give is to fill the time around your "witching hour". Does that make any sense? My urge to drink would usually strike me around dinner time so I have to make sure that I have lots to do--and not just mom stuff--to occupy my thoughts. Jump online here for awhile, paint your toenails, organize your recipes, whatever your can do to distract yourself from thinking about drinking. If you haven't read RJ's book My Way Out, it's really motivational, and it's an easy read. I'm about half way to where I want to be, and I already feel so much better and happier. The biggest benefit is the lessening of guilt and anxiety. Life just feels more normal. Take care of yourself. I look forward to hearing from you.

Julie

[Chelle12]

new - needing encouragement

Hi There, and :welcome:

I can understand the 1 or 2 glasses per night leading into a bottle. It happened so gradually for me that it took me a year to realise that from what had been the odd "nightcap" or two before going to bed, had eventually turned into starting to drink about 2-3 bottles wine a day from midday onwards until I passed out.

Looking after two young children practically on your own if your hubby is away alot is stressful stuff, along with the health problems it can be so easy just to 'block out' the stress with alcohol.
But the thing is, you actually DID manage to go AF for 108 days!!! That's awesome!
I havent managed to get past 'Day 1' for a whole year until now.
Great to see you're joining the 30 Days AF September Keep checking in that thread and posting.. we're all here for each other
Have a Happy Sober Day 2,
Best Wishes,
Chelle

[sadheart]

new - needing encouragement

Hi sausage

Reading about how you started drinking sounds like mine. Needing a drink to forget everything. I am trying to moderate. Last week I did 7 AF days, had a drink on Friday, and now I'm on day 4 AF, going to make it until Fri night. I'm hoping moderation is for me, but if it isn't I can honestly say that once the "witching hour", around 9pm passes, I am ok. I feel so much better in myself, no guilty feelings, or walking around in a fuzz. I didn't realise I was in a fuzz until I went without. I'm hoping to lose some weight and to get back into exercises for a much healthier buzz.

Good luck in giving up, I am finding this is the place to visit, if I need support. There is a lot of good people on here who will help you through.

Have a nice week.

[evie]

new - needing encouragement

:welcome:Hi Sausage!
Sounds like you have had a very tough time and I can appreciate the stress of looking after the young ones with PND and with other health problems. I was in the same boat 7 years ago and thats when my drinking started to increase...don't know about you but I used it as a painkiller and to reward myself at the end of the day etc etc etc.
My hubby goes away alot too (I have another child now!) and it is really hard graft! The people on this site are very supportive and above all don't give yourself a hard time!(easier said than done I know)
Its a massive change when you find yourself looking after children all the time as suddenly 'you' seems to dissappear (or thats how I felt).
I'm no way there yet but this program has been the best help I have found and I have made the most progress!
I love the term 'witching hour'! but really thats what it is! Mentally prepare yourself for the temptation, know it will be hard, have other 'things' to do ( don't know if the kids are around at that time, it is difficult when they are little but possible if you can plan with hubby)
Anyway take care and let us know how you get on!
Eviex

[SAUSAGE]

new - needing encouragement

Hi everyone
Thanks for all your welcoming comments and support / advice
Psychologically having posted something and therefore having to make myself accountable so to speak, will help motivate me I think although it's early days yet.
For those who mentioned the "witching hour" I know exactly what you mean - for me it's once the kids are down whilst dinner cooking. If I can get through this I know i'll be alright - will take on board your tips. If i can get outside and exercise I know i'll get through it but this is not always possible eg if husband is out and cant' leave the children, weather rubbish, too tired etc . I would love to live in an alcohol free house but unfortunately my husband is a serious wine drinker and has it delivered. There must be about 200+ bottles in the garage and he refuses to get rid of it because he enjoys it and doesn't have a problem himself. I have my sparkling grape juice, alcohol free cobra beer etc in the fridge so i'll just have to keep busy and keep going!!! Day 2 for me today

[river0123]

new - needing encouragement

Welcome, Sausage!
I've always wondered if I would drink so much if I didn't have children. While I love them dearly, I don't think I was wired properly in that area. I find it all so incredibly stressful. When I found out I was accidentally pregnant with my third, I cried for a month. (Although he turned out to be the coolest blessing ever!). A baby crying, even still, triggers that panic response and where's my drink feeling...
Anyhow, welcome to the most wonderful site, full of support and strength!

[LVT25]

new - needing encouragement

:welcome: Sausage

I'm not sure if you've read "My Way Out" or not, but that is a great way to start. It's not all about this forum. There are lots of tools in this program. I've learned it's not all about will power. The supplements are key to making it easier I believe. The hypnosis cd's also helped me. Drink lots of water and try to get the toxic stuff out! Since you've been af before, you know how good it can feel--that's great motivation.
Hang in there!

[Blondie_grrrl]

new - needing encouragement

Hey sausage
We also have a wine cellar and a shelf-full of wine books; my husband enjoys wine and is not a problem drinker. Irony is that I am the one who got him into the wine thing -- but I'm the one who can't stop! So I really feel I can't ask him to "clear it all out" which is an obvious help to those of us with problems. Just means we have to be that much more vigilant -- and maybe ask him to drink his wine where you aren't tempted, like in a different room of the house. I just started AF (alcohol free) September -- are you in?? (Yes, that would be a mighty one day behind me, but it's a big start). As the kind folks above have already mentioned, it really helps to have distractions. Last night I had to have a much earlier bed time than usual. And I may have to do that for the next few nights till I have a few AF days strung together in a row.
You can do this!!

[Blondie_grrrl]

new - needing encouragement

Oops, just saw that you're on day 2 already -- you go! String 'em together like pearls. You deserve health and happiness. Good luck.

[Popeye]

new - needing encouragement

Hi sausage.

I managed a few months AF a while ago after many years of serios vodka abuse.
I thought I could moderate after that, but after a while I found out I was going back to wanting more and more.
I am still trying to moderate but I am hearing a better, healtier voice from inside that knows abstinance is the best thing for me. When I was younger, right up to my mid 30's I was excercising very regularly. Then the drink really took over and that stopped. I have always had physically demanding work, and thankfully that kept me fit enough to overcome some of the the stress of drinking the way I was. Eventually, drinking took over everything but my work. My situation changed when my first grandchild was born. I decided to do something about it. (Not in the way that I used to decide every Sunday morning, but to make some lifestyle changes) I did this and I found myself again. I was lucky to find MWO and was helped tremendously by the success and support of people here. As I said, I thought I was 'cured' of my excess and could handle drinking responsibily....Not the case. I'm really hoping to be able to start some proper excercise again, which to me is a big attraction of being sober.
I wish you well.

[cmhguy3]

new - needing encouragement

Welcome and Good Luck!

[savon19]

new - needing encouragement

Congrats, Sausage!

You have your hands full with two little ones. Don't forget to take care of yourself, too!

One thing that occurred to me when quitting was: what if someone called me for help but I was too drunk to drive?? You have that to think of, too, esp. w/your children. I don't mean to put a burden on you, just something else to motivate you.

And don't forget all the money you'll be saving, too! Give yourself a little treat after a week -

Big hug.